AstralSpiff – Minecraft’s SLOWEST Speedruns (NO SHOWERS)

If you start speedrunning you’ll notice  that not all game leaderboards are equal   there are some leaderboards where you could  play the game for the first time with one hand   while eating pizza and still claim yourself  a world record, while other leaderboards would  

Quite literally take years of effort just to fall  short of being the best, and when it comes to these   leaderboards it can be pretty hard to receive  credit for your work, since an insane amount of   effort can still land you in pleb land somewhere  in the ranks that is impressive but insignificant  

Generally when people look at a leaderboard  they’ll only check out the top time to see   who’s the best and what that time is maybe  looking a couple ranks lower but beyond that   most of the ranks and times just kind of blend  together! You can’t just be good you have to be  

The best to receive recognition on a leaderboard,  but there is one exception to this sometimes i   myself am guilty of this but people may scroll  to the bottom of a leaderboard to see who posted   the worst time! Which scrublord posted their six  hour run where they stopped midway through their  

First playthrough to check on their kale chips  roasting in the oven and deemed it good enough to   submit to a leaderboard, most of the worst times on  leaderboards are just first or second playthroughs   and aren’t much to write home about except that  they stand out as the worst but that’s just it…  

They stand out, when I was moderating for the poppy  playtime speeder on leaderboards during its boom   at launch competition at the top was super tight  and my roommate made a run that would stand out   not for its impressive time but the exact opposite  sitting iconically at the bottom and it was pretty  

Funny to watch this oaf walk around the map  instead of running and watch the tv videos   this sparked a realization for some players  whose runs normally sat in the middle of the pack   lonely and unimportant if they couldn’t compete  to be the best they were gonna compete to be the  

Worst and this started a battle for the slowest  poppy playtime speed run which got more extreme   until again my roommate clocked in a five hour  run where he literally just sat and watched   youtube videos on the monitors and despite being  at the bottom his run got more recognition than  

Many world records this made me wonder if the  slow run phenomenon was present in other games   and oh my god minecraft! You can find slow runs in  most large leaderboards but none have nearly as   many or are as insane as minecraft’s random seed  1.16 plus category these were arguably some of  

The funniest speedruns I ever watched we went over  them on stream where I had Twitch chat rate each   run for their creativity and well interesting  ways they spent their time I also reached out   to all the runners getting replies from many and  getting an insight as to why someone might play  

Over a hundred hours straight of Minecraft just to  be the worst, there are thousands of submitted runs   but have you ever been to the bottom the largest  leaderboard on speedrun.com where players   are specifically competing for the slowest speed  run time over the last year or so people have  

Been submitting increasingly longer and longer  speed runs in attempts to be the worst, we’re   not watching the entire no no, obviously these  people have tons of time to do stuff in the game   so what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna review the  quality of their world, their quality of their game  

Play, the impressiveness of their house, that they  build the amount of time they spent afk because   this is straight you cannot pause these runs so  these are people who play 16 hours sleep 8 16  

Sleep 8 for like a week and we’re gonna see what  they do in their week of minecraft that they’ve   submitted to the leaderboard what if it isn’t on  purpose uh you can tell for example this first one   we’re looking at slowest minecraft speedrun  former world record we know it’s on purpose

There’s also a bit of drama here because I-I’ve  dug deep into this guys I’ve talked to moderators   I’ve talked to the verifiers they’re very divided  on if these runs should be allowed or not some   moderators hate them and I actually I talked  to a moderator and they said that they only  

Verified a slow run because they received immense  pressure from a previous super mod and there’s   also the question of like health if we have people  competing for the slowest speed run ever you know   when they’re playing minecraft for like two weeks  straight should they start denying runs because  

It’s not healthy you know what I mean I think  there should be a separate leaderboard or site   for slow ones but do we even want to encourage  slow runs recognition for being one of the best   minecraft speed owners is incredibly hard to get  like for your average player you’re never going  

To be recognized as a good speedrunner but anybody  could be recognized as a shit speed runner all   right so let’s check it out how long are you  afk here restain just an hour that’s not bad  

Okay that’s not bad this seems like of just like a  very casual playthrough like they go to the nether   have a good time do you ever even build a house  or do you just play the game incredibly slowly  

We might this this first run might get a low score  in the house department, it’s possible to pee in it yikes three hearts a little bit of  armor a gold sword you could do it   you could do it you could get  to your stuff I have faith  

Okay but how does he kill the enderdragon not with  beds, not a true speedrunner all right out of 10   can I get some ratings out of 10 for this run we  have about two and a half hours of afk in a 10  

Hour run no house multiple deaths eight is way too  strong so we’re giving Restain a two out of ten uses an enchanted oh crap does he— Oh haha 2/10 Thanks for your contribution to the slowrun community LMAO the longest minecraft speedrun in the  world, so first of all webcam what a Chad  

Big fan of this dude already “face cam nice” so  we have a bed thief oh buddy is typing in chat   that’s that’s Chad energy typing in chat  in a solo game oh buddy’s building a house  

Right or like a bridge six hours in decides to  go into the nether oh my god mining netherrack   with your fist, six hours in it’s a slow run after  all right does it get any more Chad than this  

What are you trying to make “I’m confused” yeah so  am I doesn’t even know how to play Minecraft but   he’s doing the slowest speed run ever oh you need  books for a bookcase oh how could I have known  

Sugarcane farm dude that takes me back to like  2014 Minecraft I don’t want to I don’t I don’t   know I don’t want to give it a 10 and a 10 to  the oh we got to give it 10 to 10. he’s riding  

The nether frog guys it’s gotta be a ten i mean  shit like what what a minority of players   who’s actually using horses in a productive way,  speedrunners take notes, buddy’s like   200 blocks up if it’s a big dick there’s no  point in even looking at other runs this wins

Look at the size of that beauty are we  mining the obsidian underneath the portal   with oh that’s netherright I thought  he was money with the stone pickaxe   I was like holy fuck look  he’s taking out all the lava oh  

I hate to say it’s cute but that’s fucking cute  all right is this a deathless dragon fight   oh my god this dragon fight takes forever  get him sick him sick of miles get them   give it to them so we’re looking at the absolute  bottom of the thousands of people what a Chad  

Miles 10 out of 10 right 10 out of 10 won in in  the pool right yeah of course this dude 10 out of 10. Yonker Mom’s run description next person to  try and beat this your mom’s a hoe mod note  

Should have built a better house so now we  got some oh there’s some tea going on between   between runners here they’re  chirping each other they’re saying   if you even dare do this it means terrible  things about your mother and the mods say  

God damn it guys I’m watching 20 hour runs  for you guys to just build a fucking dirt house   I gotta go pee uh let’s see if this guy even says  anything to be fair webcam that’s kind of cool How are we looking? “-5/10”, brutal My god, did he kill the horse?

Ohhh no look at that smirk too he knows has he said a word yet by the  way “not a single word” guys imagine if I streamed I can’t even get low enough you know  this is how I review the rest of this run  

Look at all that cobblestone he’s got a  sword what a hard life god that must be it   must be really challenging to work with your  dirt house after 12 hours it’s been 12 hours   you should also whisper so nobody can hear  you like him all right so um I think we’re  

Going to skip just a little bit more ahead  here see what he’s up to a couple hours [Spiff Laughter]   so guys look it’s me I’m doing a super long  speed run 23 hours in we are in the dirt house   however guys we really have to give  this dude credit he has not gone  

Afk this is the longest run so far this is  25 hours okay 25 hours without going afk   that’s that’s real commitment that is re- okay  but he killed the horse we have to look past the   horse to appreciate the 25 hours for all we know  Yonker sacrificed his very well-being for our run  

We’ll always remember the horse and also calling  the next runners mom’s a ho that’s a low blow LeoPaulVero 100 hours Best Cooking stream the next run we’re looking at  is 100 hours this is the third   longest speed run I’m so bad at Minecraft  I decided to take the last place of this  

Category first time in my life I beated  the ender dragon, to be fair this dude is um   french don’t expect great grammar, I had a lot of  fun while doing it but I’m so fucking tired now if  

You want to somehow beat me you must be desperate  with your life that even your mom won’t be a ho even if I deserve more than you  because I had to suffer the run   zero afk except for sleeping and eating  no showers! what oh my gosh Leo Paul

You could just shower for like you could you could  shower like 10 minutes nobody would even know   you could just wake up and ahaha I did  it guys I didn’t shower it’s stink straps   it’s an immediate 10 out of 10. you really didn’t  have to admit that you didn’t shower like nobody  

Would nobody would be like oh you took 10 extra  minutes when you were sleeping tsk tsk tsk [Spiff Giggle] Only 3 hours in haha madness oh we’re cooking on stream unhinged chad 10 to 10.  vegetables rose you’d be proud look at the size of  

This face cap holy crap imagine if I played like  this so guys we’re going to do speed runs today   um you’re not going to be  able to see most of the game   oh there he is oh guys look we’re watching  somebody sleeping nobody switched sides  

I wonder if he’s having a bad dream oh he’s like  fuck I gotta play 16 hours of Minecraft today   all right day two another cooking stream this  time he’s got in bail gail another cooking stream it’s just a cookie stream with Minecraft  in the background and back to sleeping

Now he’s doing his dishes all right here’s  the gameplay I found gameplay staying at the   same torch for 30 hours uh just imagine being a  moderator having to accept this he did the like   this guy’s clearly taking care of himself he’s  taking care of himself and yet he’s very proud  

To tell that he’d never showered during this 100  hours looks like we kind of got stuff done here oh excuse me bro what, no haha no no fo pass okay I  might be saying it very rude French words  

77 hours the no showering is starting to take  its toll if you look closely you can just see   the dirt smudges on his face oh he built himself  I think I guess what this is he’s building his  

Minecraft skin that’s kind of sick he’s got all  of his buddies in the discord cheering him on   oh his chat just says alay go Leo you  can do it my friend ah they’re so proud all right let’s get a pole up here he’s fucking thrilled

111 hours 11 minutes and 11 seconds so far  there doesn’t seem to be a house 19 hours   in and we have not successfully gotten diamond  armor and I’m not sure if we’ve built a house   couple hours of fishing a couple more  hours of fishing something big is coming  

What are you building here is making a house  I hope so he’s got the resources to just make   the mother of all homes homes unless he just  really loves flattening large areas of ground   it seems to follow a pattern  fishing mining sleeping fishing

Going around in a boat we’re 75  hours in and there’s no evidence   of a full house it looks like he’s  modded most of the villagers houses   but I don’t know if that really  counts he’s a flat earther i’ll show you roundies really just  digging mining fishing flattening  

Villager farming what are you doing  I guess Septics just really hates   hills all right a minecart rails for the village  that’s that’s cool I need an emotional payoff   for the flattening, we’re at 94 hours you  should you should be concerned at this point

I talked to Septics and I asked him why he  decided, I asked him why he decided   to play Minecraft for 111 hours and submit it and  in his words I could bring up the DM’s but in his  

Words he said he had a week off and nothing else  to do this is what you do when you have a week off   and nothing else to do how long does this take  five minutes why is he still here an hour later  

Gigafist ayyy I don’t think the flat  land was ever used guys because soon after this what’s your intention here Septics I gotta I  gotta ask maybe he wants them to not be alone   I’m trying to try to bring justice for  the dogs here oh guys there’s still hope  

Is there only three dogs left uh one of them  died of old age peaches don’t worry about it   who’s natural causes okay no no you just brought  the dogs to play right they’re gonna go back to  

The portal maybe I I don’t think he gets the  dogs through I hate to break it guys exactly   a hundred and eleven hundred and eleven how we  feeling zero out of ten then don’t you know i  

Don’t just we gotta consider the whole run right  we we gotta consider the the flat land which was   great uh the minecart rail was kind of cool I  guess got a lot of resources that’s always nice

Here’s the poll here’s the poll and we look at  the last run which might be hella skimmed because because… look at this “what is this” this is the  absolute peak of minecraft slow running these   are some of the best Minecraft slow runners  in the world but this guy takes the cake with

120 hours of minecraft with all of these things  present he spends the first eight hours of the run   fucking sleeping oh wait no i just went 63 hours  in oh well we can start here where his items go   maybe he died pringle out of ten  all right we’re back he got one  

Dollar for his bubble tea addiction  that’s kind of nice eating time to watch the gifts go  even slower- or even faster ah at work? My god, if this run isn’t beaten soon we  can’t have this be the peak of slow running in  

Minecraft guys well what do you what let’s let’s  have a serious talk here this is on the official   Minecraft speedrun leaderboard okay how do we  feel about this do you think this this is you know  

Acceptable at 8 30 I will fight the dragon yep  this is mostly afk with just a clock in fact   the last 18 hours are spent afk… should this have been verified  too much afk yeah chip out of 10, afk out of 10.  

With the idea that slow runs could have actual  rule sets or at least a preventative measure so   that players didn’t make themselves sick trying to  beat each other I reached out to the Minecraft mod  

Squad as a whole to hear their opinion and ruling  on slow runs and this is what they had to say   that’s right the ultimate slow run is 999 hours  and it would be accepted on the leaderboard given  

The current rules as much as it may be healthier  to make afk rules this is where they stand   alright, I guess anything goes, the  question is who’s gonna get that run first