BigDave’s Drunk Minecraft Fails

All right let’s create a game let’s do it we’re playing hardcore I need a world name I already created one called hardcore porn so I can’t use that I’ve got it perfect how is a rock okay I have not played Minecraft in a very long time okay if the game looks bad

It’s not my fault I have no clue how to make the game look good these are just the settings that apparently I had on I have a feeling food’s going to be an issue so I’m going to try find a village um that shouldn’t be too hard though there’s a PLS biome

Over here I’m sure there’s a village in there there’s always a village around somewhere what the [ __ ] is this single sstone [ __ ] Sandstone Block doing down here okay that’s strange but it’s probably not the strangest thing that you’ll see I have no [ __ ] clue what I’m

Saying to be fair oh [ __ ] sugar cane that’ll be useful for later up plane yeah Minecraft plane oh there’s a jungle oh [ __ ] apparently something I clicked reloads all the chunks that’s nice to know I’m not sure what did that yeah it’s probably a bad idea to go look for a [ __ ]

Village I’ll probably run out of food and probably die but I’m sure it’s fine oh [ __ ] they got like a [ __ ] swimming pool what the [ __ ] it’s like a natural spawning swimming pool well I should probably like maybe base up here here there’s a lot of this game like

Steve is just overweight or some [ __ ] oh a village like I I swear you have to constantly [ __ ] eat in this game okay is there a blacksmith is there a blacksmith it doesn’t look like it so it’s probably a useless Village but hey there’s food all right let’s

Actually get some good oh [ __ ] that’s it’s not how you make bread holy [ __ ] there’s a fall on ay going on down here what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] this place is actually quite big oh and it goes into a cave damn you guys built a Cool Base what the [ __ ] all right

Let’s yeah I’m not going to question that [ __ ] you know what why the [ __ ] am I trying to protect the [ __ ] Village like there’s no [ __ ] point in that [ __ ] I mean seriously what the [ __ ] going to come after me plus there’s an iron golem so I’m safe right buddy oh [ __ ] oh

[Applause] [ __ ] oh [ __ ] okay these not happy is he left me alone now no come on [ __ ] build build okay I wasn’t nervous okay um that was just that was just a test room why the [ __ ] spawn in this game is so [ __ ] like they’ve had like [ __ ]

Years to work on this over a [ __ ] decade to work on the [ __ ] spawning like why is the [ __ ] is there just a tree just just there like seriously like what the why is there just fre [ __ ] dirt blocks right there okay I guess we found another

Village wasting my time on that one is that a that’s a swamp that’s where slime spawn that could be useful slime swamp oh [ __ ] okay slime spawn in swamps right I’m struggling to think of uh how to speak and not cuz of the drinking cuz I haven’t even drunk that much yet it’s

Just I’m dyslexic so I can’t [ __ ] no that’s spelling [ __ ] sh I’m [ __ ] there we go so I can’t [ __ ] speak I don’t know why I’m going this way cuz this [ __ ] all I’m going to find wait what the [ __ ] there’s a oh there’s a witch’s Hut oh there’s a black

Cat it’s just bullying shot people not that I’m Shar but [ __ ] St is I mean like are you [ __ ] kidding me I mean I kind of want to go that way oh [ __ ] it oh [ __ ] you know what we’re fine we’re fine we’re not dead I’m super tempted to

Attack a be but I don’t know if they’ll attack me well I mean obviously of cast will [ __ ] attack me but I mean like a whole SW oh [ __ ] there’s another Village this is like the most [ __ ] socially distanced Village I’ve ever [ __ ] seen like do they all

[ __ ] hate each other or something but like don’t have the money to move out like this fucker’s all the way over here then you have to like walk all the way over here and then you got one [ __ ] on like the top of this mound and then like

This [ __ ] is down here like at the bottom of the cave no one can [ __ ] disturb them there three horses sniffing each other’s asses and then you got this [ __ ] that’s all the way at the top of the hill and they’ve got the neighbor that they definitely hate oh it’s a it’s a

Blacksmith oh let’s go go we got boots and a saddle what does it take oh no you [ __ ] [ __ ] hell okay easiest way to get iron I had a good thing going and I had to go and [ __ ] it up what the [ __ ] we spawn in the jungle as a b

Wait I can make it my pet right is it seeds where is it will you be my pet come back it’s my pet follow me okay this is the best run so far oh and the perfect absolutely [ __ ] perfect we spawn next to a village this game wants us to succeed let’s

Go so this time I’m not going to piss off the village giant because that keeps getting me killed what the [ __ ] is this a camel when the [ __ ] did camels get added to this game I can ride it oh [ __ ] it’s going to kill me oh there hous is down

There that’s a weird Village it’s it’s not as good as like a you know PLS Village what the [ __ ] are you doing I’m just going to ignore them the neighbors doing the why did I just hear a creeper [ __ ] that scared me it’s down below where’s my bird I guess they hung

Themselves together in a suicide packed or something so I guess rip to them that was a creeper here oh it’s not friendly I lost my Barrett oh no my only friend my only friend oh no oh no it dropped feathers oh no okay uh I guess creepers aren’t friendly

Um yeah I’ll rebuild your house okay all right let’s pop down see where the M shaft takes us oh there’s iron here that’s a quick start to getting iron a more iron perfect oh there’s an Enderman oh holy [ __ ] oh [ __ ] okay that might be a bit dangerous to go down why are you trying to jump on every single block that I’m trying to break are you like a stone preservative of something okay first furnace let’s go and I don’t have any coal I would use wood but it’s probably going to be

Important to save that oh [ __ ] okay now we’re fine I’m sure there’s some coal over this way let’s just have a what are you two doing down here just shuffling away like nothing ever happened it’s a bit suspicious if you ask me you guys ever wonder if Osama been Laden’s still

Alive I mean like they never checked if it was him before they killed him I mean like I’m sure there’s like a million people that look like him I’m sure there’s like some [ __ ] look around look like just like roaming around you know that’s probably [ __ ] him you

Know like have you ever seen the movie dictator imagine it was just [ __ ] him just playing the main character let’s get this extra iron and not get attacked by anything oh the iron was here where the [ __ ] did you come from oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] run run run run run run

Run oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] no oh my God where the [ __ ] did the skeleton come from oh no