Want to run which is still not fast by the way if you could believe it it might be slower you got to hold down a button and then he’s like that I have I have a she do it right away it’s the most satisfying anticlimactic thing ever but At least you think you’ll land on the wood but you’ll come up from beneath you and [ __ ] your [ __ ] up there’s no checkpoints so you have to do each level in one beautiful run it’s hard have a sheep welcome to the pizza eating contest oh Boy I think I can win this one I need a door I need another door why too much to the pizza oh it hurts it hurts real bad uhoh I need area Champion goes first huh the [ __ ] does that mean what in the [ __ ] was that I don’t really the rules at All pizz do I want but what kind of question is that give me them all from what I can gather you just pick a pi and whoever picks the bigger number wins the battle the first to fill is pizza do I overall Pizza I have of don’t forget ever that Kids so it’s just luck I guess why would you ever pick the smaller number I cre yeah how do I get emeralds isn’t that overdoing it hey you’re the one that’s the supposed champion of this [ __ ] you’re the one making me do it oh I it now I need to Eat a pizza I’m having a [ __ ] panic attack over here I need I got a stressy Chester Cheetah also how do I capture you Chester Cheetah too cool to fool I want you God I move so slow I found out that’s a thing I can do aah I Think this is the slowest video game character of all time I mean the turtle is faster but to be fair it’s not a fair maybe this is the actual an exclusive Cheetos his entire life the music just in your head man if you want to run which is still Not fast by the way trying to capture you you got to hold down a button and then he’s like ah I’m going to do it doesn’t even do it right away it’s the most unsatisfying anticlimactic thing ever but at least I can hump the ground In the pipe in a cave pipe can’t get to the exit but I can do this uh-huh you ain’t touching this come back when you’re old Daddy hey what about the Kool-Aid Man kind of interesting does he have any games I could have sworn I had Something around here but I no no no you no escaping you know please no Escape uhoh but now I can’t escape um hey dude what’s up yeah here’s your game buddy your cooling game here man here you go I’m the co guy yeah there it Is yeah I’d like you to be trapped right there you want some Kool-Aid before yeah okay you want to try a little Kool-Aid H punch me in the LI dude what what I punch me in the [ __ ] Li I said just once man that was [ __ ] up all right this is Kool-Aid Man [ __ ] ah you are now trapped no hey did you just spit at me don’t spit at me moment for the rest of my life in this you play as a jug of Kool-Aid I guess if You touch any of these Cherry Bomb guys your piter goes all around the god Place bouncing from wall to wall but occasionally the cherry bombs stop to take a diabetic sugar line piss and then for some reason at that point collect them huh huh what I can’t move anymore The darkest KN has only just begun I have no idea I’ll make a glass of oh the game just stopped make a glass eventually for now you are I’m I know it’s an old G but it’s not even trying to be coherent so just for Extra Strength what’s happing here is That below all of this is a body of water very obvious it’ll be nice and safe in there no will hurt you probably oh [ __ ] I’ve made the mistake several with the chimpan ran the United States is also in the feature film bedtime for you know you can only Collect these guys if they’re drinking theh I [ __ ] up why didn’t buy this game tce up next to California Raisins also known as one of the most terrifying commercial campaigns to ever gra the United States K [ __ ] what’s he doing he’s invisible this was fully and then think I’ve Trapped that in very high value so I happen to have a reproduction C it starts up with this nice splash screen okay there’s some judge stand he is the trapped again rais so why is on the judge stand they own the story here is that the California Raisins have been Kidnapped along with all their music but you know did you save an somewhere just you know burn a couple on a disc then it’s not lost anymore in this game you apparently attack piece of your stomach out throwing it at the Enemy by the end of this level there won’t be much of Them left play close to what you’d expect from a platformer from this era I mean it’s not great but I don’t see why it was cancelable they already spent all the money on making it there’s dead ends on yes now they are boxed in again the are pretty better strength think a cool Subjective really huh God has forsaken us okay that was the last boss I put him out of this misery I don’t know if all this was worth it guys the Gul and it was worth it all right here’s a more straightforward one oh great fear is being experienced um are they protect Prots that’s not what I wanted I’m in text mode why can’t I get out of text mode [ __ ] I was in text mode what the [ __ ] how do I get out of text mode shooting Pepsi as Coke you’re destroying them very subtle guys after some research I found out that unsurprisingly This is an altered version oface Invaders but it was commissioned by Coca themselves for their [ __ ] that was annoying in some circles the game is Just wins probably a reference to that nice one guys classy I’m sure everyone was very impressed can you imagine them Putting this up on a big screen I mean how ins be there were only about 125 copies made total why am I so bad at fighting oh [ __ ] here she comes all right if you wait for the to come down and kill you it just never does what can I Say guys you have such a superior product that Pepsi can’t even win when it I think they’re okay up there maybe I don’t know let’s see how it tast like Pepsi would Market their product good morning oh now we’re getting into some deep [ __ ] I don’t know if I’m ready for That also what what what what believe it or not what you just witnessed was not thee of a serial Killer’s mad ramblings offici cut right I need is that thing becoming invisible this this is how it really starts from moment one it looks snuff film or something as puzzling as it is Pepsi Made the choice to include all this live I don’t think it can escape but it might Escape Califoria with this guy OG shice over here he speaks English too subtitled in Japanese look I even found the exact corner on here in the city of Englewood represent let’s get together And make this a hollowed site huh put up a monument or to looks like this guy left such a legacy he ran the whole block out of business except for that outp a loo of course cuz let’s face it body hey yeah come what do you see in There actually don’t tell me I want to keep that part of myself intact Can you not go through the door is that the problem you’re doing pretty good that doesn’t mean much coming from you in this world everyone relies on Pepsi man to solve their problems by uh restocking Pepsi machines yeah okay checks out I got a call the Ving machine Again ran out of Pepsi and I was just on my way there what’s going on oh my God that’s like real desperation in that man’s voice he sounds like a Tak hostage whoa okay this is crazy I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this you run through the streets and even people’s Homes while collecting Pepsi cans and dodging Pepsi trucks and other obstacles the comedic timing here is great it’s very Japanese I don’t know though there something uning do good yeah you’ll be good is Pepi you’ll do so good oh no that’s the not the right way is also the eny that’s the not Right Pepi is the hero and the villain good and the bad the yin and the Yang one thing cannot Bey good or holy evil that would be naive and unrealistic to assume yes CRA in fac their logo it makes so much sense now the blue represents the Pepsi and the red represents the Pepsi and the white represents an intricate Inside Job carried out by reptilians Pepsi hung on a cross he died for your sin he was then jabbed in the side with a spear by the Romans and a miracle what came out was Pepsi and the Roman soldier He drank from the Pepsi and he said well objectively I just prefer Coke and then 3 days later the Pepsi was flat everything’s going dark but grimbo bring me a oh it can escape over here [ __ ] no no no no no grimbo drink too much it can Escape this way oh no oh grimbo oh grimbo come back to me come back to me grimbo hey anyone home we noticed that the tracking chip in your last nii cin headb broke so we brought you your emergency replacement oh wow what happened here sorry don’t go that way I mean I Was playing these video games based on food and I guess things got a little carried away oh my God this way either finally get it it’s all clear the true meaning of Thanksgiving isn’t food thanks for being a good balanced person with personal responsibility with that video games CA Everything that’s wrong in the world like obesity real life violence and misogyny that makes perfect sense I see now thinking it’s hilarious God bless the US media a lot of asking how to make a YouTube video or just a video in general really well it just so happens my sponsor for This episode linda.com has all the answers you seek anything ranging from software questions to the more creative questions they just so happen to give wonderful tutorials on Adobe Premiere Adobe After Effects and Photoshop all of which we use here at JonTron but that’s not all primarily there an online Learning platform that has over 3,800 ond demand video courses on everything ranging from learning how to run wonder if it’ll get through that learning a new technology or just learning how to do this but if you go to linda.com JonTron you can get a 10day free trial no Strings attached I’m telling you these are some really quality tutorials that’ll help you a lot so thank you so much for watching and I hope.com helps you sharpen your personal or professional skills too much you’ll become a blade you might hurt somebody if I was to drop them down from the Ceiling hey how are you is there anybody hey SCP dead man heyo how are you how are you I’m just listening to some jron is there something that you’d like to listen to I’ll put it on not going to put on the screen but just In the audio cuz I got something to Let it bleed out too you know just something to let my brain leak whatever it needs to leak I don’t know oh yeah I lost rocking I lost a rock pressure plate please frak I need wood I do believe I’ve forgotten why I’m Standing here guess I’ll go back inside that’s a noise I just heard they’re still there I need to get some sand that’s what I need I can make glass Jock It’s Time to finally his nightmare so it has begun John I’m sorry but this is for the of everyone in the Galaxy John what are you talking about this is finally our chance erasing memory wait ja why you green holy crap a new banjo kazie game let’s go play this oh [ __ ] now Jac I know you weren’t around when the banjoo games were but I’m telling you this is a huge day for Me I the present right okay gu what oh hell yeah you can make bamboo wood now here goes oh that’s super Co towards the rest of my life that’s exciting okay yeah okay why did you do that ja how can you do this to me man I Wanted to play that game for years and finally I get it hey check it out huh Donkey Kong Country man this game really takes me back as far as I can remember it was the early very hands on this crazy new game Donkey Kong Country with sweet revolutionary 3 rendered Graphics who Could forget the fond memories of snapping these games into our Super Nintendos heing that familiar click and hitting the on button then there in the Dead Silence of night with your blanket enveloping you in a Heavenly shroud of comfort you heard that euphoric jingle for the very first Time huh from that moment on it was clear it was obvious it went without saying you didn’t play rare aen era of video G unever seen news new way to play and aace to see who could make the best looking and most gamechanging software it was In their early days they were known for such games as battle toad Wizards and warriors but they didn’t hit critical Acclaim until they became a second party developer for Nintendo and rock the world with their Donkey Kong Country line of games gaming would never again be the same No and R knew this they knew it better than the rest of us that’s when things got crazy Donkey Kong Country 2 did he’s conquest and Donkey Kong Country Dix Kong’s Double Trouble Diddy Kong Racing blastcore Killer Instinct golden kn7 Donkey Kong 64 Perfect Dark And oh didn’t mean to make 23 of them oops uh okay oopsy do how can I can I unmake things while they were line from9 to the year 2000 was something I can only describe as oh that’s exciting and fun good someone aren’t we aren’t we that’s Right you didn’t think I could possibly Overlook banjo kazui did you I mean look at the look at the title of the video was probably going to mention it what’s so great about banjo kazui you ask huh well I’m just not even sure I can put it Into words but I sure as hell can try never just looked across a misty Shoreline gazed over Beyond the Horizon and said to yourself there you go further explan you need to clear do you need every single part of the game was packed to the originality and Cont it was a collecton if you will but I still don’t get why this is considered a derogatory thing when referring to games yes it is a game where you collect things but the game is built around it so it’s fine each collectible is ingeniously hidden within different Parts of the level the best part about finding them is you have to survey the landscape and locate them by the seat of your own wit there’s no way points okay it’s not like Bravo Team bear and bird meet us at Al Point there’s none of that And of course it must be said that banjo koui had a freaking awesome sequel called banjo Tui it’s pretty dang rare graced with a sequel of that quality and size but then something terrible happened a misstep on The Stairway to glory in the year 2002 rareware in its entirety was purchased By Microsoft Corporation they started making games like grab by the Ghoulies perfect dark zero and Cameo elements of power and it’s fuzzy but I could swear I remember something else something far more Sinister M well if we can’t find new then I guess we might as well just Play the old one the next best Thing uhhuh John uhuh and that’s you skin a cat bird I don’t care let’s play the game already huh Kazi nuts and bolt nuts oh no no sry man I didn’t realize please register me I guess there’s only one thing to do now huh well here it is Banjo Kaz it’s sort of a Bittersweet feeling seeing the rareware logo again after all these years huh you hear that jingle right there that’s the stuff of heaven and look it’s spiral Mountain good to see you again old mountains can’t be friends so we’re met with a familiar menu screen but it’s A little different than before look like banjo’s become a bit of a hoarder huh I guess those are all the Xboxes he had the red rings whoa they’re all about to topple over but they never do so let’s do the deed and start up the single player Campaign huh is that b toades in the background nice touch so the game starts off with a bit of a retrospective it tells the tale of banjo kazui and grun it shows the games that came before overcoming many perils spe impediment send gruntilda tumbling to her Doom conquer Bad Fur a music we get it rareware you used to be cool can you get on with it stop stop it stop dting me oh jeez oh darn it they got fat so this uh radio here tells banjo and kazui that it’s been 10 years since they were Invented and that they’re all fat and washed up yep can you feel that can you feel it this kind of reminds me of the beginning of conquer’s bad ver except instead of being funny it’s just banjo telling us over and over that he should have ordered a small pizza I’m [ __ ] Serious look at this [ __ ] we get it yes where all by bone I thought I had like 90 of them why you always be telling me this oh I’m inash how did I get so they up with oh no I didn’t okay I had like 10 you get three per okay all right Never mind it so this gu call the Lord of or a log yeah this game reminds me of some certain kind of logs like these ones your name is odd and you look a bit queer you got to understand she’s from a different era man this sure does follow Up on the spirit Banjo Kazooie game subtly breaking the fourth wall if you spell subtly like this now then in line with your banjo tradition your challenge will consist of collecting as many pointless objects as possible whoa whoa whoa you just hold on a second get it because I don’t remember How I did the thing holy [ __ ] no no no it’s too painful to watch yeah you got that part right Gamers today don’t want all this they just want to shoot things but the demographic I’ll have to think of something original something original huh broadening the demographic all right A bite what exactly did you guys have in mind cars cars cars holy [ __ ] we you I can’t believe you did this to me godamn it I can sit here and be shovel shed all day but no one no one can tell me that anyone anywhere thought this was an okay Thing to do why why would you take a [ __ ] banjo to doy game what have we’ve been waiting for for years and make it about [ __ ] Lego go no must calm myself let me go ahead and try to explain this how do you say very well Justified rage let’s go back to the Roots of the problem and maybe if you don’t already see it the way I do you might just change your mind flashback to a year 2000 you just be banjo K and you hear grld say those beautiful words you just wait until banjo 3 Flash Forward to Late 2006 six whole years after the release of banjo Tu fans of the series were graced wonderful to hold on something that made the coming years look brighter than ever the real nextg banjo Kazi game her secret wishes were finally realized we were once again privileged to experience that lost genre Of video gaming adolesence the new big budget 3D platforming game banjo coming back baby and we were happier than ever only do you see anything wrong here I don’t know about you but I don’t see any cars or boats ores all I see is the promise of something so EXC so Beautiful oh God I can’t stand look at it anymore so here we are at Showdown Town great looks more like a bad custom Counter Strike map oh good I get to move around finally oh good tutorial on part oh you know you’re doing something wrong with your game if the first 3 Hours isn’t menus good I just put make a undergrow trees underground I’m going to do that soon I’m going to try I need to get more simulator and then you turn on the game and ch’s G comes down like a [ __ ] who lik the old Mario games am my right BRB Legend he so silly exactly uh what do I do no seriously what do I do no no seriously what do I do no I’m [ __ ] very ladies and gentlemen I plucked a whale from the ocean and he sounds like a sea so seriously this is just one big Empty level with nothing to do in it I eventually found out that you got to talk to people to unlock missions where you can actually do things so why then can I walk around this giant Wasteland this feels more empty than Fallout 3 a game that’s supposed to feel empty I Swear to god it feels like I’ll save these for a tree or something and fine if you’re going to make it a car game fine but why make this Overworld that has absolutely let me gu is it per chance because the last games had overworlds That had things die if I don’t Fe it if you’re trying to live on your predecessor’s success that’s fine but you can’t change the game still keep the old level design that makes no sense but I’ll tell you what does make a little bit of sense to me now I can’t prove it And I haven’t read anything confirming it but consider this the intuition of a season veteran of the early video game industry based on this old trailer and these baren levels it would seem to me that banjo kazui nuts and bolts was actually going to be bj at some point Like I said I can’t prove it but it would make this and you know what if they had gone through with trying to escape I mean I don’t know if it would have lived up to the originals but the here the graphics are pretty appealing everything is stylized and banjo actually controls Pretty satisfying on the ground and I’m not kidding the atmosphere in some places is actually pretty fantastic the real part of the game is boring I don’t even care do you care do you [ __ ] care I don’t care maybe I can end the game early by killing gruntilda while She’s in the open get it kick ass seriously this ain’t funny anymore this is now called drum Dron even though you may not believe this I hate the fact that I Dr Dev to does it heal me oh no it doesn’t Okay the way to do it what does that Eyeball me and slap Kazooie on this I respect the idea but come on guys you’re better than this [ __ ] you sorry that was out line I can’t do this anymore I don’t care if I have to sit here forever I’m not playing anymore of this godamn game No no no no don’t eat the apple It that’s all I can make I need water to make anything is this fire a good idea I don’t know I don’t really know what it does Can I make can I do a cliche please I couldn’t do it without you guys so thanks for continuing to watch and support my show special thanks to Captain hos dick Jose DIC for select CGI sequences special thanks to Shane for all this pixel art and of course another Special thanks to George Graham for all the help you’ve given me buddy dick piece of [ __ ] liking this video favoring it and most importantly sharing it with a friend enjoy it helps me out so much so you know what do it please please do it please I’m also if you haven’t seen It don’t forget to check out my other works currently annotated right before your beauti lice oh [ __ ] yeah and thanks to plasma 3 music he made the the music that’s important that’s an important one I missed that guy has stuff I want his stuff hello John where are you putting This episode off you need to stack up and come review this game but I’m not to have to a [ __ ] I think he bought it rockington who no I was reviewing the game the whole time look John that doesn’t go in there you silly [ __ ] you’re right you’re right has to be done H Bubsy Bubsy was a Bob cattoon I guess that video game company Accolade tried to push us their mascot of sorts you know someone rival like Mario and Sonic you did a good job here [Applause] guys Claws and counters kind how can I fail I don’t know I don’t see how I can fail oh jeez I just don’t really want to do this but yeah you know contracts and the sort MH I could possibly go wrong I don’t know you’re pretty safe with the chapter One called cheese wheels of Doom I’m the wager that everything could go wrong the first thing a little something I like to call a float game as in everything’s floating Bubsy in fact that’s one of his main moves I find it a bit curious that they designed a bobcat that have two Abilities jump and Float what kind of what kind of character design is this it’d be cool if he was like you a flying squirrel or a bat even then I’d have reason to feel justified in gliding I mean when’s the last time you were hiding freaking Bobcat just came Blow by It didn’t happen it’s cuz it can’t happen I know some of you might call that nit but but look how stupid it looks it’s a pantsless cat with a white exclamation t-shirt [ __ ] floating around like Mary poins in a hurricane the background is really disorienting Just watch when you jump up high it just sort of stays put and all the platforms around you completely vanish it gives you a pretty cool idea of where you reside spatially also every single button jumps that’s pretty good of your buttons oh is that a save point let’s go check it Out mhm am I stupid I really thought that was a save point like seriously doesn’t that look like a what you’re that guy’s so silly thinking he can escape I don’t know the jumps are hard to make he’s in Block what Ked me here I mean as you can See there is a giant between me and Steve Martin Junior here it feels like they wanted to make something like Sonic the Hedgehog here the levels like it’s Mario he’s got some sort of ice momentum going on here if you start running he’ll build up ridiculous speed but since you die in One hit your adventure is bound to end in seconds it’s like they didn’t want you to have this game they wanted you to feel like a four-year-old who just ran out into the ice R where what’s going on here bubs you stealing all right I melted was that was That falling damage they put falling damage in in their [ __ ] dty platform game it’s option you can take this Al yeah I’ll make this better Eventually what it took me to the beginning of the level who cares I don’t care I don’t even I don’t even care this game wouldn’t even be so bad if they slow down the pace of it and zoom the screen out everything’s too close up Before you know it you get Pelt it with something you didn’t even have a chance to react to you never know what to expect next you just got to kind of carefully inch along to beat this game NE that’s just no fun no no look no there is there is Falling damage in this game I’m not crazy you you can’t put falling damage in a freaking platformer that’s like putting gravy on Skittles all right it’s done with this level just got to get a little oh oh jumping in a car killed me no I don’t really that’s the way we wash our Hands I’ll take your hit Bubsy I see what you’re saying to me don’t you worry we’re on the same level Jesus let’s try Bubsy to maybe this one’s a little better what could possibly go wrong y yeah busy two busy three busy [ __ ] two oh and don’t expect those amazing Puns to stop anytime soon if anything it speeds up I am a I’m not exactly sure what’s happening here on the intro screen but I do know Bubsy turns around and is like what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] [ __ ] it apparently though he likes it so I can choose Between one player grand tour whatever that is and play for points yeah play for points got to get that gaming score up and post it to SNES live yo yo Gatorade me [ __ ] H was the ending of Bubsy one that Fantastical did some plot development end up causing the Bubsy Universe become A 1984 esque dystopian future well clearly one thing’s for sure I got pick from West Wing and East Wing never mind Bubsy you know the whoever they are so it would appear the bubs is in this weird place and he’s got to go to all these places and be levels don’t worry It’s all very well explained well this time around at least we got more buttons to work with you can jump Glide and use an item Now by far the best feature in this game is whenever Bubsy dies he’ll say the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life I’ll be Back keep it up keep it up make some quote from a famous movie or something although dissimilar to the likes of Duke Nukem when Bubsy makes these references it’s not in theing it’s just annoying apparently not buy apparently not wow they should have called this game drugs Z I mean wow looks like it’s on drugs what’s going on in this picture it’s like some Salvador Del [ __ ] you got Pig statues and and pigs and pig lady what is this what Pig World oh it’s it’s Hamot it’s ham i’ benefit some from some I could benefit from some TNT night I know you’ll make the me of it I’m leaving you busy it’s just like they drew up about 200 assets and dumped them all into this world with no cohesiveness whatsoever I mean I guess it’s seems like they’re really trying in here but My God it’s a cluster [ __ ] to the eyes I can’t play this it’s like like a fever Dre why is he doing that why is uh why is he doing that for what is the re what is the reason for this it’s hard to explain but you don’t get the same kind Of environmental feedback like you would in Donkey Kong Bubsy doesn’t have much weight or feel like he’s really there so it’s hard to play in control you would have to be really young to get the enjoyment out of this I mean Bubsy 2 is marginally better than Bubsy one but It’s honestly only because of the better art design okay this whole situation is starting to make me vomit my mouth a bit so uh let’s graduate to our final stop on this H you don’t want this you think you want this now but trust me you don’t want This Bubsy 3D for the PlayStation one apparently it’s winner of the gold X award one of the sleeper hits in 96 yeah a quote from the guy who made Bubsy 3D run jump swim and fly anywhere get your pause on a mess of Adams for extra lives Okay hold the phone having oneup in your game is not a selling point let alone a bullet on the back of the box I mean you can just tell they were really stretching to say even one good thing about this game play cat and mouse in a Unique two-player mode yeah but hey this game’s from the good old days where the game manual is actually the cover of the jewel case and by days good Lord is it hard to get this thing out it’s got these two little bumps here that keep it from slipping out and four pins holding It in place there’s really no easy way to get it out not like you’re going to need instructions on how to play 3D an instruction manual on better game selection might be more useful to you at this point I don’t want to do this I’m just Letting you know that this is a bad idea I could possibly go wrong whoa hey well now I think we know where all the budget went so as it would seem the bad guys in sneezing enemies from the first game I like how that’s actually what they went with as if they Were like nope they were the first enemies in the first one that’s it they have to be the main enemy we can’t come up with anything better than this then [ __ ] this dude parallel universe Moto like the gobas that the first enemy you seen the first game that’s it main Villain five stars eight plus four stars man if these are the cutscene Graphics I don’t know that I want to see the real game Bubsy is 3D in furbit Planet because Talent well there you have it Bubsy 3D now this is truly art right here yeah you are Looking at Fine Art where do we even begin with this Bubsy 3D’s controls can’t even be categorized as bad they’re closer to unfinished it’s nonsensical how you move in this game and it goes beyond every gaming convention it’s hard to explain but you can’t run around Freely like in Mario 64 you can only go straight forward and straight back to turn you literally have to move move your trajectory left and right and then go forward when you got the direction you want to go in turn this makes Bubsy 3D feel more like a freaking strategy Game than a platformer and oh don’t you forget this game wants you to know that this is the true essence of a platformer now what would a platform game be without platform now if you would just take a nice look at these platforms yep that sure is a platform all right a Non-colored nonp polygonal nontextured platform bumpsy 3D literally a platformer oh God oh God who looked at this and thought it was okay this is what the Alpha version .0001 of a game should look like not the finished product now it is true that Mario 64 revolutionized 3D Platformers and Changed the way we expect them to function but Mario 64 came out on June 23rd 1996 whereas this game came out October 31st 1996 that’s about 3 months later and if you’re blaming the PlayStation 1’s 32bit limitations just take a look at Crash Bandicoot still before Bubsy 3D on August 31st 1996 so Let’s talk about jumping when you jump and this is every time you jump for some reason the camera pans down at the ground I suppose to help you see where you’re going to land but after a while it just kind of gets nauseating and obstructs your view just so many poor Design choices here that it’s impossible count them all at the top of my head and oh don’t lose any sleep Bubsy still says things oh does he ever still say things oh look an arrow aren’t these game designers wonderful how truly ironic the game designer’s job in most cases is to Create a living world that ceases to be fake in the mind of the player I mean think about it even if the game constantly breaks the fourth wall like in dup Nukem or Monkey Island The World Is Still believable your suspension of belief kicks in and your mind allows you To meld with the game environment is if you actually there when a game like Bubsy 3D makes self-referential humor it just seems foolish having the designers of this game refer to themselves as designers something just feels wrong about it Game Theory time on you know I mean look at the Walls and the ground it’s about as basic as you can get for polygonal gaming Bubsy himself is the best looking model in the game and even he has only like five frames per animation I suppose what your goal in this game is is to find the 32 missing pieces of the Escape rocket Or something there’s 16 levels in this game so I suppose that would be two rocket pieces per level the game actually comes with a little map of the first three levels H from way up here it looks like Sonic 3D Blast almost makes you feel a little bad someone heart and Soul into this game and maybe it was really the best they could do I mean they even named different areas and gave the levels clever little names like claw for alarm and claic catatonic catastrophe did I just say I felt bad let me rephrase that I Feel bad for me you think I’m skimping you here or something no this is all there is to show there’s nothing more you just walk around this place and grab atams that’s it and it’s hard to even grab them the hit detection is so precise I mean if you can’t even get the Coins in your game right I mean you want it to be gratifying you want it to be like yeah coin you don’t want it to be like um hi yes I am oh excuse me sorry I just uh trying to grab that coin Jeff Goblin wait what what turns out if you Leave your controller idle for too long bu starts messing around with look seriously look that’s it that’s the best thing that’s the best thing in the whole game he’s just he’s [ __ ] with my team good I think you know admit it or not you just failed it Make hard time walking from point A to point B be now no distractions no obstacles just walking in a straight line watch the [ __ ] out citizens of Bubsy land Captain bubs drunk as [ __ ] again and heavily armed with puns know didn’t have to do all that play all Those games I think it’s raining with me okay you can be a bit of a you a tight a personality sometimes I don’t I don’t care I’m I’m going to say it I’m going to speak the truth I you had a Day want to get the latest info and updates on JonTron videos and events go on over to facebook.com/ JonTron show and click like waiting for you if you enjoy watching these videos share them with your friends it don’t be the bogart the Humphrey Bogart That kind also if you’re looking For some more John Tron content there’s two videos right there that you can click on and the YouTube they made the program they take it to them and they said Kos was the best hero they got it wrong sister Hercules is clear even cut weapon John N finally back L come here I want to show you I’m playing a game based on my favorite Greek legend Heracles I’m glad to see nothing has changed around Here F this [ __ ] wait a second sh got it Hercules went through his 12 trials to become immortal right well I mean I don’t want to stop playing games or doing the things I love to do with you or even making this show hasn’t stopped you Before I want to become immortal TJ just like Hercules by playing the 12 games of her what did you [ __ ] just say to me chickens let’s start the party Jron Hercules have always been a fascinating to me Tales of treacherous JY epic voes across the sea mythological beasts of old and the Very of nature they tell of humans creating larger than light hers and gods their own flawed image No One Is Safe from his or her own Yours so to make an example of my point I’m going to play Hercules game on a Comm 64 it’s called Hercules what a name I guess4 hey I did it I well know uhoh now it’s really dark in here it’s okay I’ll save you don’t worry I know you’re afraid of The dark we got some back here’s begin so yeah apparently you die instantly if you don’t start to move I’m not looking around I’m talking like instantly I what kind of legendary reflexes do they expect people to have I mean at this point they barely mastered Gaga as soon as you die it skips you ahead randomly to the next level or something so you don’t even have a chance to learn what you did wrong in the first place and before you know it it’s over what the hell is this [ __ ] I Don’t want this poor guy to be in the dark I don’t want to be alone either but for now that’s the way the game is supposed to be who would do this who would do this it’s AB absolutely random it’s like the 1980s version of I want to be the Guy you jump here platform turns invisible fire Death you jump there fire Death hey at least I can get the big sleep so I don’t have to play this game and I’m not talking about the saor doll P oh yeah her climb those ropes climb those ropes baby so close almost at the Exit so close come on oh come on I’m done with this Believe it or actually another Hercules related game on the Commodore 64 it’s called Hercules Slayer of the dam they just couldn’t go enough of that gener whoever of a cassette I [Applause] did you’re not supposed to listen to it silly Well I got to say there’s not much to this I have a sheep now does he Eat how do I feed the sheep this thing’s going to escape somehow I swear is that the way you’re going to play no thank you I’m not dancing this dance today but should I say as for of the early video G more interesting takes on Hercules we have C Lady it’s aom RPG and quite honestly I could not tell you what the hell is going on in it this rather unknown series is still going on today on theend this is so Cool Danny still have sleep but it’s okayy how are you looking for sand why is it so hard to find I found [Applause] sand also found bad monsters oh I just realized I made a mistake okay now I am safe I think yeah I’m pretty safe now yeah I’m Like so safe I’m just like kind of Trapped in here with little pickaxe okay um CH here for sand we want the Sand is it almost daytime you going to be all right shut do need dirt too I was e lots of dirt keep up in my while sleeping KCK trying to like ex excavate this freaking sand without going through the water uhoh fix it okay where should I dig be my best spot IES be ofes beare jealousy sounds like a thing throwing something at me and I whoa something is throwing something at me danger danger well just going to hope that I did enough work maybe I should protect myself quite a bit more uhoh oh it’s not what I want to do please for The love of [ __ ] God [ __ ] that was not fun someone out there okay now I should be enclosed enough to not get [ __ ] attacked except from that way [ __ ] it’s not what I wanted to do [ __ ] let me break the bounds that’s not what I wanted but okay let Say the kniv run up and down Rusty gar bits this hurts my ear so bad it needs to stop it’s like a mix between a fever dream and the Insane Clown POS oh man looks likees too many walk ising I he looks like how let just create water source Only that’s the going to be Prett liting TOS honestly of AR a only first of all what kind of OCC is stroller what kind of this is en closed now I just created a water source somehow Unsure how I did that guess being a it to Around here I might as well take to the streets and give it my all he didn’t stand a chance enough maybe I’ll finally get aint about what to do around don’t stay here I might Hur you lady you got on that Ang I’m sorry to have imposed on You m we’re not in Florida or this really turned ugly leave me alone can’t you see that I am buy oh don’t you worry Yuri this plan for all to see I think it’s to point out busy busy busy busy he can’t even be bothered to clean out C so Preoccupied can’t just leave like this hanging around got to step up got to be get rid this put in the responsibility now I’ve played a lot of RPGs day and I got to stand [Applause] NPC well not be there at all hey guys I don’t think you should be so rude to Hercules he’s the son of Zeus so we can kill you all right well I can’t find any help outside maybe I’ll find some help get out of our well yeah I mean iose that’s right I think anything from that beting from I want to any out the white the rest of no thanks Samuel hey guys want follow more that from or just make for me in the comments like you always do another I have chot a my hand above my head J Try oh my God Summer’s almost here but I haven’t lost my winow weight I can’t walk CH what am I going to do to lose all this wait stop inventing and eating things like cheesecake pizza oh that was in the past shock cheesecake pizza’s in the past I Suppose I should bring up your short comings as well you’re a r Lucio ball you know what I’m going to do to l l actually go outside N I got an even better idea released in 1987 by epics as a followup to the popular winter and summer games Series California games was made to capture and emulate The rhythms of the sunl Pacific coast if I first sto traffic on a 405 freeway epics figured why leave the comfort and shade of your own home to play in the hot summer sun skating surfing BMX and more baby this game had It all surf up dude first up the halfpipe ah the Hollywood sign that’s how you know they’re not fooling this is a real deal California skate park the game just you right in no tutorial or breakdown on how the Mechanics Work frankly I’m not getting anywhere by Standing up here time to Dive Right In I have a feeling this is foreshadowing I don’t know what I’m doing he just Falls over every time and his skateboard Just Hits him in the head then it gives me cryptic tips on the bottom of the screen Like too late for kick turn well how about you just teach me the turn first and we’ll add the kick later cuz I can’t even switch dire WBLS every now and then when I pull off a move it gives me random points stuff like 156 skull and crossbones and 105 Water balloon at least you can give it to me in some terminology that makes sense like coconut 56 so now there’s something a sensible person could understand oh oh oh oh I got it I got I’m I’m getting it I’m not getting it let’s move on to foot bag foot bag What’s that’s my favorite Cali sport I don’t know about you what you like a Stree Haw hey uh you uh you got somewhere to be I’ll get out of I’ll go distur no go fine there a couple waves I can run I don’t know who they were Trying to fool here but they should have called this what it really is Riv ANS practice oh it’s it’s hacky sack this is not called foot bag it’s called hacky sack anywhere is that supposed to be the Golden Gate Bridge back there yeah I know it’s not actually gold but seems Like it might have of the seasonal depression and is that Alat Island oh man I mean when I think of the beauty and man of California the first thing the first thing I think of is the maximum security Coral facilities got to see it you can actually knock down this Bird that’s pretty fun come on get him get him wow I’m right here yeah well tell me what you’re going to do if I hold you like an ice cream cone I’m going to swor a little but not much yeah that’s what I thought all right next event surfing let’s r those Waves it’s like I’m really there this one’s a bit unintuitive at first you die instantly unless you push left on the controller right away you press left and right to turn trying to get as many jumps as possible before the wave comes and gets you if you don’t come down at The same angle you went up you’ll fall behind the wave it always cracks me up see you later WIP out shark comes up and it’s like hello there that is the goddamn shark I’ve ever seen I love him and he’s mine now overall though there’s not much To this next up is skating cool skateboarding oh no they mean roller skating oh my God come on really this girl falls over every cracks in the cement tiny tffs of grass in the sidewalk sand particles H it over the CH got to be honest didn’t expect to clear that we Should give this game to sick patients cuz I haven’t had a laugh this good in a long time I think maybe should keep okay BMX something we all understand please let this one be good I mean we’ve all ridden a bike before okay except for this guy oh oh oh Oh almost lost gravity there Canal Jun that was a close one Canal Jun oh my a single one of these games they’re impossible to control they’re impossible to understand I can’t go 5T without eating [ __ ] yeah not to mention the game literally mocks you by giving you colorful commentary throughout dorky Also possibly dead call an ambulance try slowing down oh oh yeah I got I got one for how about you trying a real progam that get us sorry I wasn’t reading chat frisbe I don’t even know how to I bet my spiders are horrifying you see yourself like a secondary oh yeah are You the one throwing the disc and the one catching it so this is a game where you play catch with yourself hey guys chances are if I’m actually in the 80s I’m probably already a fat nerdy kid in his basement alone without friends you you trying to drive the point home or Something I’m going to get it I’m going to get it I’m going to get it oh I didn’t get so there you have it those were the games I mean it seems to me that this is a perfectly accurate simulation of California Sporter if you suck but luckily for us they made a California games to let’s see if they’ve since hone their programming skills you guys um you uh you guys all right someone someone behind me let’s drop in on a Gromit grommet I used to say it all the time back in C you couldn’t stop me saying this Word’s nice because you can get flint from it so Majestic oh [ __ ] you all right good God how violent you wouldn’t expect that from this game turns out what you have to do is watch the wind sock so you don’t catch the wind in the wrong direction and fling yourself to a rocky Doom come on H almost I guess you’re supposed to drop these water balloons onto the Target but I haven’t been very good at it so far so all right there’s no more targets over here I’m glad they gave me silence so I could sit here and contemplate the Inevitable up there I go let’s pick the guy holding that looks to be a surfboard oh there a helicopter game it should have a shovel but I don’t not right now well as you can see they’ve in on all the this should be a lot faster if I Didur you know the Los Angeles dinosaur dinosaur that’s good so much so muchel bab I can’t any this you’re actually supp many gravel oh my thises am iing with a view of both the desert and the Golden Gate Bridge both in the same view from a snow from a Mountain a Snowy Mountain someone’s telling me they uh they do their research except for the dinosaur like I was saying that really was spot this is so cool and hit the grass so it’s like you’re actually running down the mountain it’s kind of interesting honestly then eventually you get to a Snowboard halfpipe and this time you can actually control just it’s too bad they didn’t figure out how to program a clock yet though cuz that would have been really helpful closeing I don’t know why he decides to fall from the do like we going a head Start to the ocean your job is to catch the wav this is already a step up from the first game it actually tells you what to do as for understanding I you’re your there I what I this game is so I love this game so awesome [Applause] go Oh my God I did not edit that in if you wait long enough the silly music starts playing again really did they not think about how that might you know ruin the moment 10 FL from last game is a skateboarding game as you can see you’re Only allowed in this scene if you have a severe disregard for rules and other people’s property oh favorite phrases are here too such as the most smooth red don’t really need the gravel wait how do I SC just couldn’t stop me I’m I’m going all up on the rooftops swoo this swoo That just [ __ ] it you know [ __ ] it’s a [ __ ] show vertical hunger yes absolutely because horizontal hunger is for grommits oh jeez these graphics the screen leading into the game looked better than the game itself what the hell this is the worst looking game by far all the other ones had decent Graphics you know this looks worse than one of those games that came prepackaged with Windows 95 whoops looks like I fell off the pipe did that with a torch like it was nothing I died I for for real funeral and all God these people are really affected by this that Must have been one swoed guy I came here for fun in the sun and all I got was a bunch of depressingly amateur sports people and a lot a lot of uncalled for death just gratuitous death you would have been fine without it I killed my infinite water source oopsy Do what did I just play what what what what in the name of all that I just play infite I wanted to have funel this time and all that happened was I got sad you know what I don’t need no stupid game tell me how put all on my Own I think I can leave now I got a lot of sand good some sand oh well I wish I had a lot more sand joh Tron is sponsored in part by audible.com an Amazon company as you may well know John Tron is an independently run show which means we fund and produce It ourselves that’s a great thing CU it keeps us free of corporate shackles and we get to do whatever we want but to keep the show free and running we depend on sponsorships and advertisements if you’d like to support the show consider signing up for a free 30-day trial on Audible.com using this link audible.com it’s an Amazon audiobook company so you can take your audiobooks wherever you want with you it’s got great IOS and Android support it’s a good thing if you happen to be a Game of Thrones fan like most of us are you can sign up right now And get the first song of ice and firebook free can’t go wrong thanks for watching and supporting the show this is spaghetti and have a nice day oh jeez what the also don’t forget to follow John Tron on Facebook and Twitter see more John Tron click those annotations But to keep but to keep the show free and but to but to keep the show are you [ __ ] [Applause] serious drugs what’s wrong with them I want them but hold on let let’s go back to the 80s and 90s when everyone [ __ ] ever was telling me not to do them because maybe I’ll change my mind after all we know I don’t really want to dump all my gravel these advertisements marijuana Potass it makes me The Most Dangerous Drug in the United States and we haven’t begun to find out all of the ill effects these are just so funny and I was just looking at some of them and some of them are so ridiculous that I just got to Give it a world let’s go let’s see the I just think about me mad little kids doing drugs czy my stomach Mr T are you bleeding you all righta Hur I’m I know what just hurt me but I I want to go if I have a door I should Door okay okay yeah make I don’t like the smile feel the smile if you’re going to hurt hurt me hurt me don’t have me thinking about this 10 years later in the therapist’s office nice very good this is the classic this is your brain no it’s not And this is heroin no it’s not it’s egg in a pan we going to make a ton of stairs no that’s why what happens when you smash a egg with a pan your family goes through oh not the dishes oh the clock how are we going to Know what time it is you have to do any of that you chose to do that DRS can get in big trouble you go to principal’s office or go to jail pretty big jump between those two or pizza I’m out pizza pizza no I want pizza pizza won’t do them Rec is good Hamsters are good hamsters are good hamsters are good how does this and you’re getting off track drugs are bad I went do Drugs who’s more dead who’s more dead inside that’s the game I play that’s me this kid died from using illegal drugs are you allowed to be in here and this kid died from using prescription drugs who’s more dead he going to ask who’s more dead which one’s more dead this the Deadest I ever seen just [ __ ] walk in graveyard this guy from a bullet this guy he fell down the stairs which one them his dead you better answer this that better that’s not a rhetorical question that’s not a rhetorical question you have to answer that question when you go to territory I’m Mad let me introduce my man in know them all there’s crawling on the ground man looking through binoculars man Sergeant where’s smoking a cigarette man gone last night Billy burned him with a match I need to go excavate some stuff take it from ter you better tell Somebody I wasn’t sold till the rat I wasn’t sold till then but when that came on boy go darn it my marijuana leaves in the big old trash can hey what about me give her some yeah give me some all right all right you want meth kid here’s your meth and Here’s your meth dealer and your meth boyfriends and here’s your meth mom and your meth dad and your meth CPA and your meth boyfriends meth boyfriend please take a step back okay understand the personal bubble and your meth baby baby I’ll never get over meth baby As long as I live I’ll never unsee meth Baby this got to come to an end soon don’t forget your meth face a meth face is more important than a meth baby just want to point that out priorities a little messed up here but then again they are on Meth it’s called Smoking Dog it can’t be Minecraft this dog is cool as ice dinner I’m smoking that’s how the dog talks he talks like a person just like you smokes like a person what is going on in this how’s it going over there hey agent 4 sorry I’m listening missing things um Smoking he wants to kill himself fine you be out there but you stay out there dog sleepy I should really try and get sleep thanks for being here just listen dogs some dogs these days I could put on something better I don’t know I must have missed when you started Melon farm square melons in your farm NE yeah yeah yeah yeah it’s endearing how everything Minecraft is a blocky I hope you enjoy this I hope that you’re having a good time let me put on something I don’t know better or worse I don’t know I am oh no it’s Frozen yeah I don’t have anything better right now um this song is pretty cool it’s Miko doing hurt here I go I don’t mind put on whatever makes you happy chill Minecraft Saturday heck yeah can I disable that quick menu I don’t want it here can I turn this off I wish I I could disable that thing World rotation uhoh what am I doing Weird sitting I hate that M should get rid this FL I wonder know what I can make with the Flint what I need some steel gunpowder I get some of sand uh-oh uh-oh oh [ __ ] all my sand is gone [ __ ] all right whatever I wanted to try and make some TNT what else can I make oh Where am I doing wrong I see a a flaw on that what’s charcoal good for oh I know what it’s good for what’s copper good For [ __ ] wait what oh Could you please keepa my I think my Heart Stop Sheep I don’t know how I get another one in here Some kind of weird glitches happening I don’t know what Cheap Str you can call me Rous Flex because I’m on this room isn’t like spaced right other people’s thoughts Li of powerful magic incantation thousand of only why can’t I place stuff here I’m get it that took a While this is going to be the the ceiling I’m not going to go much higher than what I’m doing here just got to clear all this out I’m growing trees out here oh yeah I wanted sand that’s right so I can make some TNT for some reason I think I need that What am I missing sleepy you have a nice voice to listen to oh thank you Um I should really L let’s see what am I missing burn stuff yeah yeah yeah I want to melon farm okay all I’m missing a few things then Young Roll songs are so good I can’t believe he made them before he voices yeah yeah yeah so Good good ding fan one you have is on Dr yeah it’s so good actual voice actor yeah yeah yeah I saw that com sorry I’m missing I’m just I’m trying to kind of Zone in out doing the Dig The Big Dig oh look at coal uhoh We should really get a better pickaxe I want to make I want to get more iron and make more pickaxes I want to clear as much as this set as I can as I can I want to C as much as this side as I can Yeah wish I had some Dynamite but then you miss a lot you know you miss all this good stuff yay fun stuff well this is going to anyways mm yeah yeah Yeah [Applause] Makes you wish you again got a hole in my soul going deeper and deeper Took me a re took me a minute to realize how loud that was sorry I mean normally I listen to it that loud anyways but for stream normally I’m just trying to have a try in the background a little bit but kind of quietly that’s super quiet but hearable I get to dig a lot kind of went down a whole level faster than I wanted to but whatever wonder if diamond is still as good as I remember I used to cheat my way into getting better tools but I was before Minecraft was like anything really like It didn’t have like the dragon or any kind of story anything like that it’s like the early [Applause] days inventory editors is what I used to have kind of wish I had those now I really like those you don’t really need them anymore you could like give your things like infinite defense and Stuff there kind of before all that enchanting stuff there’s a lot before actually a lot right way before all that I’m so tired not that tired actually but a little TI don’t know what’s going on anymore where is this oh wow I have a lot to go this is why we don’t dig Down I I see the light the music was on point with me finding the light pretty on point now this is great Oh wait that’s actually bad noise to hear right now I’m near something found something uh-oh I don’t want it right now this is something oh and some nice gravel drum me gravel oh nice monster um another crate oh no it’s the same one okay Have I said a love this yet and War Which one one the song is really nice uh interesting I never knew that cool I’m glad you learned something I know what you’re talking about though sorry it’s okay 50 like yesterday yes good blast while playing my for yeah yeah yeah yeah I remember a long time go My friend didn’t know about the Torches stopping stuff from spawning so our house constantly fall zombies silly silly yeah it’s important I used To to and War I want to listen to something funny I don’t really care if my [ __ ] gets in uh copyrighted I just want to like have a good time you know like good old good time I some Bill bur yeah some Bill bur Bill Let’s see what it shows up for YouTube cuz if it’s on YouTube I’ll probably be I’ll probably be fine probably a 15 minutes yeah let’s check it out I live this [ __ ] isolated life I go on the road I’m in GRE rooms all right chat off Time Candy e time time you slowly go [ __ ] crazy I did a gig recently I was in Ireland and I was in The Green Room by myself and I went to turn on the light it was one of those pole switches and it wound up around itself looked like a little noose and I immediately Just thought what if I just stuck my head in there and just and just turned the lights out literally and figuratively was not thinking about killing myself at all the second I thought what if I just [ __ ] did that and then I looked in the mirror I caught my eye and we both Laughed you know one of the big things that really made me feel old was when McDonald’s started making salads that literally ripped my heart out I’m like they’re doing what what now they have wraps and they’re doing all of this [ __ ] you know what it was was out Of shape people complain to them that you’re like oh you don’t have any healthy are just good McDonald’s this [ __ ] is poison they’re not necessarily healthy they’re just get in shape whenever I McDonald’s I have a whole plan at my age I’m 48 years old I Know what I’m going to order I’m going to go in there it’s going to taste minutes later I’m going to want to kill myself and then I’m going to go I’m going to the gym tomorrow I’m going to the gym tomorrow and no matter how much I say that I woke up the demon in it I woke up to demon and all that grease is just coursing through my veins and no matter how much I want to go to the gym there’s going to be this other voice going dude get a egg McMuffin go down There and get McMuffin I’m going to sit up like The Manchurian Candidate okay we’re going to McDonald’s is my in shaped voice is in the backgound no what are we doing go to the gym I’m just going to drive right down right I know what it is somehow ought to shap people some Close to getting needing to reload [ __ ] blame they had to have more healthy [ __ ] because they’re the reason why everybody’s fat how come they have to do it what about Ben and Jerry’s how come they don’t have to put a little kale and their ice cream why is that Yeah I grew up in a very like Angry time you know like you were afraid of your dad your dad’s dad I talked about this [ __ ] before but I’m still working through it so just bear with me you just were [ __ ] yeah like I love seeing kids nowadays loving their dad like Dad What’s D want to go play Dad let’s go ride bik Dad Dad yeah when I was a kid I was like Dad Dad [ __ ] dad [ __ ] dud I was on the tail end of that I swear [ __ ] lunatic right it was absolute I’m like somewhere in between that and What he was just talking about but it was just the time like everybody was [ __ ] crazy you were afraid and people could put their hands on you and other people’s dads could hit you and then you come home what the [ __ ] did you do nuts yeah grab you dig their nails into Your [ __ ] neck she come home well well she wouldn’t have done that unless something [ __ ] happened right it was all of that [ __ ] yeah me and my siblings we all beat the [ __ ] out of each other you know and then we all teased the dog and the dog bit All of us and we never got rid of the dog one time the dog bit me in the face I was [ __ ] with it it was eating I was like it just laugh could have been [ __ ] with it to stitch me up and everything that’s good though that’s Funny though good dog he had a moment Jesus CHR well Jesus Christ you’re starting to put your godddamn face down there near the [ __ ] dog look if you if you’re being a dick apologize but other than that yeah go [ __ ] yourself yeah everybody getting in trouble like a Bunch of children I was doing a gig in Dallas and some waitress wrote on a like a piece of chalkboard she goes we like our beer the way we like our violence domestic right I got to tell you something that’s a great [ __ ] joke oh what is thiso Fat on that you need every word of that joke you take one word out it doesn’t work perfect joke so whatever nobody gives a [ __ ] one person comes in they don’t like it they ask the manager to take it down he’s just like he you know that’s that’s our Sense of humor here you know have a beer go [ __ ] yourself that’s that’s what we’re doing so she takes a picture of it she puts it up on Facebook and all of a sudden people start complaining and they fired the manager and the waitress because of that yeah unre like like I Don’t understand like what do they think’s going to happen if somebody reads that joke like you’re some guy who would never hit a woman you know would never hit a woman you can’t hit women you can’t you honestly cannot you ever see how they fall they fall Like toddlers you know it’s like they never fell in their life they never put their hands out it’s it’s it’s just it’s horrific to watch you can’t hit them right I’m so good so what are you telling me somebody you’re telling me someone who never hit A woman is going to come walking and read that joke you know just be a Way reload tactical tactical tal everything sh I’m going to tell you right now somay somay there’s going to be there’s going to be the first woman President right which means which mean you don’t even know what you don’t even know what her [ __ ] platform is and you automatically Che I don’t care what it is just make sure it’s tactical tactical chat reload smart people feminist not asart as they coming off tell nothing cool cool cool hope Well right and you wait you [ __ ] wait the first time that dude opens his mouth about some political [ __ ] you watch all these feminists you shut the [ __ ] up you shut the [ __ ] up it is time now got some gun powder from some was elected not you Go pick out some plates [ __ ] you are the first lady he’s going to get treated like Tom Arnold when he was with ran Secret Service name will be like appendix or doesn’t matter not worthy of protecting just enter the Oval Office not worthy of protecting I saw a woman a couple months Back professional soccer player she goes on to ESPN or one of these sports channels and she starts bitching going like I don’t understand how come female athletes don’t make as much as male professional athlet right and all of these men had to sit there and act like they didn’t know what the answer Was they had to sit there like dumbfounded like I know why is that that is a phom I have I have no idea literally I’m sitting at home screaming at the TV cuz you don’t sell any [ __ ] tickets nobody is going to women’s soccer games you’re playing in a 20,000 scene Arena 1500 people show up what can I make promoter lost his [ __ ] ass on that I’m not saying no professional female athlete Serena Williams the women in the UFC you know nobody’s watching your [ __ ] Sport and then you’re going to come and you’re going to get mad at [ __ ] men they keep doing that [ __ ] why are you yelling at us it’s not our [ __ ] job not my [ __ ] job to give a [ __ ] about women’s soccer okay I have men’s a lightning rod pay attention to this is it’s your [ __ ] right dude look at the WNBA dude nobody in the WNBA got Co nobody theyve been playing in front of I have so much copper why can’t I make her copper for bucket for a quarter of a century I feel like scammed it’s a mided league we gave I don’t care if it has like a Certain amount of uses like there’s so much copper like just let me like make a disposable bucket it just like Works only like a couple times or something I don’t know like the guys do in the Upper Deck with their big beard turning on the J am I doing It life can pass you by it happens you know you just keep living and living and living you know what it is you basically you got I think you got like 25 30 years to absorb as much as you can and then that’s it that’s all you know cuz right Around then you get married and it’s over right you have a couple of kids you sucked in the bubble you don’t have time to pay attention to what’s going on in the world you’re just stuck with these kids it’s [ __ ] all over the place don’t be a serial killer don’t touch That you just stuck in that well here we go have four kids that is a 25 sentence trying to get them all through college Society just keeps [ __ ] going you get the last one through college you step back out of the bubble just you don’t know what happen you’re Not even paying attention you go back to your old record collection in your face you’re going to get in trouble yeah it’s one of the sad things about life you get old and it passes You by I feel it pass to me by I’m 46 years Old I don’t even have kids but I can’t keep up anymore like I had a college kid coming up I was like man I I gotta I got to figure out what these kids are into man I was I was 24 when when a senior Was born I got to figure out what these these dudes are into so I guess they were into like this like DJ music or some [ __ ] so I’m like all right I’ll watch some of this you know so I have like a a reference or Two I don’t want to be that old comic coming to the gig being like what’s up with this mono ly is this crazy I mean this this y 2K My Style is going to work so I put this [ __ ] on dude I lasted 90 seconds 90 seconds I was open-minded All right put it on 90 seconds later I’m like this old man a this isn’t music when I was a kid you dress like a woman and you sung about the devil now now that was music true think about the kinds of people that take a cruise these aren’t forward thinkers These aren’t Seekers they’re not pivotal to our survival you ever hear somebody coming back from a cruise it’s one of the worst stories you’re ever going to hear cuz they don’t do [ __ ] they don’t want to travel to another country interact with the new culture try to figure out the Train system of the money all they want to do is just sit on a [ __ ] boat just drinking that’s all they want to do all right worst story you’ll ever hear hey how was your cruise oh it was great I was [ __ ] laying there there was a DJ Over here on the one in the two wer thing right and then they had this chocolate F it’s like a fountain but it was chocolate and you stuck the toothpick in the food you stuck it in the chocolate stuck it in your mouth and then you be like I want another drink And he bring it all your drink it it dribbles down and it GS in your neighor you punch yourself get in your mouth then every day around noon we line up for lunch what’s for lunch we don’t know we don’t make decisions whatever they give us No I uh I took mushrooms back in February for the first time ever I didn’t mean to harvest right now but shit’s pretty much ready literally have you should have mushrooms on your [ __ ] license plate all right so here’s the deal I never [ __ ] with anything like that I Was always a booze guy I was a booze guy I always get nervous when I get W build the wall just I’m [ __ ] around relax it’s frightening to listen to but that’s what being a guy is you’re not allowed to have motion so that’s all of that [ __ ] comes out when you Do something dumb so I don’t feel stupid oh F like I’m PL sh here Psy one of I and I was like all right I got somebody watching my kids everything’s fine I’m in my 50s I got to do it now or I’m never going to do it right so this Person who might may or may not offend my opening act tonight goes all right man still no there oh yes so like how [ __ ] up you want get right there’s always like a square and it’s like okay don’t eat the whole Square just like fight one corner lick The other one and rub the other one let it absorb in your face or whatever I’m like all right he goes how far into it do you want to go I go I just want to trip a little bit nothing [ __ ] goine so I just a little bit so I get a little naous or whatever first it feel like I ate some we then all a sudden like I notice [ __ ] that’s not alive looks like it’s breathing right like the refrigerator look like it just did a lap around the house it’s kind of nothing threatening you know it’s Just like you know you know TV started getting bigger it’s looking like it’s going to fall on me all right and I was doing fine I was fine I was like I know that TV’s not getting bigger and if it is I don’t give a [ __ ] go ahead spill that pixelation All over me I don’t give a [ __ ] I know I’m tripping I’m having fun I’m giggling I’m laughing at [ __ ] I’m putting things together everything is [ __ ] great and all of a sudden about an hour in all of a sudden this profound sense of loneliness and not feeling loved just washed over Me yeah and I was just like I [ __ ] knew it a e i I hear you’re a spider somewh why you know off isn’t getting done you know defense too slow and just run tell we got to get some more black guys in this team CU I’m tell and immediately every like [Applause] what actually I got a couple uh friends of African persuasion and uh I got to get rid of them man I this is fun I’m fine I’m spending too much money on closeth hanging out with them cuz I got to like [ __ ] try to keep up with their Wardrobe it’s like every time they go out they got all brand new [ __ ] on all brand new [ __ ] so when I show up with my white version of brand new which is you know I basically I iron the [ __ ] right I IR right to they just start trashing me I can’t Keep up with them man they got like [ __ ] 58 this is good [ __ ] pairs of sneakers notic that [ __ ] like every color [ __ ] triin and I don’t give a [ __ ] what [ __ ] up color their shirt is they got a pair of shoes to match it and a hat it’s like a rule or Something they’re the worst even when you wear some new [ __ ] there’s like some sort of rule that you got hey it’s Train That’s Sammy you aod one all a just look at you f like this [ __ ] how are you I am playing the Minecraft who that and then the whole car’s like oh [ __ ] then everybody just starts making fun of your [ __ ] clothes first they do the math like what was that five days ago five days this [ __ ] got five shirts he got five shirts they start breaking it down yo his first shirt be saying Monday next [ __ ] be saying Tuesday the weekend he Ain’t wearing no shirt I’ll tell that’s actually funny you know what that’s actually how uh how I judge black guys now when I first came to the city like all black people scared me no I was like the typical white dude from like the suburbs you know what I Mean had no frame of reference you know my only frame of reference with black people like remember those early 90s gangster rap videos throw the [ __ ] LA riots in there man was [ __ ] horrible PR I watching the video he’s got nice car he’s got all the women and he’s still [ __ ] Mad these dudes are never happy but after 10 years of living in the sea this is how I narrow it down whether the black dude scares me now black dudes with dirty sneakers scare the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of me no I figured out my head cuz I know from Hanging out with them that’s the last [ __ ] that they’re going to let go the immediate [ __ ] that they have on so I think you know if his sneakers are [ __ ] up that means his life is [ __ ] up every time he leaves his building the whole neighborhood oh [ __ ] everyone sucks making F Of I kind have this howdy Duty kind of mug me kind of face I’m not saying something’s going to happen I’m just saying I’m paying attention so I’ve been seeing this girl recently uh black girl right she lives up in Harlem you know gone out like Three four times you know first time we hung out we hung out like the Village area in New York you know which is sort of like a racially mixed area so [ __ ] was cool you know what me second time we hung out was more like Midtown you know see these seem to make Plants over and over and over again that’s pretty cool so it’s 3:30 in the morning she lives in Harlem I look how I look so it’s a [ __ ] [Applause] situation your farm seems to yield pretty fast yeah yeah yeah I put use bone meal been waiting to Play Street it’s it’s kind of tricky but you got to use some some mods um it’s I could try I could teach you it’s not too hard in six Street you’re like leaning on [ __ ] like dude where’ all the Cs go you got to have good Hardware though tax Up here you got to like your a good computer dude what’s a bodega I don’t know what that is get the [ __ ] out of here so I’m praying to God she’s going to tell me to take the subway get off at like Fifth Street third you know which Is like the first stop in Harlem where I can still look over my shoulder see like all the white people like disappearing Over the Horizon you know she goes no man you want to get on the uptown two3 train you want to get off at 125th Street like God [ __ ] 125th Street Jesus Christ that’s like right in the middle of everything I’m going to be surrounded on all four sides I can’t [ __ ] do this so at this point I’m really trying to hide like the [ __ ] tone that’s starting to creep into my voice you know and I’m trying to ask for really Specific directions for when I get up there because I want to know exactly where I’m going so she starts naming the streets I have to go down and every other Street up there is named after like a black leader you know she’s like make a left on Adam Clayton take a right On Frederick Douglas I’m like God [ __ ] Adam Clayton now dude go on the internet look up Adam Clayton did he kill a bunch of white people during the slave rep dude I going up there till I know what I’m play [ __ ] this [ __ ] so at this point I’m really having A battle with myself cuz I’m thinking I can’t do this right I’m like I can’t do this but my dick’s gone no come on man we can do this all right just relax pull yourself together and get on the goddamn train right so as always I listen to my Dick oh yeah I get on the train by the time I get up there it’s like 5 or 4 in the morning right I’m staying on like Malcolm X and like Danny Glover or some [ __ ] right I don’t even know where the hell I’m At when I see the street I want to go up I want to go up St Nick I can literally see her apartment building but there’s like five or six black dudes standing right on the corner right where I want to walk by I’m like [ __ ] felt like I was on like some Reality show at that point like I forgot what I wanted to do Survivor he was ridiculous so I’m think I got walk right by these guys right you know what’s funny I think that they were actually more surprised to see me than I was scared you know and I was really really Scared you know but I’m also really really white you know like shockingly Caucasian you know what I mean like if you’re not ready for me I can like surprise you now especially if you live up there You’ probably seen a white person for hours possibly days so when I show up It’s almost like magical like a leprechaun came out of nowhere you know feel like I should had like a little pot of gold like a rainbow behind me top of the morning until you like it kind of dance my way past them but it’s been going all right you Know once I get in her apartment I’m fine you know I relax sit down you know watch a hip hop countdown pretend like I know the groups you know what I mean it’s just getting there that’s a [ __ ] pain in the ass but you know I Don’t get mad at it cuz I figure you know black dudes got to go through the same [ __ ] though right when you go out to the suburbs go [ __ ] a white girl right just that same awful feeling of just leaving your people behind you know just less and less of you as you’re [ __ ] driving out yeah okay probably start off lean and you’re all [ __ ] cool 20 minutes in you’re driving like 10 and two the ra I’m excited like this [ __ ] going to get a tree planted there’s too much grass I don’t see any rims this is [ __ ] up the windows are Tinted I can clearly see white people in every car this is [ __ ] up listen you guys were awesome thank you so much for coming out South man I had a real weird experience last time I came down here I was in Nashville right sort of an awkward social situation right I’m Sitting at this bar there’s this white dude sitting like two stools away I don’t know him he doesn’t know me and that Terrell Owen story was in like sports news so I try to make conversation I’m like man look at this guy this guy just signed a $40 million Contract he’s already bitching man how much money do you need to make and the dude looks at me he’s like you know you know what I say and then he looked over his shoulder which I now know is The Telltale sign that the n-word is coming And it’s coming hard oh yeah it’s not going to be pronounced with the a it’s going to be with the r and he hit the r he like stuck The Landing there was like a dish Mount clan members high-fiving in the background like doing the wave just out of knowwhere so now Immediately I’m looking over my shoulder like d what the hell are you doing you know you know what I mean I waiting for like this hail of Black Fist to come raining down on top of me I hate when people I got a lot of Work to do that dude made me part of like a potential ass kicking that I had nothing to do with you don’t do [ __ ] like that he just had that word hot potato just threw it my lap trying to pass it down to the next white [Applause] Dude I hate when people do that man you know it’s like dude fill me out first ask some questions do you like to fish have you ever [ __ ] your sister right I start rattling off ances then you go old school you give me a pamphlet you tell me about your Militia don’t just dive into it that dude was one of the angriest people I ever met I should have known that word was coming cuz he was just watching Terrell right anytime I would bring up look at man that guy’s talking he would just like flip out he won’t shut Up you know those people get like so mad they’re not even looking at you the eyes are up you just shut up and play the game you know what’s funny I don’t even like ter but now I love the guy because every time I see him talking trash I Know this idiot in Nashville he’s just losing his mind like kicking over his kitchen TV shut the [ __ ] [Applause] up I like violence man I am not not like when it happens to me or if I see it live I like watching it on TV you know watching people you Know get attacked by animals just get blasted in the face of something you know like I’m a huge sports fan you know my favorite like moment of like the last year was in sports that Detroit Piston Indiana Pacer bench claring brawl wasn’t that great that was one of the greatest Things I’ve ever seen I was so confused when I watched ESP PN that day they were like that was absolutely disgraceful basketball fans they just must be I’m sit that looking like I’m a basketball fan I loved it I thoroughly enjoyed watching out shap civilians get the [ __ ] Kicked out of them my professional that stuff yeah fascinating and I think as sports fans we kind of had a c cuz how many times you gone to a game right you got a little too drunk you started screaming at some dude on the field who could Clearly kick the [ __ ] out of you right if you saw him in the parking lot you’d be like hey can you sign my Stam collection I think you’re awesome you get in the game you’re all drunk you’re like you suck buddy you’re a piece of [ __ ] and they’re always calling them up Come on up here no come on up here they came up there they didn’t they kicked the [ __ ] out of everybody it was great it was like a cartoon you’re like beating up whole rows of people at once like I loved every second I love how Ron ESS punched the wrong guy wasn’t that great he taught that dude a valuable lesson in life when [ __ ] goes down you don’t just stand there like you’re watching a movie like wow it’s coming right at me must be in 3D or something that was a 5′ 6 in 110lb white Dude had an angry 6’10 in black dude running right at him that had to have been in his top three nightmares all time wonder how good I did this time I was just going to cut off lit on fire and he just stood there well I still have the liquid in my Cup so there’s there’s no way I could an idiot p in the stands I mean that’s that’s just like what’s entertainment for me now you know I like that Jimmy the Greek moment that happens in sports you know like once every four or five years you know that like some 50 tries to explain why black people are kicking the [ __ ] out of white people in practically you know and it always goes down the same way there’s always like three white dudes and the one white dude in the middle he’s always like the guy with like the theory you know he’s Always you know it seems these these African-American athletes they uh they seem to have this uh this quick twitch muscle F you know there slow twitch and there’s quick twitch and the second the dude says that like the other two white dudes start like sliding on a frame like Okay this guy’s getting fired and I’m not going to be part of this highlight nice knowing your net keep that seat warm right and the dude in the middle he’s just like hell bent on getting fired you know he just he starts like bringing up slavery and evidently they were breeding The strongest man with the strongest woman and that quick twitch and literally 20 minutes later that dude’s on TV he’s like fired right he’s crying his family standing there he’s got like a box of [ __ ] from his desk with like an Emmy sticking out he’s Like I don’t know what I said I was just talking about the quick twitch and the slow twitch and I was wasn’t just trying to make a point no I love that I love seeing people mess up their careers like that it’s just funny to me they go white Dude on some level I have to believe in that theory CU it’s like a white dude’s that bad at basketball I can’t even watch the NBA anymore man it’s like every highlight the white dude’s like that the black dude do like his nuts in his face [ __ ] I’m just sitting at home like For the love of God tackle the guy Jesus Christ get out of the way do you ever get tired of those two nuts flying over your head you know you’re going to be on Sports Center just get out of the way dude I’m telling you there’s got to be Something to that theory I saw this show one time on runaway slaves it’s one of the most amazing programs I’ve ever seen in my life dude when you ran away as a slave you just didn’t run to the end of the driveway and be like a [ __ ] that job Just start walking down the street okay maybe I’m Excavating a bit too far right now run through whole states this dogs chasing you you’re hurling [ __ ] you’re swimming those were the first [ __ ] triang I don’t want to go further than this and there was nobody helping them Out there was no dude on the side of the road like come on man two more States from in Ohio stck it up you’re looking good looking good yeah you dude you are on your own is it any Wonder 250 300 years of that [ __ ] and then I’m going to D you up in gym class it ain’t happening I come from hundreds of years of Alcoholics I got like half a liver you know what I mean it’s just you know what’s funny to me about that stuff you can’t even like you know I Obviously know that that theory is crazy but it’s just like you can’t even bring up how well black people do are doing in sports everybody gets all weird about it which I don’t understand because it’s like a compliment you know like feel how weird it is right now you know I just Brought that [ __ ] up I’m saying something good right I like I saw a coach get in trouble for that [ __ ] like his team was like 0 and six or something they just couldn’t win and every week the Press was just getting on him more and more and more Right and the dude he was just like flustered and he had like a moment of honesty they were like why can’t you guys win a game he’s like oh you know I know the offense isn’t getting it done you know defense you too slow and it Just run tell we got to get some more black guys in this team with I’m tell and immediately every’s like what everyone started freaking out like they had no idea what this dude was talking about it’s like are you watching sports center or do you see the Olympics Like I love the 100 meter dash right there’s always there’s always like like like nine black dudes and that that one token white guy in like Lane eight I’m just sitting there going come on man one time just one time just win the bronze just do what you got to do The white dude always stays with until like the first turn then he like [ __ ] blows out c those other eight black dude where’s that white dude the next Olympics he’s like up in the broadcast Booth his career’s over he where he’s like a commentator yeah it’s going to be A great race still can’t feel my [ __ ] toes but I’m telling you no I don’t get it it’s like a comp we’re saying you’re fast that’s a good thing right people start all freaking out oh you’re acting like that’s all we can do you’re saying we can’t be scientists no we’re not all We’re saying is if there was a race through the microscopes you [ __ ] would win we just saying that you’re fast you get there first your labto would be flapping in the wind I’d get there like 3 minutes later I’m cramped up what you looking at bacteria no you go first you just go First Jesus Christ was a buo the guy ran by a buo in Street shoes I’ve never seen that before my life no I I get into those arguments all the time all the time friends of mine will be like well how come anytime a black athlete does something they say it’s an Athletic move anytime a white athlete does it they say it’s an intelligent move and it’s like well fair enough man it just just depends on what you’re doing you know what I mean it’s like you know if you read a defense white or black that’s an intelligent move right But if you take off from the foul line jump over nine other dudes and throw the [ __ ] down those other nine guys aren’t standing there like [ __ ] why didn’t I think of that [ __ ] here I am guys that’s some superhero [ __ ] she like a cake flapping In the wind with a big S on your chest I’m telling you man that’s the funny Jum Tron man look at all these games they just don’t make them like cool spot anymore if only they knew my yearning for a real game a game based off something terrible from the 90s and starring Tim Allen that’s the one I want if only they would make a home improvement video Game this game is so good nope Home Improvement oh the memories just come flooding back it was a television sitcom back in the 90s that started the Oscar Goblin career of Tim Allen and surprisingly the television career of Pamela Anderson what that’s what I said it was uh show one of those Concoctions of the ’90s moral culture and family Centric importance like most shows of this caliber the cheesy level was somewhere between Family Matters and full house if you go past Full House I seriously think you just disappear into the void Uncharted Territory look aside the main point is they made a Game out of this like really I understand that back then if it had a face that made a freaking game out of it but really Home Improvement the game I really want to grow trees some restraint that’s about as good of an idea is making a first person shooter out of Sister Sister ah my favorite publisher absolutely Le copied Sierra’s logo so we start off here on the set of Tool Time you know that weird show that Tim Allen had in the show that totally would have been a viable show in real life by the way I I would pay to see That [ __ ] I’d sit in the Splash Zone wrong with why I say that so seriously it’s just them talking to this one Swanky loop from the coolest Club in town Did I say Swanky let me just go ahead and rearrange that there we go so like they just talk for like 5 hours seriously look how long this dialogue is back at B they were like okay our demographic is kids now what a kids like how about a series of levels where Tim Allum explores the true depth of his love for his family and wife oh [ __ ] Tool Time cut scenes PR that [ __ ] so as all great story lines go someone steals one of the the tools he needs on his show and leav him a cryptic serial killer message that if he ever Wants to see this tool again he has to go back to the Stone Age I I can’t even believe oh where’s the pillsberry do boy award P what’s the uh when we were kids so naturally that means the set next door is in the Stone Age okay yeah it could it could be worse see I’ve seen worse so immediately he’s doing this annoying [ __ ] just like immediately he’s doing this whoa hey cheee man I don’t remember ordering any jalapenos on this pizza what’s all this he’s got like 10 different dazzling Moves and I have no idea what any of them do and they just St Sparkle what I mean the graphics are appealing so far just look at this this is ridiculous I never once in my life thought I’d ever be making Tim Allen scoot Along on a jackhammer weap and that’s basically all You’ll be using none of this Dazzle Sparkles you know so as you may have guessed the main enemy here is is going to be dinosaurs yeah I mean after all the first thing I think of when I think of Home Improvement is dinosaurs yeah have you noticed that I tend to Review things about dinosaurs a lot I swear I didn’t even notice until you guys pointed it out to me is what you might call a coincidence this time as well I mean I picked this game because I wanted to see what I would get from a home improvement Super Nintendo game and I got dinosaurs i’ I’d be crazy if I said this isn’t what I was expecting it’s just like when you see a spider mob and an MMO or a skeleton enemy in an RPG it’s like wow how long did it take you to come up with that one you’re really Breaking new grounds here guys so basically what you’re doing here is going around and collecting scattered crates cuz they were too lazy to make a real game there’s like five or six or 80 on each level only problem is you don’t know where they are so you got to Navigate this completely repetitive and mind-bending Landscape to find them and most of the time you just end up running in circles all over the damn place you can usually tell how blatantly terrible a game is going to be if it’s made like this with the whole colle X and Y level Before reaching the exit sort of thing it can be done well like in zombies at my neighbors and in fact that may be the finest example of this format the way it was done in Mighty Max and in this game are the completely wrong way to do it I’m so excited this game is an awful lot like Mighty Max like wow really a lot I guess this was just the good old formula for making a game suck back in the 16 bit era so back to these enemies I was talking about they impossible well they Made sure that no matter what you’re doing when you’re doing it you’re going going to be getting hit by something it’s freaking infuriating you get hit by a dragonfly you fall you slide backwards into an ant you end up getting hit by a projectile with trying to dodge a pterodactyl [ __ ] eggs Ands everywhere you’re supposed to feel like you can dodge enemies in a game another big problem with this game is you can’t rush through it like you can in Mario or sonic or Donkey Kong you got to play it like surgery or you’re going to die a lot you would probably be Disgusted if you knew how many times I died just on this first level it’s incredibly unforgiving so let’s go down here for a sec what did I see what am I seeing here no what am I no is this is this am I right now at this moment as Tim Allen From Home Improvement using a lightsaber chainsaw to fight a raptor I don’t know how much longer I can last this out okay so like you got to find the boxes but where the hell are they it doesn’t tell you oh unless you st stand still for a few seconds really I mean if it just tells you anyways why isn’t it on your heads up display what inevitably ends up happening is you start periodically standing around like an idiot watching Tim Allen use what he read in a book was humor as the game tells you the exact direction to go Always less than th all right I got one box left to go let me just go ahead and try to get it should be easy okay sweet Next Level all right so it’s like the same thing as the first level but with a night filter in the Background hey it’s no Picasso but it’s easy on the eyes this time around with we got these piranha plth but wait a second don’t that guy look a bit familiar ah okay so these bolts are telling me to jump over to that platform nothing unusual here okay this is a Cruel trick oh okay this is exciting I am having fun jump well enough go figure well now that we’ve gotten past this many funs are being had I’m building a Tree it obviously led me over here with the bolts why the hell does the ledge which looks like an area to LEAP from lead to absolutely nothing everything in this game is maddening to the eyes not only can I not figure out where to go but when I’m walking casually around the Game leads me into death traps no I’m done the gig is up I am no longer subjecting myself to this torture that would be mass histic as for the rest of this game I mean what do you expect no seriously what do you expect cuz it’s what it’s what you expect it’s like Space robot level ancient pyramids level Ooh It’s A Haunted House level Mighty Max the entire [ __ ] game is in here as a level what’s the cliche you know of hey it’s the Home Improvement level I’m surprised we didn’t see a level where the And who stole the cookies from the cookie jar anyone else noticed this bird can talk the [ __ ] that about right I’d like to thank you for watching now if you can just click the links right in front of you it’ll take you to more of my videos so click Please I’m so Excited jron hey there sorry I was just [ __ ] around with the books on my shelf and you know reading the nummers and giggling at them you know what I’m saying I feel like I’m going to uncover them days from the day I put myself in the Line of fire you know that game was so bad I didn’t think I’d make it through the day so then comes the lovely gaming sin of backtracking out of desperation now may I remind you this is the first 3 minutes of the game human Spirit she is resilient isn’t She yeah here I am a whole year later still trucking along like a sack of potatoes on a long open road wishing he’d stop for gas the last rest stop and then on the inter of State 12 he gets hijacked and murdered by a bunch of Quaker ghosts that had moved on for the war of 1723 [ __ ] what even is my purpose what am I doing here what am I doing what is all this [ __ ] anyways a f work pleas I to tell you wait what’s that so much work Star Fox Adventures I thought they burned all These in the great cleansing of Rodrigo Sanchez this game some crazy times with this game you know most people don’t even remember I mean they remember the game but they don’t remember it no it’s all so clear now I’m not here for nothing I’m here to bring these Repressed Memories Back to the masses I’m here to shed light on the Betrayed heart of the man woman and child that have been brushed under the rug like last week’s sawdust it’s not right it’s not right we will never forget not while I’m here we won’t like holy [ __ ] [ __ ] just calm Down like bro seriously do you need a glass of water or something I don’t need water but but thank you that than what I need is a Nintendo gank where to begin well I guess let’s just start now long long ago before rareware made avatars and they were Actually a game company they made some really standout stuff back in the day for the N64 like banjo kazui and Conquer B bir man some people might have called the but as we all know even the great must eventually fall first in a rather lengthy series of blunders was a little GameCube title known as Star Fox Adventures stairfax temperatures was originally a game slated for the N64 under the jaw-droppingly brilliant name Dinosaur Planet suck it in at some point during the development though the game shifted from the N64 to the Nintendo GameCube and then an amazing thing happened you See it all started out when shigar was walking around the England one day looking for trouble when he happened to stop by Rare Studios upon taking one look at Dinosaur Planet he was all okay let’s see what you going on here I see how you got a fox we got a fox actually You put him in it’s like cocky little freak it’s perfect rare was stunned by the utter Brilliance of This Magnificent conclusion the Dinosaur Planet was now to become stairfax temperatures well that’s enough history lessons for one day what do you think proud sh those who can’t teach preach and those teach also Teach interesting oh no oh no oh no Is that ah just looking at that title screen brings me right back after All Star Fox 64 is one of my favorite games of all time and you know what it still stands up well today everything about it was sound effects The music the stand out and memorable characters the gameplay and especially those cheesy on liners you’ve got an enemy on your tail pretty smooth flying SP k a barrel hey Einstein I’m on your side you’re becoming more like your father just looking at all this gives me a Nostalgia meltdown it has great Replayability too the kind some games couldn’t even hope to achieve were branching paths and objectives you had to fulfill to get to the real final boss basically pure gaming Bo but then silence no Star Fox games for nearly 5 years until you guessed it Star Fox Adventures we all saw in the Gaming Magazine we were all [ __ ] excited for it finally another Star Fox game and not just anyone one with sweet cutting coming out of the GameCube made by our favorite company rareware going to be squeet what go wrong all the elements were right all the [ __ ] planets were aligned in Favor of this epic rainbow bombshell fin dive in and see what we’ve been missing all our lives Palace well this is it here you have it this is actually the next Star Fox game after Star Fox 64 you start off on a te it out As a Blue Fox girl speaking in uh well you decide what it is you know I’ve got to hand it to him I’ve really got to hand it to him they did it rareware trolled the entire planet with one Fell Swoop and don’t give me any that [ __ ] this was Nintendo’s decision this was also Nintendo’s decision this was also Nintendo’s decision not to mention here’s another decision by Nintendo you say no no like you’re talking to a dog and just peed on your rug no Artistic integrity is important in fact it might just be Omni important okay I just [ __ ] I avoided that narrowly nice got it okay whatever maybe it’ll get better from here on it can’t judge a book by its cover let’s [ __ ] like stuff on my cat cuz I think you’re pretty much getting you know the entire experience right there so to recap you start off the game Not as Fox McLoud but as a blue boobs mcfur dream also known as Crystal some sort of fox lady that speaks some sort of stupid language I made up I always find that to sounds so foolish too whenever they do that in movies or games I don’t know why it just sounds so Stupid the best part though is that every now and then they just say something in English SC I mean why that’s so stupid it just it’s just laughably stupid to a ridiculous degree if you’re going to go so far in depth that you actually create a language for your game why even do that I don’t get what the what the reason could possibly be because I [ __ ] stupid anyways she gets off the ship and reaches uh CA Palace CA Palace yeah dead place up here there are dinosaurs everywhere all dying and [ __ ] maybe she should have brought some Talent on or something probably going to help you you know for dinosaurs on the Verge of death they sure give some good tutorials but you start to notice something a little funny these controls are just Zelda controls instead of mortally wounding a bunch of dinosaurs just to have a tutorial level they probably should have just had some guys standing around going hey you ever Played o enough time all right you should be fine I’m going to go play his har Court Oh what’s this it appears the BL just found something oh man she’s [ __ ] happy about so happy she’s looking above it oh looks like a puck Puck eggs oh cool not to worry they’re not dinosaur eggs looks like everyone’s safe oh wait a second they come from Puck Puck Birds hold up it’s not cool that they’re dinosaur eggs but since they’re bird eggs it’s fine what kind of [ __ ] up [ __ ] is that bro the [ __ ] is that oh hey ja I thought you died man now this is game play you get a barrel you run with said Barrel you Throw Barrel a given thing you run back you get another Barrel rinse and repeat fun fact distance gets longer each Time you know my favorite part of Star Fox 64 was throwing barrels at the jellyfish from King jabu jabu’s belly pretty much sums up the experience so you go even farther into CA Palace run through some firez who give two Fox doesn’t even hurt you in your million Health and you get to every Fox’s greatest bear a mini game for Six-year-olds you know what you know what I just realize the Mario Party Min game of this is harder yeah something’s wrong there wait wait what’s that is is that Star Fox music I hear oh my God no is it really happening oh oh oh oh God oh God is that Slippy oh my oh my oh no what the [ __ ] is that well I guess at least Fox is finally in the game maybe the intro was just trying to you know ease us into this perhaps now we’ll get to experience the pure virgin GameCube Star Fox Adventure oh oh oh yeah oh yeah oh oh the spaceship oh oh are we going into all range mode Hell Yeah me oh my God tell me tell me do a Barr roll oh oh that was it well that wasn’t even as good as the One on the N64 it was just a straight shot and there there wasn’t even really any variety where are we now like more dinosaurs okay he’ll translate for you okay uhoh got a weapon why could I bring my blaster yeah yeah why couldn’t he bring his Blaster I want to use his Blaster You know like a Super Smash Brothers okay so I guess just we’re going to walk around and talk to more dinosaurs then instead of using any blasters maybe in or around this area I am going someone do this are I really human well at least we playing as fox Now I guess but know when you want something I don’t like it when he cries like that it’s too real in the place yeah that oh yeah look at that climb it’s sexy put it to music one thing this game does just ruins everything for me is it uses those stock Royaltyfree sound effects for like everything that just takes you right out of the game and why would the mushroom be making the sound that’s the sound that the [ __ ] imps make from Doom oh hey check it out something that’s more than anything else we’ve accomplished that’s far well I guess Fox Sick thing and he’s not scared by floating heads so you go and be Ricky winter for a while and he beat the race and launch off this cliff and this is the longest fall ever this man and now you got this little Dino [ __ ] following you around and I don’t Know he wants blue mushrooms or some [ __ ] cuz he’s bored as [ __ ] me in his game he just wants to get high hey I don’t blame him that’s right was your mother that sent me to find you is she okay she’ll be just fine oh man really no I’ve never cared so little About anything in my life here little fella let me just put this Mushroom in your knee so you can get your fix perfect here just come here tricky I just want to show you something that’s right this is really where the game starts to take it turn the words I mean Don’t get me wrong it was already pretty bad at least before you could go through the game without a baby Triceratops staple to that was pretty good before see it’s all about perspective this whole need I got stabbed sword but hey that guy got stabbed with two swords man My life’s not so bad that’s pretty much what this whole game is it’s like it’s just like hey remember when you could play the game and didn’t have to feed a baby dinosaur mushrooms L that was awesome wasn’t it why don’t you just go back and play that part here I’ll clear The save file for you so I guess I’ll just try to get through this I’ll just keep going okay so tricky’s digging a hole and wait the cas are huge B bu bath Buffon dad what is this and why is it in my star VX game now no It how I can’t anymore one more [ __ ] woly I up double I’m in a Wonderland in Thorn Hollow got to get snoo Dino sh’s anys chasing there was chasing bus to BU things Star scales he throws blue towels I mean foxes I meant that she was F where is he was just ack REM him but that’s not so Co you can’t kick he’s mean and he’s green but they did in Country Returns with Wood man you do not answer and has to for are SE still Escape it the your dignity what do I do can I stop playing the game now please help me ah I’m hit I understand now I have to help myself you tried your best Star Fox Adventures I guess your best just wasn’t good enough you know they may have screwed it up this may be Canon forever and they might be the reason there really hasn’t been another Star Fox theme since but heck as far as this old internet so and so is concerned there’s really only one Star Fox game that holds true in my heart that’s just fine no ask for me well I think I’ve got it all sorted out I’ll be here just where I’ve always been doing just what I’ve always done Ling to me some video games nice having youall Thanks for stopping by see you next time oh and there will be a next time shut up bird Who it’s been a whole year and you know it’s going to be two or three three in two one year because that’s how time works sincerity makes me nauseous but thanks guys for watching show thanks Barry thanks George you got really help me [Applause] Jron is big silly jron Pokemon a series dearly beloved by many few games can claim to harness its gravitational pole this Golden Goose has sold Millions upon millions of copies spawn countless varieties of merchandise and touched multiple generations of kids and adults alike how many franchises do you know that bridge the generational Gap now know what you’re probably thinking to yourself why you telling me this I’ve played them allall I’ve been to a mall I’ve been a Kanto jto tcho having there AO Antonio sister SW with the best what you ain’t never seen the likes of this that’s right with every Big Fish there’s A leech on the belly today we’re going to have a look at the fascinating world of bootle Pokémon games now these aren’t games you can find in stores they’re games that made their way into circulation one way or another none of them are licensed or acknowledged by Nintendo and they’re pretty damn hard to find first off let’s look at what’s known as pocket monster it’s iner that it was released in the year 2000 by DVS Electronics because on the box art there are two small icons reading new game and 2000 hey it’s not empirical science but What can I tell you I’m a simple man it’s strange the label on my game says Pokemon Pikachu edition which first off isn’t even the name of the game at hand but if you peel back the label there’s another label that says Pikachu and it’s spelled wrong what is this game who Pachu look at his Pikachu seriously is it any wonder why he’s so popular even when he’s half F and bootlegged he still melts my heart I can feel the money loosening from my wallet already he like he’s all like [ __ ] You all right I just I got to leave okay joh we just started come on man we Len listen there’s a lot to see in this life not wasting it here well there’s a shocker for you 5 seconds into the game and it’s already like look at his arms flailing even he’s Confused and terrified hey I’m not blaming him I would be too listen to this music this is not level one Music talk about putting the player on edge right away this game is extremely hard to play when Pikachu jumps the entire game lags every single time but then when you just want to go forward he speeds up like a power walker with a New York minute to spare so it’s like you’re Constantly in a battle between game speeds makes the platforming real difficult right off the bat also can we take a minute to talk about the fact the face of a a balding middle-aged man Bly Howard is that you did you come back did you come back even more ridiculous walk cycle I Mean look at that thing coupled with the music it’s like more ridiculous drink and it’s nice and S outside should probably lch before get again nice I should go no I’ve been outside already but that’s not that funny um I got to make food eventually and help my dab or something But game actually playing on my SN ah this game’s like a breath of fresh air cuz it showcases all the Pokémon that we’ve come to know and love over the years you can see Beedrill Porygon monkey Mario dinosaur poop Abomination what is this is this what happens when illicit Pokemon breeding Goes unchecked I’m looking at this from every goddamn angle there is I can’t tell where it starts and where it ends well it’s got a pine conb for a body it’s a wearing a fez it’s got that one staring unblinking eye that reminds you that this creature lives in never ending Ceaseless Agony oh by the way this game’s pure [ __ ] you can never see what’s below you so you always have to take leaps of faith that more often than not lead to your untimely demise and it doesn’t even matter how far you get there’s no checkpoint so if you die it’s Straight back to the beginning when you drop back into the game after a death let that’s you that’s an accurate representation of you saying no don’t put me back in please the continue screen looks like a PSA for Abused Pokemon to me it’s as if he’s laying there wounded in the light And a Pokeball rolls up to him and Ash says keep going Pikachu it’s back in the ball for you no I don’t want it [ __ ] so I finally beat the first level Snorlax pretty energetic for a Snorlax wouldn’t you say so at the beginning of level two you just see Ash say it’s Hot oh he’s coming any minute now oh there he is okay beautiful oh by it’s hot he meant literally it’s a it’s it’s a fire level thanks for looking out for me Ash I really appreciate it this is gson what is that is that Branson is that is that a tap dancing Crab demon is that nightmare is that true nightmare strangely enough there’s another SNES Pokémon game it’s a port of Pokémon Stadium for the N64 it looks like the biggest difference being that there’s a predetermined roster of 12 Pokémon H don’t those names just look strikingly familiar who could forget spia and daggot and Rafe massive damage it is a fully fledged game but there’s not much to say about it I’m just baffled that it exists at all next up is Pokémon adventure on the Game Boy Color oh man this one looks great it looks like a game Nintendo actually could have made let’s do this I’m ready to go on this balloon based adventure with Pikachu gravel gravel gravel no God [ __ ] can I just have a break can I just have one oh more gravel playing this up okay these were my actual first moments with the game complete confusion you know this this Game sets up a certain special scenario for you it says welcome to the game that’s the one thing you can see [ __ ] you this is clearly a platform or why is the first enemy unkillable is this just a way to condition me for the journey ahead something you might notice is that Pikachu jumps like Sonic he’s even got those super fast spinny feet when he runs like in Sonic too oh hey and he even charges up in a in a in a ball like Sonic the Hedgehog y That’s son that’s Sonic it’s it’s Sonic it turns out that This is actually a hat of an exting the Game Boy Color called Sonic Adventure 7 what happened what happened to 3 through six do you even realize what this means ladies and gentlemen we are playing what could be the world’s very first double hack warning John you are in danger of reaching ha Capacity next one Up’s a bit weird it’s called moon this one’s weird I don’t know what to say about it yeah weird skip I love this [ __ ] song Though on the all away that I remember Just a chill Saturday good Saturday want to get food not right now though like I mean like good food like I might order something maybe I don’t Know Manyi gravel I need get a shovel this is going to be a problem The I canot we need the feelings be So you Are the song is so freaking Good why did I build this up like this what was I trying to Protect we make it Home [Applause] keep hitting the wire oh almost out of candy I out of candy what’s wrong this one when the last one hurt yeah yeah yeah M No man this is hard Work youa heart Heart that was that was t hold my up like that Okay I want to put something else n now Um I found something Perfect maybe it’s not perfect but it’s all right [Applause] out of candy it’s my road my road to delete the road that is road to Road oh Oh I got to delete this all this stuff yeus deletus all of my skus I know I say things [Applause] Oh those silly spiders in there I’ll have to go and exterminate them all oh How do I end up down here I really shouldn’t get much closer I want good pizza like so bad like good pizza like you know like good pizza what’s wrong with me I love Minecraft physics nothing makes sense makes a little bit sense but mostly no close to death I am I want to buy food pizza something candy A lot of Things please do actually afraid spiders seems happy has been okay I’m just been really wanting to write but I don’t know I might be able to do it later boo said uh he would maybe if I asked maybe possibly but for now I don’t know for now I just Chill I still even know exactly what I want to right like I don’t I just need to so it’s like yeah kind of a part where I’m like I need to rush I don’t want to rush the writing itself I just need to get writing and if I’m with Somebody we have the ideas I kind of know what I want already there a good Bas is done so it’s like it’s not rushing the writing just getting to yeah I don’t know got to get [ __ ] done I should really open that up a bit [ __ ] cool almost time to recharge [Applause] one more well I mean there’s still a chest full of them but yeah remember what I’m doing over here right now bunch of gravel I need to get Sand Dig Down Start here there you’ve done it you genius right to the wall with it you went pretty much oh well you Genius whole bunch of gravel is going to fall Why is this such an undertaking I just want to plant some Trees the trees will be planted and there’s nothing you can do about a Batman I’ll make the earth a better place Batman De Cav anization this is such a silly song Joker being so evil adding trees to Central Park yeah please do actually new Song oh I almost got super excited I thought one of my things got delivered but it didn’t Oh I thought I was going to be building another tracker today a it’ll be here eventually December 1st to December 13th still in China sh this is such a silly song what should I listen to Next Um how is your morning Oh h let’s check this out can no wash dirty after it changed my mind for nice car game to see Australia I know you already know about raid Shadow Legends but it’s one of the top three ranked RPGs on the Google Play Store the game is crazy popular with Almost and Equipment you’ll be a I know you already know about rage Shadow Legends but it’s for good reason it’s one of the top three ranked will play store it’s crazy popular with almost 15 million downloads in the last six months with over 400 champions for you to Collect and personally customize in one million Champion builds endless to F your play style and once you’ve built up your Champions you can claim glory in the PVP Arena or Raid with friends in a clan and the best part it’s fre with new Champions every month and a progression system to reward you With free Champions and Equipment you’ll be able to learn and collect along the way and once you’ve completed all the missions you’ll be rewarded with one of the best Legendary Champions in the game arbit ra has huge plans for the next six months so what are you waiting get down There in my description click the link and download the game today and if you’re a new player you’ll be rewarded with 100,000 silver two Clan boss Keys 10 mystery shards and one free champion executioner okay thanks bye Thanksgiving one of a time honored Traditions a time to come together with Family friends and a dog I guess if you have one but where did all this good stuff come from is this picture accurate is what I’m saying this picture doesn’t look historically accurate to me maybe it is I don’t know I’m just saying but that’s why I’m here today because I Have the distinct honor to be able to tell all of you out there today the real story the untold story of the pilgrims Our Story begins here in a new world Far Far Away chapter one a very questionable Voyage ah yes the pilgrims those Intrepid few the great founding Settlers Of this nation willing to risk life and limb to save acoss the Atlantic Ocean to escape religious persecution in sight of a better lives for themselves and their families and to forge A New Path in the new world for generations to come a beautiful story yes indeed one that we Commemorate every year here in America with the observance of Thanksgiving if by beautiful uh you happen to mean literally did not that’s not how it happened didn’t happen that way well you thought it was about this he thought it was about this you’re [ __ ] wrong I mean the story of the pilgrims is Technically true uh in the same way that it’s technically true that Ridley Scott has not uh completely lost his mind stop hurting me you see here in America in school we learned that the pilgrims were kind of like the first Americans kind of like an origin story Like Adam and Eve uh only instead of it you know being about the Bible is about a real historical country so you know you could just you could just look that up not only were the pilgrims not the first Europeans to reach the North American continent they weren’t even the First English settlers uh in fact they didn’t want to be settlers at all they were headed for the already established English colony of Jamestown Virginia anybody heard about that anyone know about that what the [ __ ] is Jamestown we don’t learn about that but we learn about the pilgrims who missed jamest Toown they whiffed 200 miles up the [ __ ] country to Massachusetts that’s right my dudes unfortunately our beloved pilgrims just whiffed it okay they didn’t mean to go up there it was just a rather strong wind who who Who’s heard about who’s heard about jamest town Sergio thought it was Jonestown I Explain who know James is Jones forced a bunch of innocent people to drink Cy different place first thing what’ I say it was they cide was in the Kool-Aid you think the Kool-Aid killed him I know it’s [ __ ] but it’s not deadly what was in the Jonestown Kool-Aid chlorohydrate Cy and I’m just saying it wasn’t some bad Splenda so you know from now on when you look at a painting of the pilgrims Landing in pouth rock looking all Fierce and stalwart in the face of Untamed Wilderness think of them less as being like we finally made it now we for and More like oh [ __ ] Jim did you bring the map I’m not 100% on this but I think we might be literally nowhere in the known world at all and all we have is no food and these Dutch Buckle hats which brings me to my next point the Dutch ears That’s right there were Dutch years how are the Dutch years well I’ll tell you so you know that whole song in dance about how the pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution yeah well that’s true I guess if you account for the fact that the religious persecution they were escaping was brought on Because they wanted the religious freedom to restrict the religious freedom from anyone in their uh general area uh to put it in layman’s terms for you uh the pilgrims were basically a cult and so the king of England was like look you can you’re free to do that Weird ooky spooky cult [ __ ] or whatever but just I don’t want to see it all right do it in the Netherlands or something you see the pilgrims were actually well known as being a more radical sect of the Puritans and I don’t know how that’s possible what they think The Puritans weren’t pure enough it’s in the [ __ ] name the pilgrims were like the punk rockers who thought no one else was Punk enough no matter what they Did oh my God sorry what I’ve been the whole time I’ve been calling them the pilgrims my bad I should have known better man I I should be calling them by I’m sorry I should be referring to them by their real name that they made up for Themselves and wanted to be called uh the separatists that’s the separatists didn’t learn that in history 101 this is the name of the kind of group you definitely want in your country what’s wrong kingy you scared you scared of your head on a Pike in the middle of the Capital city for all the gaw at but it’s just a name huh you’re scared of a name you hear that King James has name of phobia everyone [ __ ] you to the Netherlands is what he said get the [ __ ] the Holland the Holland I’m the king so not being able To practice their radical faith in peace in England they exiled themselves to the Netherlands to live out their days amongst the dut that’s right they up and moved across the channel to a town called Le which I’m sure you all know and love is a little Slice of Heaven between vorberg Andor listen Dutch people you stop sounding like that I’ll stop making fun of you fingers crossed behind my back [ __ ] you’re never going to be stop being made fun of I’m never going to leave the Dutch alone so finally thanks to the unprecedented tolerance of the Dutch the pilgrims could practice their Intolerance in peace until shortly there after where they literally said can you [ __ ] believe these dut people before you know what our kids are going to be talking like that jingle this this literally happened by the way I’m paraphrasing a little bit they were the only people to be nice enough to take Them in they just they just TI it in their face yes that’s right the goals were so actually disgusted by har that they were convinced actually be better to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a rickety boat of questionable functionality so they could live somewhere in the woods In the middle of nowhere and basically do what they were already doing in Europe except without without running water chapter three so that’s right inica learn about a rag tag band incompetent flating cultist English separ who almost all died because they’re both spray leak and they forgot To learn how to before and the only reason they survived is because a nice American man named santum most of you may know him as Santo some of you may know him as gaswatch wrong came along and was like Hey I notic you guys were likeing over Here like want me show you how like try to intr dude is a skeleton put fish put little fish in the ground and the corn comes out and then your little is on a skeleton all right okay I’ve slaying up American sacred cows for one day or should I say sacred American Turkeys I shouldn’t say that this is a high holy holiday coming up Thanksgiving and uh I’ll make good show my patriotism I’m that’s right we going rock there she is that’s Plymouth Rock seriously this is Plymouth Rock why did they got it in the cage it’s jailed like a freaking zoo Animal I seriously didn’t know it’s a rock just an actual rock how do I know this was the one I thought Plymouth Rock was more of a metaphorical thing like you know a big CAG on the side of a mountain not like a literal this is this Is barely Plymouth Stone my dude don’t they just look like they’re having the time in their lives not such a bad life though you know he gets fed a couple times a day every now and then Robert comes down to give him a power washing all right honey I’ll see you later the the the rock got a bit dirty from sitting in sitting there dude you could just steal Plymouth Rock dude I’m not saying you should but you could just steal Plymouth Rock got a buddy with a back this rock clearly needs some company God knows it Needs some company so I’m just going to just chill now with uh with Plymouth over here and you know Rob’s going to stop by later with some white claw we’re going to hang out play some drinking games he didn’t hear from me but he can’t hold his liquor okay gets drunk Rolls around you got to dodge him your toes get all smashed up it’s not pretty okay guys um I’m not sure what I do on this channel anymore and I’m sure you’re also not sure but [ __ ] you Huh Hey guys didn’t expect to be seeing you here um so I bet you’re wondering now you’re really not wondering are you why I’m in a bunker literally in my basement in my house one minute you’re there you’re making all these epic plans to entertain the world the next minute you’re in your Basement so until further notice my show is just going to be taking place right here in my War bunker okay I got vinyls be needing those when it’s all over it’s vinyl I’m trapped I’m really trapped guys look there look at that I put goog I put Googly eyes on bushes baked beans listen beanie you’ve been a great part of the show you’re Unforgettable but I’m going to need you for sustenance during these these Harsh Times sorry I’m going to have to open your skull and drink your your juices slimy yet satisfying well we may be here until Further notice but as they say The Show Must Go On okay the mood the second nothing like force feeding myself this lady okay this lady she’s back you know her you know who she is you know what she’s done it’s with heavy heart and out of sync chakra I must Inform you that goop has somehow gotten its own Netflix series I know most of you probably know this by now it’s old news but everyone’s been non-stop requesting I take a look at it so as a man of the people I figure I will give the public What It Wants interestingly Enough it wasn’t received very well by critics who cited that the show was pedaling pseudo science basically uh so the world hasn’t totally lost its mind yet that’s that’s one thing to count our blessings on I suppose so the actual name of this show is and I Quote the goop lab with Gwyneth palro I don’t understand how has it come this far why will goop not just stay where it belongs which is underneath the foundation of my house in my pit if you happen to be one of those privileged few who haven’t heard of goop Before I’ll just catch you up uh goop just happens to be the health and wellness company of widely renowned Hollywood actress winth palro now you know you’re dealing with a rable company when you got headlines like goop approved shrink says there’s no such thing as Corona virus best part about This is that goop has actually distanced thems from this former contributor which reminds me of when Al-Qaeda was like okay listen we might be terrorists but these freaking Isis guys what the hell just little extreme the concept of the show is brilliant wiith and her posi Pretty much there’s no other way to say it uh they put her staff through a literal Gauntlet of human guinea pig experiments to I don’t know find the Fountain of Youth or something I’m I’m talking total shots in the dark like one staffer will just wake up one day and be Like what if like swallowing liquid nitrogen like cures postpartum depression oh my God good job Jennifer yeah let’s try that what if it does don’t for get to sign your wrongful death suit waiver all right then let’s take this dive of Faith with them we got six episodes six steps six chances for Fatal injury let’s find out the route to perfect health according to goof Hello step one doing hard drugs on the ground in a foreign country is it too late to back out or um when I started goop in 2008 I was like my calling it something else besides you know making out with Matt Damon on screen or whatever 14 seconds in okay 14 and Already we’ve got perhaps a contender for the Guinness Booker world record’s largest humble brag technically 9 seconds cuz the little Netflix logo takes up five all to itself 9 seconds in to me it’s all like lading up to one thing which is optimization of self like How can we really like milk the [ __ ] out of this Le she’s honest just another Day at the Office you have 100 needles in your face at leise what the [ __ ] are you doing to people what the [ __ ] are you doing to people what the [ __ ] are you Doing to people you put a 100 needles in that woman’s face gwith we need answers okay what did you gain from that we get to explore like is this real do we feel better and grapple with some topics that are hard you know like algebra who needs that biology see you later ethics Definitely won’t need this one relax that was like next level [ __ ] isn’t that beautiful I I mean it’s beautiful in the same way like open heart surgery is beautiful it’s nice but I’m not going to put it on my wall Rams I’m not going to frame it isn’t that beautiful isn’t that Beautiful you got to wonder why that’s not in the Lou you’re see those dark spots are always chafing down there no really checks God that’s a looker okay welcome such an honor to have you both here what a pleasure thank you can you explain to us what Maps is well GTH Maps Tends to be a diagrammatic representation of land or sea that people can use to find their way around typically from electronic uh to old used by hikers roadsters heck I hate to tell you even the OD pirate we’ll use one of those bad boys Maps is the multidisiplinary association for Psychedelics I would personally love to know a little bit about the trajectory of using psychedelics as a healing modality all right let’s slow down G let’s stop using those big words you know those trajectories and modalities and let’s keep it to some simpler smaller ones you do know like give is f And your and you know money you like this you don’t you know this one don’t you well psychedelics are back and they’re being used in the context of spirituality healing and celebrational okay okay this this is the footage you’re going to use to convince me don’t worry it’s completely safe Check out this footage of incin mooh Howard shooting up hot lead up his nose the clinical trials inject that straight into my newborn baby so we wanted to explore psychedelics and a therapeutic setting look Elise you didn’t have to create an entire Netflix series just as an excuse to you draw Okay I’m not judging I’m just saying can we be real I know a lot of those won’t grow but also known as magic mushrooms in Jamaica where their use isn’t regulated Jamaica’s like I don’t know eat as many mushrooms as you want hire a private militia [ __ ] if we care that’s Where we decided to do the mushrooms how did you choose who went on the trip so the goop staffs nominated themselves and raised their hands she’s like covering her bases like at least tell them tell them I didn’t force them oh the goop they they raised their hands I I please Put me in the foreign jurisdiction with no regulations so yeah their first Health experiment here is just literally the goop staff going and taking magic mushrooms I mean I’m on the edge of my seat I wonder what’s going to happen next you can cry you can scream you can Like pound the ground the only thing we don’t do is get we don’t take our clothes off but other than that anything ground you can pun you can scream no sex though don’t want to see any boobies you can take a SIM tar bore your neighbor David don’t see the Boobies though if the boobies come out during that you’re in trouble we’re going to give uh three Gs so we can be with the spirit of the mushroom seriously that that puny thing that’s what you’re bringing for God’s sakes the spirit of the mushroom musroom is joining us tonight you want you wanted To think we’re a bunch of DeWees should have left this to me okay see that that is a proper rooll yeah Spirit of the mushroom yeah where’s Sasha Sasha okay in fact who’s Sasha your energy is pretty good all the time I don’t know where it is Yeah oh [ __ ] oops damn they got some good [ __ ] in Jamaica I was on the way there again to the light source yeah [Applause] [ __ ] I feel the light source it’s turning into an angel in his [ __ ] brain dude oh hey I think I found Sasha two of Them in fact two Sasha if my eyes do not deceive what’s that about what’s that stop jiggling his his bre stop that did he have some flaming he loosened up in there he’s got a chest infection what call that I feel like I’m the light of the Center of the center of the circle right now so was that I want to hear that one more time from you Kevin I feel like in the light of the center of the center of the circle right now Kevin’s having a real good time Jesus good what’s with the Dual pets look how Hollow he sounds too it’s like a [ __ ] watermelon on there nice work there K that was a rough one it was very beautiful to lie there next to Kevin and watch him be howled by these two men in a way that he had by his own father and don’t you understand All Kevin ever wanted was love from his two big strong carry armed DS and now he’s finally got it I don’t know if the mushrooms were necessary but he was on mushrooms while he found his Two Dads you look at the T my duke they are all carrying tremendous Amount of pain and loss you know you for example what could possibly be wrong with you you have everything at least the camera’s rolling cut that out cut that stop that you have everything you’re beautiful you’re wealthy you’re famous like shut up you know this is she’s a riot isn’t she stop it Stop it stop stop now sorry everyone she’s just she’s actually mentally disabled that’s why since going through it what’s been your experience of like being in your body have been carrying this sort of emptiness and loneliness around for 36 years now I carrying this EMP and loneliness around for 39 Years so is it 36 or 39 I don’t get I have more may melted one of your cortexes and thank you for letting me do all of this fun stuff and shut up thank you trees need water I don’t remember don’t make me a coffee okay We’re on to step two chilling with a crazy Dutchman literally 7° 44 Theros shockingly cold this is not just regular cold I don’t know what actually what the stages between cold and thermos shcking are I’m assuming it’s at least three or four colds Theros shockingly cold for a human to go into The water I know you’re about to go in the water why are you going to do it stay out of it take a hike on a sunny day no chickens jump in this is dangerous I started to feel like a panic attack coming on I can’t really blame you you got a Freaking crazy random Dutch guy going this is actually dangerous I’m going to make you jump in that water you can’t go back you look like a [ __ ] but also I won’t let you my arms are strong a human wouldn’t last too long and he would go into involuntary Gasping why you gasping like that man that that didn’t seem involuntary there’s no way that’s involuntary that’s all I’m saying cold war is a great way to learn to deal with Str so this guy’s pretty well known his name is whim Hoff he’s like this insane Dutch guy who just Like sits out in the cold in his underwear and just tells everyone they should do that cuz apparently that’s the only way to resolve anything in your life oh excuse me you’re you’re not sitting on a glacier in in nothing but your underpants what you what are you Stressed or something you can go what are you stressed or something and with that you become the Alchemist of life itself I think you getting carried away dude you just sitting in cold water which was good for you but I don’t know about The Alchemist of Life Thing oh hey there’s a tree there all the [ __ ] sudden holy [ __ ] yes yes that’s me yes I am that I am that they call me the as because I do all kinds of good what you’re in the process of proving is that this belief that we cannot control our autonomic nervous System that we can directly impact and affect our immune system our mood the way that we respond to life yes whatever you said yes I am cold man I mention this I enjoy the eyes he’s so funny I was going to yawning through that that led to the interest of Scientists they’ve injected eoli bacteria Jack dude it’s Harry Potter time you see him sitting in that pool of water you see him get I was able to defy Harry Potter time of season injected and you taught people how to do it I like your little B so far thank You beautiful people going to go into the dep today that’s he made him lay in the shape of a snowf he may cold but it’s not heartless I’m trying to do what you say you keep screaming you’re screaming something at me stop stop when we just go when can I go in The cold water and go what the [ __ ] is going on probably the most thing I’ve to do for go trust me an you’re only in episode two okay I wouldn’t be calling that kind of thing now also hey it’s Anna the it should be able to grow taller from the popup store Anna is one of our fantastic food editors still don’t know what a food editor is go out it was so freaking cold like if I like didn’t have the breathing techniques and like didn’t breathe the whole time I would have not been able to you know I’m I’m a little nervous but I Got to face my fear sometime it’s now or never right let’s do this I can’t get back I can’t get back that was I don’t I wasn’t expecting that like I was just I was trying to you know to breathe when I could to get my like Nose above the water level my my heart was just beat my parasympathetic um nervous system was taking care of that like I didn’t have to make my heart beat so that was like taken care of man I barely made it out of there looking at the lake it was like a Pretty massive o [ __ ] Moment Like disbelief that I’m actually doing this oh my God she did it I’m not to like sound dramtic but I feel like that was changing in my life I mean you don’t sound not oh oh wow there’s a tree all of a sudden wonderful Wonderful with me yeah to do push-ups I can’t do a [Laughter] pushup this is the brief moment like go vro remembers she’s human pushups yellow oh totally i’ normally do like freaking 8,000 of those but like I just have like a Chew bar today all I can say is I know she’s Fasting at least with the sa okay she’s like at least that’s what I pay you for baby that’s what I pay you for she says she can’t do push-ups she’s still going to do more push-ups than that like even though she’s like a clearly like a decrepit skeleton right now and like Basically like a monster for making her do it she’s still going to be down there tooing more like Scout and push-ups me we are going to do pushup how many do we do as many as we can just go just go just freaking go the doors lock your security guards I froze them It’s pure silence dude it’s pure silence it’s was the deal get him out of I’m scared of him I’m scared feeling good ladies yes at least took the fall what a surprise she is strong okay 20 there that’s and she’s fasting I know that’s why I said yeah You don’t to br what I said I said you do more even D bring it up I obviously did it because you know like she’s my boss and I can’t [ __ ] show her up [ __ ] ice man [ __ ] weirdo dude I don’t think I can do anymore you give the best you get the Best do turn in the ice box now okay as far as I can see it’s you and you and me in this room and there’s no way out so you going to give me the you going to get the this I’m nice man it’s because I deal with ice ice related activities all Right okay moving on step three admiring the female form with Grandma so now we’re sittings Exposed Skin doesn’t fit it’s all blotchy I got all these bruises naked little old lady with her vibrator sorry I’m not trying to like be awkward or anything but like I does that mean anything to you Cuz that’s what I was getting like I’m not trying to be weird or anything but yall just don’t worry about that if you ask for signs and messages like really specific concrete ones from the other sign you will get that I ask you for a Sign why do do I not have a Netflix show if this is be the bar Netflix if you are out out of ideas just give me a [ __ ] call so I was doing a reading for Anna and she is skeptical to me this whole medium psychic world is Very much like that’s the truth just because something sounds so fairy tale likee and so beautiful Rapunzel retirement funds thing I want to say is there there are there twins in the family or like a Gemini like birthday what is that June no I keep seeing like like how offended She is now you Pi a stinky like that I keep saying like uh like two back to back it’s very back to back like like I feel like I want to talk about twins okay identical paternal Olen I don’t care just please stay on track Anna it’s One of those things when you’re proving something that seems like outlandish and crazy you have to be like spot on and you have to do it right if you want to prove your point good on you Anna good on you you didn’t C I’m glad Anna’s food At her I like Anna she’s the better angel of our GR like a funny story or a picture about a donkey is there a Shrek what the [ __ ] Shrek I genuinely wasn’t expecting you to bring up Shrek you haven’t gotten anything so far how desperate are you That you go to Shrek this is my psychic charade part and I’m seeing like a donkey and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say about it well do you know I agree I I think I see a charade as well and the donkey performing it is There anything with like a trip to Mexico no okay no no no donkey no Mexico no Shrek what are you tring trying to pitch a movie to me Eddie Murphy goes to shico starting I don’t know what you want from me [Laughter] Lady Lady Murphy goes to shre that’s Good got crossed this happens all the time you what what band were you on oh I was on 16.1 that’s Lindsay that’s not you that’s where the Shrek came poter time yeah it’s December those first people who came in were yours right Lindsay in tears all right just a Coincidence producer of the show associate producers just a coincidence she hears Mexico burrito Shrek oh my God that was my grandfather he was a giant Mexican Shrek donkey my father was just joking that he really wanted for the photo booth at our wedding in a donkey Oh stop it right now that is so funny I love this wow they completely avoid Shrek just want to point that out nobody answers for Shrek I want to know who Health step five the man spreading Merlin of massage you can measure the energy field of the body like somewhere Between four and six feet off the body the body doesn’t end right here at the skin the body is multi-dimensional so when I’m moving my hands in the air and I’m snapping my fingers and I’m making sounds with my hands I’m putting energy into the field around somebody’s body And I’m changing their energy system by the way I interact with it get all that yes peer review I really don’t know what to tell you about this episode this one is about a magician masseuse like am I supposed to make jokes about that they’re not trying by this point they at Least tried with the [ __ ] ice water I got to get more dirt more dirt more dirt and and then they get up and they just go wow how’ you do it DOC I couldn’t come up with this [ __ ] if I tried so to show it just because it it Can look strange but I think it’s time for the world to see a woman on no yeah bring on the testimon bring her onal colums and dir possible and now all my bones are back what you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] I will rain fire upon you Last step Health St plan okay this one at least looks like it could be related to health let’s finish this Saga shall we yum why didn’t I get that one I get the stinky one are you ready for your diet oldie I’m ready really nothing weird nothing scary this one’s just them doing Diets okay all right I can get with this here’s here’s my diet I got ra I got ramen I got to eat on Wednesday with a Red Bull on Wednesday um that that red B deep dish is gonna be on Wednesday I’ll eat that now actually I don’t know something’s weird this Episode is suspiciously absent of randomly separating the plasma from her own blood using a centrifuge and then reintroducing it into her own face using a needle gun now I’m going to collect your golden broth yeah she’s spinning your blood beautiful you put it on the forehead Yes oh look at that I actually my throw up I actually my throw up all right all right so how the how the diet turn out though I don’t know why that was in there these little tones they stimulate collagen formation in addition to holding the skin back what is going on With this episode I don’t recall every diet coming with a sight of facial reconstruction these devices in general lasts about 9 months in the body what you’re telling me is those beads that make me look like the black dollia they stay at least for nine months in my body Sign me up put that in go on put that beat in my face we’re going to give you mirror I just want to see your reaction oh great wow what who who is that who is that Jen fron other than diet what would you say is this sort of second most important is It sleep is it stress okay so after all this why don’t you tell us what what was the moral of the story all along huh how do you get it’s everything you kind of know don’t smoke exercise get sleep and it seems like genetics plays a little Bit of a role in it so get sleep exercise don’t smoke 90% of predetermined fate everything you already know like you say the tenants of Wellness are typically free it’s true excuse me what now the tenants of what now are typically what now can I get that again the tenants of Wellness are typically free it’s true so you telling me all that money I spent on your website I could have got typically for free it’s true all that money gone all that time wasted and I could have just got this typically for free it’s true oh now I’ve Just had it she lied to me she lied when I had nothing left Hello Operator she lied to us I believed in you I don’t know what I believe in anymore I don’t know what I believe in me and beanie’s delicious braid want to thank today’s sponsor for making this Video possible and that sponsor is honey honey is the free online shopping tool that helps you find promo codes and applies them to your cart to save your money I’ve worked with honey in the past as you may know and those of you who’ve installed honey using my link have collectively saved over $450,000 if you can believe that for those of you who didn’t sign up you’re literally just throwing away money what are you doing it’s free to use and installs in two clicks can you catch that I installed honey just there it was that quick here let me show you again in Case you missed it the first time with everyone working uh from home these days I got to tell you sweatpants are quite the r I’m about to buy a pair from The Gap look at that with honey I just saved $14.38 that I otherwise would honey works with over 30,000 online stor so Make sure you get honey for free at joinhoney.com JonTron that’s joinhoney.com John Tron thanks honey for sponsoring today’s video stay safe Everyone I’m so excited I’m growing trees underground dude psychic vampire repellent psychic vampire or psychic vampire I can see your future also I just happen to be a vampire see guess who made this if you guess famous actress whth palro from such movies as Iron Man and shallow house you’d be Right you have no idea what’s in store for you today bucking sorry didn’t mean to slam that so hard hope the beach rocks they got in here so I’m pretty shocked that I’d never heard about this before because usually I hear about things like this but gwith paltro who I’m sure you know Who that is has essentially been running a snake wether racket with her new age health and wellness company goop goop so what is goop well goop often stylized in lower case as goop in case you needed to know that is an American Natural Health company owned by actress winth cro goop has faced Criticism for marketing products and treatments that have no scientific basis lack efficacy and a recognized by the medical establishment as harmful or as misleading he putting it nicely so I know you’re probably all thinking that’s all well and good John but how did This brilliant woman come up with the name Goof for her multi-million dollar company I quote winth cro herself I was told that all big internet companies had two o’s in their title I mean to be fair she’s got a point Google Yahoo micros Amazon that’s just the kind of quality you can come to expect from The Mastermind behind such prophetic quotes as some days I feel like everyone in my world has themselves into my I’m so tired I am who I am I can’t pretend to be someone who makes $25,000 a Year sometimes Harvey Weinstein will let me use the Miramax Chet if I’m opening a supermarket for him that one didn’t age quite so well okay for real I I just got to read you some of these stra out these are these are amazing there are so many quotes by This lady rather smoke crack that eat cheese from a tin we’re human beings and the Sun is the Sun how could it be bad for you I don’t think there’s anything natur for you I am African now I’m not sure about that one I don’t know if that Che out all right Here it is goop.com she is goop glob what the what is the goop glow this is maybe one of the most exciting days I’ve had in 2019 the good glow my instant glow exfoliator what I love so much is that I see an immediate Improvement in my skin It feels so soft and SM and it looks pretty and growing I was absolutely ugly before this interview I got a little marshmallow exfoliator here wow I’m going palro the most beautiful of the 1% of the most beautiful of the population it’ll work for you too maybe I guess this is the Sh don’t curse wi shut the [ __ ] up don’t curse GL so she sells all sorts of wacky stuff on her site uh especially in the wellness section you know vitamins and supplements aroma therapy Cosmic Health grocery nobody’s grocery list looks like this RI mushroom Elixir mix Skin Food Prebiotic super food honey with caca knock me out just knock me out dude just do it I should mention by the way everything on this website is rediculously overpriced $90 for like a little bag of vitamins I think it comes with like a 30-day Supply but still Expensive for what I would assume to be nothing $68 for your rose quartz crystal straw $27 for Everlasting Love a lot of divorces could have been avoided okay a lot of Home breaking tragedies could have been avoided if more people just visited goop.com that’s where you get Your psychic vampire right what the hell I actually had read the back this vibrational healing through Stones scent and sound salite tyrite tiger ey amethyst love love love you see that ingredi half the time I can’t tell if these products are real supposed to be some kind of collaborate J anyone Else here’s how the game of you have yeah you have toess which one you think actually sold and uh I’m going to tally down your score and you to round one is it mushroom hot cacao mix with peps or sing musroom I think the mushrooms okay round two is it Dr bar STM Women soy Bella automatic nut I’m going to say it’s right surviving death by Les for 8 howy are volume yeah howy are you would you do that you would buy that I want to know how well I found out Mak money okay you want to know how you did yeah okay they’re all Real so okay maybe I’m being a little too harsh here I mean you just say that a lot of compies like this but they also do go into some pretty DRS like they promote these body stickers this is amazing because this website claims that these stickers are Are on like a freaking frequency or something through a proprietary technology frequencies are recorded condensed and stored within the sticker they are actually claiming that through a technology that they have invented guess that they they they essentially imprison frequencies and then smash them down into the sticker and you put it on Yourself and I guess that’s supposed to do something let alone be possible when the sticker is properly applied to your skin it begins okay so in the spirit and name of science that this website clearly promotes uh we’re going to put this in the test all right so it says here the Frequency of my stickers are calibrated to 528 HZ and I just happen to have with me today a tuning fork calibrated to 528 Herz if two objects are tuned to the same frequency and one is struck the other should then in turn vibrate at the same frequency creating the same Pitch I’m in disbelief I’m stunned this is not the result I was expecting s was completely silent okay The Vibes initially are a little bit much to handle but I think I can wrestle with it until I eventually will become a Transcendent being I Feel The Vibes The Vibes the The Vibes it’s feeling pretty good all right let’s look at some of the videos they’ve got here how to give yourself a stomach massage massach you’re going to put it under your belly and you’re just going to rock your hips this is great to really help you freen up that congestion that builds Up in the Deep core what ex can you just give me a breakdown of what congestion is in the Deep core where the Deep core might be located what your credentials are who are you uh any of those would work whenever you’re using your body to Massage your organ don’t fill your SP up all the way just like This okay here’s another one how to relieve neck and shoulder tension with which by the way is $600 so this thing better be good hey I’m Dr Jason I’m here with Alexis our shoulders and net carry a lot of attention I’m going to explain to her how to use this Is this supposed to relieve my tension I’ve got to tell you guys this thing works an absolute Miracle on your favorite cuts of meat so step one you’re going to focus on the Trap area up here bring the arm around this way and you would just take the theun and set it on That area basically you just take this thing just [ __ ] throw at it just get it the [ __ ] on there quicking a [ __ ] [ __ ] and just smash that [ __ ] onto your skeletal tissue and then the top part of that is two different speeds so you’re going to hit that top Point again on your Shoulder kind of in this area right in here don’t worry I’m not going to do I’m not going to hurt you just don’t worry just put it’s I swear I’m a doctor a real certified doctor nothing will happen how do you feel feel so relaxed I Feel like I just went to the spot and that’s great that’s a lie that’s an absolute lie you’re a good Li that’s why I hired you for your the gun go to goop.com oh Jesus dude [ __ ] I’m sorry oh crap my ctif basically I guess they had a popup In London and uh she came around to uh do some PR hello hello we are very much a Lifestyle brand launched in 2008 10 years ago almost to the day out of my kitchen in B Park in London which is just up the road she basically just said I’ve been Working here for like 10 years and I started up the road but just somehow still sounded like the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard in my life this is the first rack G label this is the Anna Fair sweater Anna is one of our fantastic food editors food sorry what You say food editor fantastic food editors what is a food editor is that is that supposed to be a chef I bet she names everything something like that this is not my M this is my dirt organizer who attends the our entrance operator and this is my sweat shop worker I Mean oh no yeah that’s our sweat shop record obviously at goop we’re very into health and wellness and fitness so it’s all really healthy but very delicious so you would like this book you would like this book okay you will so yeah this is our our sexual Smile Makers he’s going to come to my rescue gu I feel like she’s on God bless this woman she’s one of us I think actually Vice news covered gr a while back and uh they went to a wellness Summit which is so creepy man it’s it’s like it’s like a cult thing it’s just Not what I be doing these days the summit feels like you’re living latest there are thoughtfully curated gluten free vegan dishes Wellness panels and of course goop devotees and of course the people who for just about has goop changed your life yeah we both doct the go Wellness is really for Anybody who is looking to have Insight some autonomy around health so it’s not just like you you know squeezing all the money you can out a bunch of stupid impressionable young adults I really don’t know very many people in the audience it’s been really really nice and which is helpful because I wouldn’t Want to do this to anyone let alone uh someone I knew personally it’s not that we’re opposed to Conventional medicine we just are very interested in alternative medicine having autonomy it’s really important I think to to ask the questions I don’t get it she was literally scamming vulnerable people out Of their money and just everyone’s okay with this cuz it’s GTH paltro if any other cult leader or whatever did this they they’d be on blast right away the world is not safe with this woman at large okay but she’s powerful she’s of the elite that’s right this is America The only free country in the world except Denmark and a few others here we settle our scores with capitalism you want to beat someone you got to do it in the arena of the free market look out ptro there’s a new entrepreneur in town ladies and gentlemen Listen to What I merely a humble servant of the public has to say is My Strong conv fiction that every man woman and child has the right to a decent life do they not a life free of struggles and hardship free of a bad complexion free of clogged chakras and free of having to read a Single science textbook our competitor wherever they happen to be located exactly geographically at this moment in time by coincidence believes you should have to pay premium prices for snake oil not so here at Dr Jonathan tron’s medicinal manager they would charge you $240 for a simple hairbrush here not more than nickel for Our finest Cobra coma $90 for some vitamins containing God knows what even you’re not that stupid here all the vitamins you could need right in that snake oil one ingredient crushes snakes got to be vitamins in there somewhere and would you believe it would ladies and gentlemen of this fine country they Would dare to charge you $300 for a vial of simple hyaluronic serum whatever the [ __ ] that is $15 on Amazon I got a lot of festar ratings in fact I’m just going to be honest everything in there in that store that I’m pointing to but not at The same time everything inside that may or may not be inside that store $15 left mustard bath give her a hind those good on hot dogs too oh this just my shopping list hey you ever buy something online and then find out later you could have gotten it for Less that’s A feeling more unpleasant than being taken to the Tower of London and tortured mercilessly for 10 days not to mention once that happens you get the creeping suspicion you can be overpaying every single time you shop well I don’t have that problem and now I’m going to Proceed to tell you why it’s because I’ve got honey the free browser extension that saves you time and money when shopping online honey scans the internet for coupon codes other discounts then like magic it automatically applies the one with the biggest savings to your C at check out It knows about every coupon code sale or discount and over 20,000 sites like Amazon new EG Walmart Best Buy eBay you name it nowhere safe from its savings for instance I saved $22.25 here on this flannel shirt which is now $22.25 I can use to buy other flannel Shirts if I desire it’s free to use and installs new computer in so go get honey for free honey.com JonTron and start saving today once again that’s joinhoney.com all right everyone thanks for watching until next time I’ll just be here practicing my Pros zucchini greeny bendy okay hold on So Sten Cal is trained in an art called iido uh says basically art where you just you just flip a guy you just you just throw a guy basically that’s what it is dude I’d be careful I that’s a dangerous man uh but I’d be remiss if I didn’t Point out the central aspect of iido in which uh that it is a fakey fake not real [ __ ] martial art ironically if you look at it most of the real skill here comes from the people pretending they’re falling so uh that’s probably a good sign of so you thought was An fakey fake [ __ ] not real martial Artart it’s quite easy Soul you know what I’m saying you got started soulat playing HP game came last year Secrets oh yeah I know what you’re talking about that I believe I heard that’s that’s genuinely what I heard I I’m Russian my family are from bloody And I’m a Russian Mongol and I’m Russian my father was a Russian Mongol so these people are Russian Mongols that’s right it’s real that’s Vladimir Putin shaking hands with Steven cigal how does it even happen was Vladimir pu just like like a fan of Under Siege or something I like the thing Vladimir Putin just has no idea who stal is he’s just like okay who’s this again foreign minister to Switzerland Mr pu wants you to know that uh he thought you were the foreign minister to Switzerland uh and he was mistaken but he’s going to go ahead it anyway Congratulations Jesus like you’re at least a little happy to see him Vlad I mean I know I know you’re not in reality nobody would be but at least happy I mean for Christ sake who what’s with the [ __ ] gnarly thumbnail you’re going to go meet the the president of Russia and come Fing C keeper fingers I’m going have to shake that hand there it goes you are great big F man round I thought was strong strong slim man like R potato but believe it or not glad is actually not the only Eastern block president that stal has graced With his presence as seen here when he visited the president of bellaro Alexander lucenko at his official residence in Min because this you can’t make it up make it up okay you go to the White House all right you go to Downing street they’re going to give you cup of coffee and a Cake not so in bellus all right you go to the Minsk Palace all right they’re going to shred you a couple carrots life look at this man how does he look so out of place everywhere he is look at that posture all right that posture Asserts I don’t know where I am I want my mommy I’m lost St go easy with the [ __ ] did lunch how hungry were you he looks absolutely lost he’s like oh it’s time for the Watermelons dri good boy bring Steven the watermelon take that thing out right we Don’t got much of a GDP but check that out that’s some soil we got in my backyard nice oh I keep I keep it I I I GRE trees all right that’s but he’s not only russing okay he apparently had a brief stint as a cop or Something on the New Mexico border uh I don’t know what made him qualified for such a position but somebody apparently thought it a good idea to hire him which is why we are now going to be treated to a video titled and I quote Steven Seagal trains Americans how to stop School Shooters using guns and martial arts good luck stopping a School shooters and martial arts don’t you say stop boy oh oh that hi around America’s War G crime is being fought on manys but now the world’s most powerful country has a new these trees taller somehow the star took time out for of Hollywood to train posy Volunteers in Arizona posy volunteers what do you mean volunteers I thought these were cops wait better question what the [ __ ] is a posy volunteer Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office volunteer posi consists of non-compensated positions made people from all walk who want to assist law Enforcement as a way to give back to their now is school shootings really the proper domain for the volunteer contingent of society shouldn’t the most absolutely highly trained veteran forces be taking on these and shouldn’t Steven SC always have literally nothing to do with it yeah you’re not doctors in as Your cops right now you take the hypocritic go you scrunch it up put it in the trash you’re here to shoot the child but only the child with the weapon when you know that somebody get down on the ground they got to do it if they don’t Make quick every second that goes by you can be losing children I like how Steven you could see him just for over there calculating the Optics of talking about mounds of dead kids for every s the passes we’re going to be losing children that’s good right Jeez the most precious asset we have as a society like run across these tree now to recapture my youth but he’s a dangerous youth don’t get me you boy of 12 with a shotgun unhand your weapon don’t make me do this son of a [ __ ] if they think they Can keep extorting the children of this community with 10-cent price hikes on SpongeBob pops dead dead wrong pretty cool guys actually but not everyone ages it’s the brainchild of controversial Arizona Police Chief Joe Aro very exciting Sheriff I’m going to say it again for those protesters we are here to protect The children that’s the main mission they can say whatever they want that’s potentially danger disree that how long has has Steven Sagal been standing behind me Seagal standing behind me but if that weren’t enough uh he had his own series called Steven Sagal law man I’ve been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people’s radar said skull in Premier episode The Way of the gun okay once a year every officer has to qualify for firearms in order to use their pistol on duty and next week is Alex’s test see how goes right where I want it Yes sir right there now most people don’t know this but when the bullets are in the gun okay watch closely did you see that most people don’t know that I don’t passification I’m afraid Mr skull’s going to hurt me really he’s a scary man he’s an also if I I could use a Turner phrase off his [ __ ] rocker I’m trying to pass out some of the secrets that have made me a Master shooter I don’t want to just help Alex pass this test but I want him to be a better Marksman for life that’s kind of the idea isn’t It come on creeper blow this [ __ ] up I need you to help me out good luck CH not through the bullet hole it’s a veil test nice try oh guess who’s buying beer tonight boy damn damn I guess it’s me I guess I’m buying beer damn that’s Steven s’s Whole racket isn’t it just he just tells someone to do something impossible that would kind of help me out right now I didn’t think I looked at it relax man the Reco the weapon but more to become one with the weapon and let it be their body which is exactly why uh in Case you wondering my look like this okay when they said firearm I did didn’t know they meant it literally yeah no but I do miss after what I saw today he take a knat off a flly ass kind of Zen lesson you’re not doing this anymore you’re doing this see a lot Of this kind of movement right now we’re seeing a bit more oh from the time you started till the time we finished I felt like he L good see I believe that was all right okay so we’ve heard about Steven Sagar the all of those things What about Ste Seagal the man you know the person the human being behind us we always ask but we never ask that [ __ ] right so let’s watch an interview uh with it’s an interview he did with the voice uh yeah come on right welcome to Scot AR worldbody I’m glad You he got me he got distracted and left okay we had him in that chair for like 26 minutes straight Ste thanks for joining me on The Voice versus is an absolute pleasure to meet you how did it come to be IA that was your chosen AR actually I start studying Kar very Cute at a very young age I um don’t hurt yourself dude all we don’t want smoke come out of those years this is your longest interview ever we’re only about 15 seconds oh I actually have to go up to go down lied about my age and got a job washing Dishes at a uh restaurant I think it was called The Wagon whe or something like that and um there was a uh a cook there cuz back then in America you didn’t really have dojos around I was working at this restaurant uh don’t remember the name of It there was a cook there but back then you didn’t really have Dojo Ro UND stay [Laughter] quiet okay back then it wasn’t sanctioned okay it wasn’t exactly taboo you go on the street you say the words Kung Fu all of a sudden one of the cooks There was a guy called s he was a guy and Guy mini Forest yeah this guy was a guy saw that when I was washing the dishes and moving around that that I moved very fast hey that guy back there is he is he a karate master No he’s just a dishwasher no how exactly do you wash a dish in a fashion that will impress a martial arts master we demonstrated C out at this place that they had which was a theme par like a Japanese theme park you know it was like a regular theme park you Know like with roller coasters so it was Japanese you did an iido demonstration and Warner Brothers was blown away and boom Stevenson gal became a movie star is that true and if not I hate to admit it that is true okay you met Bruce Lee tell me about your experiences with Bruce and what was he like and how did you get on with him I I thought Bruce is a really great guy really cool guy and I thought James Cobin was a great guy too and I’m really sorry they’re all gone and when Brandon was killed like that um They called me few minutes after it happened it was in Carolina somewhere they called me in the middle of the night and they said you think it’d be more like you Steven Steven but it was it was we think that he’s dead and but the Guy shot a blank gun at him and how could he be dead Stephen we need to talk to you dude okay we shot like a gun A Blank gun at at Brandon Lee and now he’s like eating from the stomach and dying dude why is he dying what do we do no we Didn’t call the ambulance we’re calling you dude I said you will find a projectile in him you’ll find a bullet in him they said that can’t be you’re crazy uh Stephen what are you going to tell me pigs are flying next okay all we did was shoot a gun at him we’re going To find a bullet why did I even call you instead of the paramedics and I said you will find a bullet in him and they called me in the morning they said you’re amazing and I said why and they said it’s Brandon’s dad it was a bullet you’re [ __ ] you rock Dude go through the whole story on what really happened which most people don’t know but I could go on all day talk tell them about bullets and my friend you don’t want to hear that but do you cuz I I mean I’ll keep going who’s the most legitimate Hollywood tough guy I want Want Iron I haven’t iron forever you mean martial artist or just you could tell just like right out the gate he’s like uh it’s Steven Seagal but like I thought you knew that so like are you asking for me to confirm it Steven Seagal or you really curious cuz it’s Pretty obvious I mean Steven for real if he was on the street and there was a situation you wanted this Hollywood guy by your side because he could defend himself [ __ ] hell look at this guy’s [ __ ] eating Grim Michael White can I laugh in your face can I Laugh in your fa really really really yes BS on chold vanam can I laugh in your face oh my God St such a dick Shu Nars I mean shuck is in his mid-70s he’s probably 76 years old I don’t think anyone with a spray on hair to be going around calling anyone Else geriatric oh that Chuck Norris all right last I seen Wasing a walker so I mean I don’t really want to get into unfilm anyway uh you know who’s tough guy do I think Michael is a tough guy no do I think he’s a martial artist no do I Think Jean Cloud’s a tough guy or martial artist no only one guy left could be the tough guy this guy’s response on the other end it was just are you arm yes right now if I was to look around this room would I find an arm of some sort you’ve brought with you Yes thank you for joining us on the show today and it’s been an absolute pleasure guy very exciting oh God it’s back you know watching another person play video games like going it’s the ghost of late night television there’s no telling how long that thing’s been dead why have you come Here Apparition is it to reclaim your lost relevance to see solo anybody else excited oh away Spectre they gave you the trending tab what more do you want Saturday was Prince Harry and Meg Mar’s wedding looks like I’m going to need to bring in the big guns this time around All right who am I going to call Bill Murray to aloof probably won’t pick up Ernie Hudson I would but I don’t think he’s forgiven me for farting in the pudding in his bit for Harold Ramis definitely not going to pick up and that only leaves Dan akroy no I I I Can’t call Dan I can’t there’s got to be some other Ghostbusters I can call right on second thought Dan will do there’s nothing done here you’ve got to help me hurry up and don’t forget your proton pack what what did you say crystal skull the [ __ ] you talking about Dan vodka repeat Vodka all right time Toc all right ghost I’m going out for a drink with Dan see you when I see you if you’re a video game player who likes to watch and while I’m gone no ectoplasm oh son of a [ __ ] no you don’t need the copper so Dan arroy has apparently Retired from the comedy world to bring you none other than you guessed it vodka Crystal head vodka to be specific you may have actually seen this stuff at the lior store before and just not have known it came from the Blues Brother turned distiller acoid that’s a weird name nothing to do With anything I just thought I’d mention actually this vodka has been out for quite decade it’s it’s been going since 200 this is the real stuff cleaned up this area the crystal head bottle was designed with a pure spirit in mind Dan and John Alexander wanted to craft a Vessel worthy of one of the world’s purest vodkas a symbol of Life reflecting power and Enlightenment vodka’s been a path to Enlightenment I’ve clearly been drinking the wrong vodka Crystal head contains no additives glycerol Citrus oils or sugars thank God nothing is added to enhance or Mask The Taste guys I don’t know if you’ve been around vodka much but I’m not sure there’s much you can do to mask the taste of it all right the flavor is somewhere between antiseptic and poison Crystal head vodka would like to geolocate you do you consent listen when You ask like that no absolutely not no I do not listen most websites just ask you if they can know your location which creepy as it is it’s nowhere near as creepy as that it doesn’t imply that an Area 51 space vessel is going to be sent To my location if I push yes but anyways uh this vodka is very special mainly because uh Dan Aid is 100% but [ __ ] inane no please no where’s my exit oh who who I’m Dan akroy since childhood I have been fascinated with the invisible world a world which can help us get through Life if we know I don’t know where the exit is a world serving you use your own personal and spiritual abilities to believe and subsequently make true the things that you want to happen for yourself also healing Miracles the Pres of spirits and beings once living now gone into another Life but who continue to intrude into our waking consciousness which support the premise that ghosts UFOs and their occupants plus otherworldly sh this thing is heat seeking what bring in a 15 KOB jpeg clearly fake G from Google images for your National reveal trailer that’s use I’m just honestly fun there are plenty Of photographic and audio materials both conventional and digital and also some Trace physical evidence yes indeed plenty of evidence as you can see we’re using exhibit proof right here on the screen all of the foring are actual elements in our existence over half of the world believes in such phenomena uh Yeah I’m going to need some citation there maybe a couple peer reviewed studies you can throw my it is a process to get up there oh my gosh I don’t even think three of people watching you put up in this phenomena Dan by for instance haunting people Places they indicate a supr form of reality as valid how’s our normal reality W hold on though on second thought that one is pretty compelling let me enhance the image nope Okay wow the supernatural’s real after all we’ve had nothing to touch I don’t now this is an accurate glass rendering of a human skull the first question that comes to mind that I want to ask is why designed by myed American Forst and Landscape painter that’s sick know why and why It’s accurate and also why that matters it has been constructed to our demanding specifications after more than two years in development demanding specifications it’s a [ __ ] glass skull I’m pretty sure you can get these at Walmart on Halloween you Charleton deare call this a skull my specifications were demanding I tell you Demanding I don’t recall asking for Sloth from The Goonies we’re sorry Mr arroy but that’s what your n skull looks like silence according to bruny no one has ever attempted to make a bottle of such quality and complexity as I hold in my hand the obvious question is why did we do This yes Dan indeed you’ve done it that is the question of the hour John and I have always been Avid researchers on the subject of the legendary 13 crystal heads which have been Unearthed at numerous locations and at various hell yeah of course I should have known he’s Making this because he wanted to make something based off the crystal skulls now I’m pretty sure most of you know what the crystal skulls are they were in the Indiana Jones movie after all but in case you don’t the crystal skulls are human skull hard Stone carvings made of Clear or milky white quartz claim to be pre-colombian Mesoamerican artifacts by their alleged finders and uh so you know that can only mean one thing aliens Al there are now seven heads known to be in Mankind’s custody places varying from the ucatan peninsula in Central America the British museum piece And one currently owned by a woman in the southwest who claims that she had to finally put it in a closet after he or she began speaking to yes of course British museum Mar’s Texas currently resides between the unwashed from last Christmas just so everyone knowsy we deal with a man who About everything that probably exists alens easm gnomes you could have just out a little fuing superal slot machine did this man actually believe he was fighting doent this game is so good did you know that equist these heads should not exist but should have shed in the cour of indeed The Navajo believe they you bring the nav into this I guarantee you whatever they believe hopefully AC will lead to a less violent and more harmonious World As We res acal reality very high now what to put in a b Laden with symbology 4 minutes and 56 seconds That’s 4 minutes and 56 seconds this man took to say the word Vodka commercial about vodka to tell you how we did achieve this I’m going to turn you over now my friend power of the land liquor Corporation where we are manufacturing Crystal headb listen I do not know this Man I do not represent his vodka all I know is one day he burs in here like vodka I just I just did it to show you if you know a way I can get out of this contact my son Thomas at his website he knows a Lot more about computers than me I really need a way out of this we chose Newland because of the purity of their land and their water Newland is known in Canada as The Rock for good reason oh yeah you got a point it like Dwayne Johnson so far east it’s in its own time zone it’s located off the coast of Canada about a th miles east of New York therefore it is far away from most forms of hey what the hell you trying to say about my city man New York is a beautiful culturally Rich Metropolis you Just have to have IDE you know what I think I’ll go for a legely stroll is this my home it’s I love it this is so long to air so long to air what is this Urban bird feeder two guys from mcraft Pock did not see that I know what beauty looks like What is this hello how do I get home uhoh that’s not that’s not good dude can I swing of that from my lung all right it’s all right get the [ __ ] away from me you stupid hster I get it in order to make head use the purest alcohol Avil it’s not double distilled It’s not triple it’s quadruple crazy you think the world’s ready for this we just got used to PO Punk just when we thought we could not make crystal head any more pure Dan came up with a suggestion he proposed fing it through diamonds I turn I said D what The actual did you just say get out of my site get out of my sight we triple filter the Vodka through 500 million diamonds diamonds filter they diamonds I I swear I’ve seen this store and it was like 50 bucks let me check yeah it’s uh it’s only like $49.99 $42.99 what do you mean they buil this through diamonds all right come on I’m going for that absolute Diamonds the most valuable thing you can think of I got one for your okay Dan did you remind me what’s your that worth again oh yeah it’s $135 million just Filter it through you man you’re worth more than your weight in diamonds literally and I’ll prove that so your average person weighs about 62 kg Dan with your average person he weighs a nice and healthy 113 kg now diamonds are made of pure carbon and we know that the Human body by composition is about 18.5% carbon there are 1000 G per K and there are 5 carats in a gram so run the numbers and Danny Boy coming out to a whopping 10452 Kats now if you search the going rates for diamonds you’ll find that a fourth karat diamond goes at cheapest For about2 $75 but we are of course dealing in carrots here so we’ve got to multiply that by four and we get 48,1 oh [ __ ] where’d he come fromp by going r275 get him out and then get back in, 9775 damn you’re it for real as you can see it’s much bigger Process be that hard either I’m telling you you again did you escape don’t worry it’s easy show you you just got to find the oh there she is beautiful I still don’t have emeralds you don’t lift a finger you just sit tight and relax can I rob you Wor about the handcuffs they not part of it no I’m bullshitting you handcuffs are absolutely part of it bye-bye impurities yeah I don’t know where I’m going uh oh I’m dead again right in the same [ __ ] spot in order to make crystal head vodka we take this water 500 milliony old Crystals known as perer diamonds so wait a minute they use some 5 milliony old diamond called a perer diamond I got to go back there per diamonds are not actually diamonds that are double terminated quartz crystals sure you’re all familiar with that my quartz is single terminated I’m out of here Bucko prepare to double terminated no one can explain why but people who have tasted the vodka have noticed a difference no one can explain why huh no can explain why it’s just better can anyone here explain anything we are confident that people will enjoy Crystal head triple Herkimer diamond Filtered Newland deep aquafer pure Spirit vodka womo combo perfect as a lone shot whether you wish to explore and discuss the mystical implications of your life on this amazing plane of existence or not the truth is that this is a luxury vodka in a bottle you do all that you said all that Nonsense recited allly and in 2 seconds before the thing ends you describe it as a bottle to sell some so at some point went all over National Television trying to I want you and you know getting invited on oh the camera can’t see Ghostbuster little do they know they’re Going to have a couple laps with a con head Dan you’re a smart dude how do you get so smart I surround myself people more than I am these things the bottle told us what to put in Bottle speaks of the products have glyceride right it’s a Cousin to glycol glycol is a cousin of glyceride and glycol is antifreeze gcol and raw sugar we took them out of the market great sales now the tough thing about selling this is little pricey this is what about 50 bucks a bottle is that right where she go soon for Mr Acro the New business vodka in his Crystal head vodka brand from laughs to liquor that’s what they’re going to go with that’s not that has no additives this is the exact moment the host starts to realize oh dear I I I think I might be in for something many lesser vodkas add glycol which is Antifreeze they add C costic bug exterminate and they also add sugar they got all sorts of chemicals bug poison and sugar nobody asked you if there was glycol or Citrus soil that’s what people are getting worried when you bringing it up uh when you open a lot of lesser Vodkas if you open them up they smell like Chanel Number Five you you open them up than and all smells like I’ve never opened a VOD I thought it smells like Chanel Number Five what the [ __ ] is Chanel Number Five is it a perfume I’ve never thought that a [ __ ] vodka Smell like a what kind of vodka are you drinking D it’s not exactly original many celebrities have launched alcohol brand some of your colleagues here I’m sure okay I didn’t talk to that those are real these are real vodkas by celebrities farell has cream vodka based cream liquor looks like an onion Willie Nelson’s got old Whiskey River and of course Dan Deo with the lonell who could forget who could remember I probably passed it up on the aisle thinking it was freaking juice I mean that’s the best thing Danny deito can come up with lemon cello I mean straight up if Danny Deito made a liquor with his head as the bottle I’m there every time every time I won’t drink anything else Danny [ __ ] make it all right now this one he goes on Larry King it’s pretty amazing and our feature in featured in is Dan arroy All right tell me about uh the head now who came up with his skull the bottle now what the hell is this my daughter tried to explain it to me I still don’t get it this you like this is clean vodka this has no glycol a lot of Lu okay the look in Larry King’s eye that is a real captured on camera double tap from Larry King soon as soon as Dan brings up the glycol he’s like trying to escape gly should it not have had gly what’s glycol vodkas have antifreeze glycol in and they put him in there for Smoothness see he waited he waited it was like he waited for Dan to go first he’s a smart man that Larry King now I know why he survived for so long very nice start of the ruination I’m I’m dying I’m dying D You’ killed me it’s over there’s definitely stuff to explore There feel my bones melting so we have just won in Moscow we won the double gold medal for Taste over 400 other vodkas for oh [ __ ] what do they know SPN nuclear armaments if we were entering a new contest that scared the [ __ ] out of me in R I didn’t Die now I’ve got to go protect were just being polite cheers thank you oh going for round two that I respect all right lyri daring going where no TV host has dared to go before I think at the end of the day is just happy he can get out of There without telling Dan a his body could tastes like [ __ ] but it actually is pretty good ohy oh my God seen it before how could I have been so careless and stupid now that I’m looking at it in this light I think I’m beginning to See how did that even La London oh my God there’s crystal skulls everywhere how so there’s none in Moscow though where you said come for me [ __ ] oh well they’re Russian who cares and the conspiracy deepens I can’t find a single Crystal Skull in all of South America Right that did like nothing you know like where the whole thing’s supposed to be from in the first place good blimy there it is the hidden Crystal Skull in all of South America located within a 100 km radius of Rio De Janeiro I finally found it is it true that you Possess the Crystal Skull ofka thank you all so much for watching this video and I hope it helps bring out the Crystal Skull that I know is deep down inside each and every one also I just want to give a huge shout out to the amazing people over at honey for Sponsoring this video and helping to make it a possibility if you don’t know what honey is it’s a free browser extension that automatically finds the best promo codes from around the internet and makes sure you get the best possible price whenever you shop online it really is that simple it only takes Two clicks to get like so you go to my super special magical link join honey.com JonTron super special awesome link just click add honey click add again to add the extension to your browser and you’re done you got it here’s some footage of me using it for actual real uh this is True Christmas time Christmas time hello got it in the honey pops up in the corner I got so I click it andam there it goes Off to the Races like literal magic it automatically applies all the codes from around the web till it’s found me the best possible price I can Get it saved me 8245 on this transaction it really works there’s literally no good reason not to add honey to your browser today so you want to online grab Hy join honey.com joinhoney.com I’m so many excited we got an awesome new collection at the latest johon fashion over at represent.com so either Click that link right there on the screen or the one in the description to check them out maybe even buy them you’re crazy enough to be that cool ain’t that right FY good start some hey guys now that you’re done stuffing yourselves with Thanksgiving leftovers well I already filled the floor dir all Right whatever I can still do more later well I killed an Ender cool I got some things down here now don’t I I do have a thanks all right soon I will turn off the stream but for now I will [Applause] go axe I need an axe in here [Applause] h [Applause] I think it’s cool if you leave the the vine it grows back [Applause] Wheat seeds melon what for for I want sand VI hi proxy hi lemon Hi V victory notification how are you doing I’ve been out here for a while have I doing this 5 and a half hours almost it’s okay I’m just out here getting some sand see monster for [Applause] Clay ball I’m getting balls of clay I don’t want clay wonder what this guy’s guarding well he give me if we kill him [Applause] this fucker’s coming for me holy [ __ ] he came for me [ __ ] God damn it that [ __ ] I’m going to murder him somehow where’s all my [ __ ] oh he’s still over here oh is there another one [ __ ] I had a baby angry I am victoro f [ __ ] not helping me right now yes it’s both dead they are both the Dead [Applause] die [ __ ] oh no not you I don’t want you I what what you’re hiding from me stupid [ __ ] swam away from you didn’t I oh it’s the baby [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] I stuck around to [ __ ] around and find out didn’t I Fu that thing mission complete for where’s the gunpowder where’s all the gunpowder going I’ve got sand but no gunpowder what happened to the gunpowder what the [ __ ] I lose the gunpowder somewhere apparently I’m upset where’ my gun pwder go oh they escaped what the [ __ ] how did they escape how this [ __ ] things Escape damn where’ all my gunpowder go I can check in the basement oh it’s in here silly Dingus tricker for Me man it’s going to be so upset hey I can build it since excited I’m excited how many can I make only one okay it took everything I had gam is great and now it is time for me to go all right here I Go I go Pizza what are you going to do with it I don’t know I just made it it was a goal I wanted to make trees underground which I did and I want to M dite I did all right cool I am the going outside now okay bye thank you for Watching see you later Video Information
This video, titled ‘good morning, minecraft time’, was uploaded by PR0XY L1NK ch. (hyperblocked) on 2023-11-25 22:39:48. It has garnered 60 views and 7 likes. The duration of the video is 05:38:41 or 20321 seconds.
i need to write the script for my brain damage episode. maybe later
