A Man Who Hates Bad Writing Plays Minecraft Story Mode: Episode 1

Nothing built can last forever and every legend no matter how great fades with time Oh God take that I hear more and more details are lost until all that remains are myths half-truths to put it simply lie that’s not how history works would you rather fight a hundred chicken-sized

Zombies or ten zombie size chickens yeah just to be clear you wouldn’t have any weapons Oh God tiny little zombies a hundred of them crawling all over you with their tiny hands all I need is like a shovel I’m telling you way too easy I already regret this he’s coming with us

Really what kind of question is that of course he is okay I’m not saying he shouldn’t come I’m not but don’t you think it’s a little weird that you take him with you everywhere you go if that pig dies later in the story for dramatic effect I’m

Suing someone I’m saying that right now oh no guys it’s creeper oh the pigs [ __ ] dead one of these days we’re gonna win the Ender consoling competition and when we do people say hey there goes Jesse Rubin winners of the end rekon building competition fantastic crazy will win this time

Because we believe in the power of French going to win because what are you talking about because up to now we’ve hated losing but today today my friends they’re dead there we go my friends there we go we’re so prepared we can’t lose and not bring it in friendship let’s go on three

No no no preparing is Derek know it oh my god we’re doing this scene on three one two three we are not ready for this ya name please tell me I get the in better maniacs dead-enders order of the pig just say silent no name got it great okay

No names is that a freaking beacon they have a freaking beacon freaking be good stained glass they aren’t just building a beacon they’re building a rainbow beacon not just a rainbow beacon a freaking rainbow beacon hey Petra I forgot to thank you for that nether star hey Lucas problem

You help these tools for the right price I’ll help anyone if you need anything you know where to find me okay she has checked too much [ __ ] kind of effort and attention put into a character so she’s going to be like one of the main characters the griefer grab we did it

Hmm oh that was lame just like that I know so let’s build okay I just got it just mask you sure the creeper was definitely the right way to go they’re probably getting third-degree burns right now cuz it’s so close to the fireworks like their skin is on fire up

There they’re all going through burn ward we’re looking at us those are the horror stories you hear about Halloween night like they’re all they’ve all got weeks in the burn hoarder has a bunch of dyed wool look I feel like having a pork shop tonight it’s not a big deal if the pig

Goes down you know I’m kind of hungry hello chicken I think that was supposed to be a moment of tension ooh but I’m scared I don’t mean to startle you but I think I [ __ ] my pants earlier by a walk so weird yep Jesse you probably want to move a

Little more before you you before yeah it’s just like actual minecraft it’ll be okay know the deus ex machina is gonna be here any moment now we just have to press Q a little faster and we’ll be same you know that’s how many scenarios go and there it is good time o wither

Skull whoa fresh from the nether the first person I showed it to that’s insane Patra appreciate this that’s insane actually time for another epic fight sequence wait there’s water below so we’re just gonna jump why is this in slow motion well you know it’s Obon trailer but sure just so unnecessary

Choreography with her better life stunts okay is this mocap and they have to jump off a bridge I can’t believe they went for the cinematic trailer like Jesus when we’re making it intro even I need you to let me do the talking okay this isn’t a diamond in the buff oh it’s

Lapis of all the dirty underhanded tricks to pull there getting that diamond or I’m getting my skull back he’ll make him pay right right come on then our action sequence let’s go do you see him anywhere lost this is like someone’s minecraft minecraft fanfiction come to life almost

Very upset they weren’t involved in shadow of is repelled so we’re cool yeah we’re cool cool cool sup Coolio – cool cool beans Coolio coolness yeah see you there was an attempt at dialogue there but I can just use the DJ booth Just Dance Jessie what’s wrong with you busy right now man

What busy trying to get a life oh hey hey go [ __ ] yourself in I’m calling it right now there’s gonna be at least like seven minecraft youtuber cameos before this game is done like you just gonna look around the bazaar it’s like it’s Simon from the yogscast any sign of him

I thought I saw him earlier but it was just a false alarm wait there he is there he is with the hall he’s laughing but seriously towards the camera that’s how we know it’s him all hope your mission came with tickets to the show we have to do something like what the show

Has been sold outside agents could gloss right through I just need a little wind-up room let’s destroy their bright ideas we need I wonder if it to do it that big chicken room up there with all the chickens were an event in a circle you know the camera pointed towards the

Chickens and it emphasized he has a significant fear of chickens not once but twice I wonder if we have to get the chickens near the guy and then scare him as he seems to have a phobia of chickens you know I’m just going on a whim here

You know the game hasn’t hammer this home or anything I can’t go that way because the line is Wow it’s important it’s actually a barrier here we can’t go this way [Applause] now’s our chance oh my god he’s dead he’s dead like there’s no way you’d survive oh really

He must have gone out another way let’s split up and search for clues gang nobody ever lets me have any fun we let you hang out with us fast we find what that sounds like a punishment morning Jesse I’m gonna be honest with ya facts will taking a piss on this bookcase like

Geez leave it alone come on axe we’ll make yourself useful and go find that skull I am nope you’re literally doing the exact opposite of what happened I saw chest with the skulls was he isn’t it like in Minecraft you put tree Witter skulls together and you summon some big

Evil boss I think I know what’s going on here is he just gonna summon the boss enjoy the town their skulls that’s a recipe for wither yeah Oh wither I’m gonna notice the potion and he’s gonna discover us and there’s gonna be our hi sequence chase as we get as we try and

Escape the place and then he’s gonna summon the waiter with a big bad evil speech and in the town’s gonna be destroyed that’s our motivation to move on to episode 2 and advance the plot you know just a question sorry friend oh no what are you doing here where do

You go if you won’t leave of your own volition oh oh no it’s an article will you he had a pumpkin on him he knows how to will use the Legos guys okay I didn’t see Oh No I go bricks I said to it whatever will I

Do yeah just just quietly yell yeah so we can hear the self-aware guys in the whispers loudly choke what do you want me to do tell you charades style I promise you that’s the last thing I want you to do I kind of want you at charades

Down sounds like God we’re doing this basement now these people were promised greatness and I’m ready to just so evil I’m sorry oh god guys he’s going into an evil monologue what’s he doing all night yeah just about in the papers see I don’t see the frumps have tits fine

They blend so well with the backgrounds like the gray hey give me a big red arrow it’s telling me to do the thing don’t make it great oh no it’s at a magnetic it should have worked I took such care why does he summon this like what is he trying to prove

But finders keepers you’re ruining everything throw the bottle throw the potion Jesse throw it line up the Kurt oh gosh cue really quickly to save this man we just met oh here comes the town being destroyed sequences okay guys it’s just an elevator bomba nation it’s going to be fine

Press cute enough tie his fast hurry you can get through the portal you’ll be safe yep sure just spam queue to defeat the elders abomination that’s time here we go oh he said thank you wow he’s about to die take this amulet and guard it with your life he’s about to die

YouTube go through the portal and meet up with the others stay here and do whatever I can let them both die we only get the shape chooser thanks Jessie Gabriel still up there I was like well I didn’t even give me a chance to line that one up on there she

Is I have to see that you again how does that even make sense he should have severed that tentacle by doing that you took my most valuable potion and what touch of mascara triumph yeah there’s more to life than survival without survival but there is no life

There’s also creative mode in my craft you know it’s not just all about survival boat experience we’re saved by another plot device Wow we made to a cutscene that’s how you know we’re safe here we go that’s supposed to be like a joke I really want to fail really you never

Go with the judge suspension because it literally is a 2d image coming up like I didn’t even try it and bad power friendship is on our side thanks for being so brave Axl is powerful that’s not so bad you know just take our time there’s no rush when it comes to playing

These games you know brick by brick and you just want to appreciate the gradual construction you know what I get to wear this jacket because I know how to build oh oh you really are Jesse your friend is way out of line oh I wasn’t going to

Bring it up but I do buddy Sean it’s a good start to our minecraft letsplay we built a hut and if you liked this episode of Minecraft be sure to smash that like button for more minecraft crazies ad build days you know it’s just trying to be too dramatic

Like it’s it’s minecraft you know it’s trying to be so tense like this isn’t Moby Dick he’s right look oh crap do you think they’re in that’s not mind your language hair Lucas you can’t say crap oh no that’s probably not a good thing we’re trapped Oh No we can figure out a

Way to trigger it again I bet that’ll shut them off yes just literally like you get a stack of dirt and just like a Brahmin across the defense’s thought that’s all you need to do you guys know how minecraft we’re building so we can make

A bow and arrow and you know or we could just make the fishing rod I’m making the fishing rod like it really wants me to do the bow and arrow I’m making this let’s hit it that was really easy no names luck is changing I was not even

A moment a cut enough like tension or conflict that was so easy I wonder if it’s building up to me looking at the book on the table together would give so much to gain their rightful place as heroes they would author their own end though we gotta form the new order we’re

Gonna Gary owed five friends that’s gonna be the four of us and Petra it’s five accounts a page currently in the group but the pigs going to die at some point like I’m so convinced he’s just here for like a dramatic plot device got to be something we’re missing look

Around and see if you can find anything maybe it’s the massive map on the wall maybe the thing we forgot investigate you know that big map that just covers up half the let the left wing there you know there’s gotta be something else here oh no is this gonna be one of those

Like light puzzles I think it is that one lights up three of them Oh what does this even have to do with the game who would enjoy this bit I can understand if you are along for the minecraft adventure but like like what is the hiss okay so there’s an

Episode in the desert there’s one in the sea we’re in the grasslands that we won in the mountain one and there’ll be an end of the world one I think I’ve worked out how the game was gonna progress guys yes well you’re Jesse how’d you figure

Out how oh oh look it’s one in the desert water we know that Gabriel was trying to tell us something what could he possibly have been trying to telephone the order of the stone we gotta find the order yeah how could we find them oh it’s very convenient that

You you like yourself up it’s the green light and you love yourself up with the red light you know I’m gonna have to make some pretty sure some kind of choice there okay guys that come on we have to see how this story like resolves

Itself at this point we just have to see if the pit at the pig-like dice I was like I’m actually going to sue what’s left of telltale if he dies for dramatic effect haven’t been spoiled so I don’t actually know oh no don’t don’t put me

In this telltale now don’t put me in the credits I don’t want to be associated