Emotional Minecraft Gameplay: My Raw Feelings

Before any of you say anything yeah yes I did start a new world because I [ __ ] died in the other one and I did not feel it necessary to continue that one considering how far I didn’t get so we’re starting over but I I promise we’re going to stick with this

One since my last video uh things in my life have been going uh I mean they they weren’t ever going bad but they’re certainly going um at least just a little better [ __ ] than my last video um I sent in my application for the exchange student program and I am anxiously waiting to

Hear back from them I went to Seattle yesterday and I went to the Hokusai Art Exhibit uh that was one of the coolest [ __ ] places I’ve ever been in my entire life if you live in the Seattle area and can afford to do something like

Go to an art exhibit I would super duper recommend it there was tons of cool [ __ ] there as far as I’m aware all of the works on display there are the like original paintings done by these like 300-year-old Japanese artists hus eye is the guy that made the Great Wave and

It’s it’s not all about him it’s about some of his uh students too but it’s really really cool and I saw a lot of really nice artwork there including the first ever tentacle hentai ever created in history and that was probably the high point of the day uh of course other

Than the man who immediately after I got out of the ferry terminal with my group came stumbling down the street towards us going welcome to Seattle [ __ ] you dumb ugly [ __ ] I [ __ ] hate you [ __ ] you that was pretty cool I like that guy I liked his Vibe it was a good Vibe I finished my first ever quarter of college which uh feels very surreal to say um but I’m not quite out of the loop yet or out of trouble yet I have another week and a couple days or so before winter break for my high school classes

Start I’m in dual enrollment so uh I have a bit before I can really kind of sit down and start working on stuff but but over my extended winter break I plan on getting a lot of stuff done the making sense of violence video will probably the making sense of violence

Video will probably be out um before Christmas which is cool I can’t think of a more appropriate video for Christmas but for now I’m just I’m taking it easy I I took a day off of high school today to just kind of sit back and relax cuz I haven’t really had

A two-day weekend in a long time and now I’m here talking to you guys before I say anything else uh I really want to say thank you to the people who supported me in my last video uh I was not having too great of a time when that came out

And it it really helped me process making that video really helped me process a lot of the stuff going through my head um and the support from you guys was way way way way more than I ever thought that it was going to be um so

Thank you I I really really I really appreciate that from the bottom of my heart you guys are all so sweet to me I appreciate all the the kind words that you guys gave on the subject of the last video though I I turned it in for my uh

My podcasting class and they loved it they they liked it way way more than I thought they would um and they were they were definitely a little caught off guard by the fact that it was a completely different format than I had been working on all quarter uh but they

Were really really nice and helpful to me and my podcasting teacher said that he really really liked it and enjoyed the way that I handled it um and I got a really good grade on that so I’m very I’m very very happy about that at the moment

I don’t know how things will go once I once I hear back from the exchange student program if I do get accepted I hope that there isn’t like an interview process of any kind although there probably is um because I’m going to be incredibly nervous for that I don’t

Really I don’t really know how to okay that’s not true I do I do know my way around an interview it’s that it’s the fact that I don’t know how to I don’t know how to talk to whoever I’m being interviewed by without sounding like a wee I am going to Japan

That’s that’s the goal I really really want to go to Japan um what as a lot of my friends know I don’t really watch a whole lot of anime um I mostly just play Japanese video games and do Japanese martial arts and so I’m I’m a little scared that

You know people in that room while I’m being interviewed will think like oh this guy this guy’s just a weeb cuz I’m sure I am sure they get so many [ __ ] weebs coming in and being like can you send me to the nian please I would like

To visit my anime waifu Asuka in real life cuz that [ __ ] is rampant in this world um but at the end of the day you know when push comes to shove I think my best bet is to just be honest with them and just tell them you know

Why I want to go to Japan and what my goal is while I’m there which in all I’m I’m starting to realize my goal is pretty much just learn more about myself and other people by being in another place for an extended period of time whether or not that’s a good idea is

Still hotly debated in the space that is my brain um but you know we’re starting to me and the many little tiny voices are starting to reach a conclusion as far as YouTube goes I have upgraded my setup as you can probably tell after after the last video and what

Was kind of what was a what was a slightly painful editing process uh I finally bit the [ __ ] bullet and got a Blue Yeti um and it sounds great I don’t I it sounds pretty good right now and I don’t I don’t even have it set up for

Like narrative recording at the moment um but I tested that setup out and oh boy does that it sounds so [ __ ] good I I never thought I’d have a microphone that sounds that good without paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in software and computer hardware and microphone stands

And all sorts of that crazy [ __ ] hey guys this is editing Ken here I just figured I’d show you the uh the quality on the on the narration setup for the microphone in case you don’t know what this is this is the uh chaotica eyeball it’s

Basically just a big foam ball with a a pop filter on the front that goes around your microphone and it sounds really good like it sounds great uh 10 out of 10 would recommend if you’re looking to get into YouTube narration but uh yeah this [ __ ] sounds

Sick I love this back to the video but I do and it’s really really nice um and I got it for cheap I think it’s I think the Blue Yeti is on sale on Amazon right now for a pretty decent chunk off so if any of you are trying to

Be content creators I would honestly I would skip over the cheap mic and I would just go I would just go straight for the Blue Yeti cuz it’s it’s really really nice I still don’t know um what my content would look like if I went to

Japan I know for a I know for a [ __ ] fact I will continue to make [ __ ] it’s just a matter of what I’m able to make while I’m there as far as um content I’ve definitely I’ve been leaning towards kind of a daily or weekly Vlog setup type deal

Uh just because you know [ __ ] that’s that’s the easiest kind of content to make when you’re abroad like that all I’ll need is a decent quality video camera and uh I already have the microphone for any Nar narration segments so that shouldn’t be too hard

Um I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself if I if I became a BL if I be a [ __ ] vlogging Channel um but sometimes there are sacrifices that you you you just you can’t avoid and you have to end up making and I feel like

This is probably one of those times where like all right I’ll bite the bullet I’ll do this thing that I said I would probably never do and I’m just yeah I’m just going to do it might as well [ __ ] I don’t know I’m I’m not going

To be any less lost or confused when I get there so just trying out new [ __ ] might as well might as well be my new deal there was a lot of people that commented on my last video um with a lot of their issues uh that are that are that are

Either the same or similar IL to mine um and to those people if you’re watching the this video now you know who you are uh I have I have definitely read and responded to your comments um and I’m thinking of you and I’m really hoping that you follow you you you follow your

Hearts and you do what you think will make you happy um and that if you do that things will end up getting better for you for now at least Minecraft is going to be my kind of uh default game to play while I make these videos um the next one is definitely

Going to be something else probably Monster Hunter um cuz I know that that’s something that I’ll be a I have a I have a lot to say about Monster Hunter but for now you’re just gonna have to put up with Minecraft uh I know that I know

That it was probably one of the better choices I could have gone with just YouTube algorithm wise because the the [ __ ] second I put Minecraft in a thumbnail that [ __ ] went actually Bonkers wild um I think the last video is now the second most viewed video on

My channel the first one being the um Nikki video which I made uh a little over little under a year ago now which is still crazy me cuz every time I I look at that video and I see that it has however many thousands of views and then

I watch it myself again I’m like [ __ ] this is ass why would any why would anybody watch this or like this um but as my friend Timber pointed out I I I I very much tapped into an audience with that video that rarely sees content content produced on them

And so any any video made on y Nikki is like basically destined from the start to get a decent amount of attention from that Community because it’s just what once every three months somebody makes a [ __ ] you may Nikki video or something and so it’s it’s it’s just guaranteed to

Go at least a little a little wild in that regard I definitely think my biggest regret uh so far in making content is that I took so long to produce another video after the um Nikki one um and so I kind of lost a lot of the traction that

I had gained from that uh the one after that I think is the making sense of conception video that video um is is is one of my favorites that I’ve made and I’m glad that other people seem to like it because that script literally killed me to write

Uh condensing condensing any video game down to just under three pages worth of script is a pretty Monumental task but condensing [ __ ] bloodborne down to just under three pages of script is a Herculean task that I am not willing to undergo ever again uh any videos I make

About from software titles from now on are going to be their own thing and I’m not just going to make them a smaller segment and a larger video ever again that was such a that was such a [ __ ] bad idea on my part I think I rewrote the bloodborne part of that

Video at least five or six times before I settled on the on the final product which is crazy because I’ve I’ve never done that many script rewrites for any anything ever uh normally I have to do Max maybe one or two rephrasing of a couple

Sentences for a script or a just like I don’t know change something around or add a little bit more to a segment that feels a little underdeveloped but the the [ __ ] the bloodborne part man that was like five rewrites and it’s all it’s all just because condensing that lore

About queen yarum and the old ones and the kind of overarching story of bloodborne down into a kind of manageable chunk is it’s it it’s so hard to do I I I don’t think I don’t think most people would be able to do that while providing the kind of retrospective I did

Um let alone somebody like me who at the time was very not used to writing scripts for videos but that definitely that brings me to my next point that I wanted to talk about in this one which is I don’t think in the future I’m going to be

Doing fully scripted videos like that anymore um instead I’m going to be doing more casual video essays where I do kind of what I’m doing now but I’ll have it be a lot more scripted and I’ll have it be a lot more planned out um sort of how

Uh I think wendon does something similar I don’t think he actually I don’t think he fully writes down his scripts I think he just has kind of bullet points off to the side um [ __ ] I don’t like that noise o that’s why I don’t like that noise I don’t want

To run into skelet right now oh ow ow my [ __ ] ass but in terms of future video essays I definitely have a couple I I definitely have a couple ideas um I for sure want to do one on Monster Hunter at some point not necessarily

About oh like the game play or um the story cuz there is there isn’t really a story to a lot of the monster hunter games it’s kind of a most of them are kind of almost Standalone functions um but one thing that monster hunter does really really well is make

People feel a certain way and produce a world that really ignites a lot of this feeling of Discovery in people um that’s very very hard to find in other in in other games it’s you you don’t really you don’t really get that sense of wonder and amazement from any game other than

Monster Hunter at least I don’t and so I I want to make a video on the ways in which Monster Hunter creates those feelings within its players um and how works and why it works and how other people doing World building or making a a fantasy setting can produce something of quality using

Similar tactics to Monster Hunter because I really think it is just this peak of game design and World design um that hasn’t really been imitated since uh for anybody wondering any Monster Hunter fans watching this video yes I saw the trailer for the new game um coming out

In 2025 which 20125 is going to be a [ __ ] Bonkers year for game development um and gaming just as a whole but I’m very I’m very very excited if if you’re only complaint about something is that you’re sad you have to wait a long time to get it then it’s probably

Not going to be bad I I really I really think that monster hunter Wilds is going to be the best game in the series ever just because it from from what we’ve seen of it from the very very limited trailer that we got it kind of throws aside a lot of the

Limitations that were holding the Monster Hunter series back before because monster monster hunter has always been very very good with its design and manner of oh jeez in manner of World building um but it’s primary its primary hindrance the thorn in its side it’s Achilles heel has been Tech

Tech technical limitations and what do I mean by that well te what I mean by technical limitations is that monster hunter is a game revolved around highly complex ecosystems and uh cultures and animals and environments that require a lot of computing power to propagate and so back when the series started and

2003 that they did not have the technology to recreate that [ __ ] Faithfully it just it just did not exist um most game consoles at the time would probably [ __ ] actually catch fire and explode if you tried to play anything from the past 10 years on them let alone

Something from 2 years in the future from now where our computing power is even [ __ ] crazier than it is at the time of recording this video and so they’ve always found ways of kind of coping with it um in the past the biggest method of coping with it has been having really really

Strong character designs and lore for all of the monsters kind of Hidden Away um as well as forcing players to do a lot of preparation for their hunts to kind of get them psyched up up and in the mood and kind of in the zone come

Time for the main gay game gay playay Loop gameplay Loop to happen and I’ve noticed that as as time has gone on especially with this last generation of monster hunter games uh that preparation aspect is much less needed to create a sense of immersion cuz you look at

Monster Hunter on the PS2 that [ __ ] looks like it was drawn on an actual potato in like some poor Irish orphanage somewhere um and then you look at Monster Hunter world and it’s holy [ __ ] dude like talk about the biggest glow up of all time for a game series seriously

Uh the only other thing I can think of is like [ __ ] Mario I don’t I don’t know and so as time has gone on and the the computing power has of of the average gamer has gotten higher they’ve been able to kind of put aside a lot of those smaller more classical game

Stuffff motifs and they’ve been able to put them away and bring um other aspects of immersion way way closer to the Forefront like Monster Hunter World everywhere you go there are there are these there are little animals skittering around on the ground there are oh [ __ ] I heard that oh God get away

From me um there’s little animals skittering around on the ground there’s oh [ __ ] I’m I’m so I am I am so [ __ ] I can tell already there are little animals skittering around on the ground there’s tons of [ __ ] going on everywhere the plants move and breathe and do all sorts

Of crazy [ __ ] monsters have behaviors and they leave tracks that you follow and um your your means and moving around the environment just you know where where it used to be you just kind of you know you’re on a you’re on a a 2d plane that

You walk on and you press [ __ ] square for heavy attack or Square for light attack and uh no how does Monster Hunter how does Monster Hunter go where you press where it used to be that you press triangle or Circle or whatever for an attack and the attack happens and then

You dodge and you move around it’s very quickly evolved into something a lot more indepth with clim and movement and different ways of traversing your environment and outsmarting and kind of out out gaming your opponent uh which gives you knowing knowing your way around your environment

In the newer monster hunter games is I would argue probably the biggest advantage that you can have in any situation you know uh a monster might catch you off guard or or it might be something new that you’ve never fought before but if you know if you know that you can sling a

Rock up towards the ceiling and it’ll knock us to lag tight down and Jesus and make the monster fall over so that you you know you have a a window of of Escape then you are automatically put at an advantage against that monster so yeah in case my rant from the kind of

Middle of the last video wasn’t indicative enough I really love Monster Hunter but something that I have been made aware of is that the people in the comments of my videos are really really good at telling me about games holy [ __ ] did this place get [ __ ] drone stried what happened Jesus Christ the

People in my comments are really really good at recommending deep interesting games to talk about um in a video SAA format uh I first heard about milk inside a bag of milk from a commenter on one of my videos uh another of them talked about a game called the Indigo parallel uh which

I fully plan on buying and playing soon just because it looks so like I don’t know this this looks like something I should be making a video about if I haven’t already but I’m always looking in the comments for new ideas for stuff so if any of you just

Some Niche game that you you know don’t really see talked about ever that you’ve played and you enjoy or you’ve heard of just just [ __ ] throw it out there please I’m begging you there’s there’s not there’s not a more difficult part of creating content than actually finding

Stuff to make content about so I really appreciate any of the help that I can get in that dimension as far as this series goes however um I’m definitely going to be I’m going to I’m going to try my my [ __ ] hardest to get one of these

Videos out every week if I’m not already working on another video at the same time I typically sit down and kind of get stuff done all at once instead of kind of spacing it out which probably does not do wonders for my um creative burnout issue uh but that is

Never that that’s not going to stop me if I’m being totally honest with you and myself here so next week you probably won’t get one of these videos from me uh instead hopefully cross cross my fingers you’ll be getting the make of making sense of violence video uh remade and

Remastered re-recorded for a a a a grand a grand YouTube Premiere um and I hope you guys honestly I don’t I actually don’t think I give too much of a [ __ ] if people really watch that whoa a shipwreck right next to a Goddamn ruined portal holy [ __ ] this SE this seat is

[ __ ] crazy I honestly don’t give a [ __ ] if people watch the making sense of violence one um I just feel this really strong need to get it done because if I don’t I know it’s going to haunt me forever so I just I just like I I I I

Should just I’m just going to get it over with and uh get that video out and even if it’s subpar or whatever um I’m sure I’ll be able to do something with it I’ll probably spend a lot of Tomorrow piecing together a final draft of the script and hoping that it it it

Comes out okay but you guys just [ __ ] sit tight and you’ll probably get something soon if any of you guys watching this video have a foreign exchange experience uh does doesn’t really matter where just I I would really I’d love to hear about it um everyone’s experience is different

And unique and a lot of people have gone to a lot of different places I have a I have a friend who is trying to go to Africa for a year in uh year year of college and holy [ __ ] if if if you thought Japan was a different place to

America try Africa that’s a that’s a whole new is that a [ __ ] Ocean Temple down there it is godamn I have to hold on I’m I need to write these coordinates down Jesus H never mind I’m not going to remember that oh well what if I F3 F2 Snake are you okay snake snake don’t [ __ ] scare me like that dude God damn anyways sorry that really scared the hell out of me um yeah I want to hear your guys’s experiences let me know how it went how it how it if you’re in

The middle of it right now if you have tips tricks things I should bring with me [ __ ] I I don’t know I I I can’t just trust the raw internet tutorials you know top 10 things you should bring for a long stay in a foreign country like

That that that’s bound to give me some sort of misinformation um and I think that firstand experiences are the best thing that I can get right now in terms of preparing me for what’s to come uh I need to find a place with a pretty good

Village and I need to start building a house I don’t remember what the exact statistic is is but there’s it’s some crazy there’s some crazy increase between the likelihood of like the length of days in Minecraft Gone without dying and building a house like if you if you aren’t building a

House and you’re kind of just running around looking for a place to build a house you’re a lot more likely to die um but if you do actually build a house and have some sort of protection for yourself uh oh hey there’s the cave I was talking about if you do

Actually build a house for yourself you’re a lot less likely to die because you’re kind of sticking around this one general area a lot of the time and on top of being a lot less likely to die God damn that is really pretty generation I don’t even care if there is

A village near here I I just I have to build my [ __ ] I have to build my house here um even if you do die you’re a lot closer to where you died so the the CH the just the chances okay there isn’t all right I’m sorry I promise I’ll stick with the

Explanation oh [ __ ] whoever the [ __ ] invented Minecraft shaders is getting into heaven for real like I mean that like oh my God I I jesus okay [ __ ] can there please just be a village somewhere like I since the [ __ ] first world that I did I haven’t run into a single one this entire

Time I swear to God it’s the [ __ ] it’s the it’s an actual like desire sensor the second you’re you decide to look for the thing that normally you do not want to look for that [ __ ] just goes away holy [ __ ] is that Village oh my God [ __ ] finally [ __ ] finally Jesus

Christ oh my God I’m going to [ __ ] oh my God okay okay okay okay okay okay okay let’s see what’s up let’s see what’s up m M I’m not so sure your house is up to code dude this this looks a little bit dangerous [Applause] M I [ __ ] that up I don’t know how I did that well I think this is about as good as it’s going to get for the remainder of the episode I’m not quite sure what I thought I was doing with this but it ended up pretty good I’m I’m

Actually I’m actually pretty happy with the final product huh yeah yeah I’m happy with this the weird thing about playing Minecraft is that somehow it is simultaneously always changing and yet staying the same no matter what happens to it and I know that that sounds like some

Crazy New Age [ __ ] but like hear me out on this right you have this game that is I think the most successful game of all time and if if not that I think in the top 10 at the very least that everyone that I know has either heard of or played themselves and

It’s this unanimous cultural piece of cultural history and literacy that we’ve all dealt with for over a decade now and it changes all the time you know we like to joke about it but Minecraft things about this game change relatively frequently and at the same time whenever you log on to Minecraft it’s

This just pure nostalgic feeling of ah we’re here this all feels so familiar and that’s coming from somebody I hear a lot of people complain of like oh this doesn’t really you know this isn’t what Minecraft used to be I’ve been this [ __ ] since the the beta days since it

Looked since the days when this game looked like a [ __ ] actual kindergarteners drawing [ __ ] smear on a [ __ ] piece of construction paper in a classroom somewhere and somehow even though side by side this game and that game that existed over a decade ago are so different it all feels really

Similar I think it takes a lot to really create something that matches that description of course that does you know run with the risk of the kind of gentle Nostalgia that this game offers being corrupted rather easily um there’s a lot of moments in these games where you’re

Playing them and it’s late at night and you’re kind of alone and you just you hear something or more even even scarier than that you don’t hear anything and you look around and even though this is a virtual space with virtual monsters you always kind of feel

Safe but sometimes you just stop and look around and like am I really alone right now like am I am I am I actually alone right now because something about this game has the ability to just paranoid the [ __ ] out of me and I don’t know why that is

Um but as somebody who has I’ve been consuming hor media since I was probably way too young to be doing so in a way in a in a weird kind of Twisted way that sense of fear that a lot of people feel when they’re playing Minecraft sometimes

Is very oddly comforting to me um and I know I’m not alone in that regard I know a lot of people view the kind of somber liminality of Minecraft as a a a comfort that they can rely on and that you know it’s it’s it’s something that people really think about when they

Think about Minecraft and that’s just so beautiful I can’t I cannot begin to explain the beauty of Lial spaces sure that sure they’ve like taken over the internet as a as a trend like you know [ __ ] cane pixels back rooms [ __ ] all these other Lial things analog horror JMA sus

Space But like I don’t know I feel like it’s important that we all collectively stop for a moment every now and again and just acknowledge like man this aesthetic whatever it is whatever people call it at whatever time in which it exist is one of the most powerful things that

The human mind can possibly deal with there there it’s it’s this strong just absolutely Primal feeling that everyone everyone has to a certain degree or another and that’s so weird because reality is so reality is so subjective people people experience the world in a million different ways depending on who they are

And their brain chemistry and a million billion other factors but everybody that I’ve met at least is capable of feeling this strange I don’t know absence of time and nature and all real logic that we understand this world to abide by and it manifests in the form of these

Lial spaces and sometimes we we choose to actively be afraid of them like the back rooms you know the people point to the back rooms as a a a primary example of horror done incredibly well but then in other cases it’s this nostalgic kind of need for this I

Guess comfort that a lot of us have lost over time and I don’t really have an answer as to why that is I don’t have an answer as to why these Lial spaces are so dualistic in nature and how they can represent this horror as well as this incredibly comforting

Somber reality at the same time but I think the fact that that phenomenon exists says something pretty telling about the nature of our existence we we all right now clearly long for a time that was Far simpler than the world is right now with all of its Corona viruses and skibby toilets

And a million billion other factors that we all have to cope with as a collective every day and that manifests in these terrifying concepts of liminality and loneliness and isolation but we’ve kind of turned we’ve we’ve kind of turned a a point here to where that liminality and

That Terror that people have come to associate with it is is almost a comforting reality to the people that choose to view it and I think that is a beautiful thing very quickly I’m realizing that the world that I have kind of inhabited and lived in and gotten used to and kind of

Figured out over the past little ch chapter of my life is changing it’s always it’s I wherever whatever point I’m at where wherever I was at the start of this school year is a different world than the one I’m currently living in now and that’s a

Scary thing for me to cope with because while I I welcome change and all of these things with open arms because I I I’ve been through change before and I I I’ve I’ve kind of looked it in the face and I’ve accepted it that doesn’t really

Make it any less scary you know bravery is not the absence of fear it’s looking at something scary and choosing to do it anyways and I’m I’m trying to be I’m trying to be brave and I’m trying to by you know talking about these experiences that I’m having as a developing person I

Want I want to accomplish a couple different things the biggest thing is that I want people who are my age going through kind of similar experiences to me I want those people to feel like they have someone else that they can um relate to and that they

Feel is having a similar experience to to them and so they feel less alone in the world cuz I remember when I was going through previously large changes in my existence oh boy did it not help that I felt very very very alone in the

World um but I also want to remind older people that may be going through another change in their world or that maybe they’ve kind of Forgotten what this feeling of change is I want to remind them um of what that is and what that felt like so that if they have younger

People in their life trying to get [ __ ] figured out uh they do it in a empathetic and responsible manner um because it’s very very easy for the comments and Views and perspectives of an older person to hurt that of somebody younger than them And I’m not just saying that like I really mean it I don’t I don’t know if there are any you know teachers or anything watching this video um but if there are I hope you realize how much weight your actions has on the future of the students who pass through your

Life everything you say is being weighed in their minds at any given moment and if you say even one thing that [ __ ] them up it’s it’s it’s going to [ __ ] them up like there’s no and I I mean no pressure you know uh try your best no one’s perfect but really really

Consider the things you say before they leave your lips and really think about you know how could How could a younger version of myself interpret what I’m about to say because it is real real easy to [ __ ] up little kids all right that [ __ ] happened to me in 8th grade

And it was uh it was bad I remember that’s that was that was the year where my depression um and my issues with suicide and SU ital ideations kind of hit a peak and it was a daily occurrence for me to seriously consider ending my life and

When I was in eighth grade it was the uh Co year that’s when Co was happening and school was being done through Zoom or in the case of my school um very small limited groups of students called cohorts where you would kind of crowd together into one classroom um and the

Teachers would come to you and the teachers the ones that would rotate versus uh you rotating kind of freely um among different groups of kids throughout the day and I remember our our home room teacher the one that was kind of supposed to be in charge of our emotional growth and development and

Learning I think she knew that a lot of us were really really struggling with our mental health because all of us were every single person that I that I know that was in that class um was struggling with their mental health at the time and [ __ ] most of them still are you know

What I mean I wouldn’t I wouldn’t say that I’m completely out of the woods yet in terms of the mental illness battle but I especially wasn’t out of the woods back then and I remember it I remember it so clearly because it was one of those it was one of those moments where

I was able to kind of snap out of the mindset of a a little kid and think like man this person really needs to reconsider what they’re saying and how they’re interacting with these kids it was the first class of the morning all of us are horrifically sad because we have to be

At school but at the same time while we’re forced to be at school we can’t be with our friends or really see family or get close to anyone or experience really any of the normal joys of Human Experience or interaction and I remember it so clearly she just

I’ll call her Mrs Jones um Miss Jones said you know I know things are hard right now now which you know put a lot of us on a a kind of empathetic note like oh she’s going to she’s going to say something sweet to us um she’s going to say

Something that you know kind of uplifts us and we are all a little hopeful and she just goes I know things are hard right now but you guys just need to suck it up like this doesn’t matter you guys are teenagers your feelings don’t mean anything you’re all hormonal and

Emotional you just need to suck it up and get through this cuz all of you are failing this class right now and if you don’t get your act together there’s going to be some serious issues around here and that was a [ __ ] breaking point for like half of the kids in that

Class I started to break down crying because this person that was you know I thought of as older and wiser than me in that moment was basically telling me that my feelings and my emotions didn’t mean anything and that they you know should be ignore it all

Together and not only me but all the other kids in the class started to really Cy too um we all just kind of put our heads down on our desks and started sobbing quietly and I think she realized she Miss Jones had I think Miss Jones

Had realized that she she [ __ ] up at that point um because she very very quickly changed the subject to something else whatever the homework was for uh that day I think and I I think about that moment a lot whenever I hear people talking about

Um you know oh just do you know how how something in the the life of a young child can affect them so drastically because we were eighth graders we were almost high schoolers so we had the ability to think for ourselves and we all after you know an initial moment of

Grief we all kind of came together as a group and we’re like hey that what she just said is [ __ ] like that’s a that’s a that is a [ __ ] terrible thing that that woman just said to us but if we were like fourth graders I can’t imagine you know people

People wonder why gen Alpha is not doing [ __ ] great in the education department right now maybe it’s because a lot of those kids were stuck in classrooms with shitty teachers that didn’t care about them and for an entire year and that basically just reset them entirely on their development maybe that’s the [ __ ]

Reason behind it not cuz some stupid Gmod means um and I I I I’m sure that you can tell that I’m getting a little bit angry just thinking about teachers that do that and I think I think the reason why I want to be a teacher so bad is because I know that

I will try harder than Miss Jones did that day and that I I will make I I will ensure that my students whoever they may be have somebody you know older and more experienced than them that doesn’t frown on their struggles and doesn’t belittle

Them and just says you know hey I get it uh this [ __ ] is tough but in this class that I’m giving you it I’m not just teaching you you know I’m not just teaching you facts for the sake of teaching you facts I’m teaching you these

Things so that later in life when you encounter issues you you know how to handle them you know how to make sense of this of the world that we live in because godamn is it so confusing as a kid and I just it it really breaks my [ __ ] heart

Thinking about all of the kids in this world that were never given teachers that cared about them or were never given adults or older people in their lives who really cared about them and wanted to help them with their struggles and could empathize with them and give

Them the tools to understand and move past them I’m I’m extremely lucky that I have I have always always always had a very very strong supportive network of friends and family and people who really care about me but I know I know that not everybody has that that

I I would trade I would trade everything in my life if it meant that kids who were in the same situation that I was in receive the chance to just have a person in their life who loves them and cares about them and is supportive of their of their needs

Because [ __ ] I see it so often I see I don’t I not only do I see it you know 4K caught on camera in front of me all the time as I go to a public high school but I see I see the results of it in my

Personal life I meet adults [ __ ] I’m a retail worker you know what I mean I I encounter more people people on a daily basis than most people do in a week and I man I meet these people and I they’ll they’ll come to the store and they’ll they’ll complain about some inan

[ __ ] or they’ll clearly be on some sort of substance that can’t possibly be doing their brain any favors and I just I I just think like what what would have happened if back in time everything in your life was exactly the same as it was to make

You end up here now but you just had one supportive person one adult one teacher not even necessar like not even necessarily a school teacher just somebody who teaches you things what how would this individual be a different person a better person than they are now or somebody who’s at the very least

Struggling less than they are if they just had one person who stopped and was willing to understand and empathize and give them the tools to move forward in life that’s something that I think about literally constantly and I think I think when people ask me you know

Everybody a late night chat with the boys inevitably gets philosophical and when the question of you know what what what’s the what’s the meaning of life what’s your purpose in life comes up I always I always make the point that I think everybody has to find their own purpose and that there’s no

There’s no way to let other people tell you what the what your purpose is or decide for you what you want to do and inevitably when I say that people ask me okay well what do you think your purpose is and I really I really think that Beyond some you

Know beyond God or any sort of religion or spirituality I just I feel like I was put here on this Earth to to be that person to be that just empathetic caring teacher that you know makes a difference in kids’ lives cuz if

I don’t do it who else is going to do it not Miss Jones Miss Jones probably and even halfway to [ __ ] retirement right now and so I don’t know how I don’t know who else how many more kids in my town she’s going to haunt with her ghoulish

Personality for how many years that’s going to go on and there’s so there’s you have no idea how many teachers there are in this world not teachers as in people who teach teachers as in people who work at schools and their job description is Teachers you have no idea

How how many of those people are mean bitter [ __ ] that are only there because they couldn’t get a job doing something else and they make it everyone else’s problem they make it every student who just happens to have The Misfortune of ending up in their class

They make it their problem and that is so unbelievably [ __ ] up to me and when I think about something that makes me angry kid kids having their love of learning and life and existence forced out of them by evil teachers who just don’t really care or

Don’t they they just can’t take the time out of their day to give a [ __ ] about these kids that’s what I think makes me just the angriest in life how many how many kids do you think Miss Jones has [ __ ] over in her life how many because there’s at least you know

I’m from a small town in the Pacific Northwest there’s there’s at least like 80 kids per graduat class in my school for per like generation of kids and she’s been working there for at least as long as I’ve been alive so that’s what [ __ ] hold on let me run the

Math 1280 kids have passed through her class in the past 16 years and of those 1280 kids how many of them do you think needed that support in their life that needed that person that they didn’t have at home and that they didn’t have anywhere else or any anywhere else that

They’re at how many of those kids do you think needed that person and were denied it all because Miss Jones decided that she was going to have a bad day day and yell at kids for feeling their feelings whatever that number is even if it’s just one kid that is way too

[ __ ] high to be acceptable in my eyes and it is most certainly my mission in life to make sure that no kid that ever passes through my class has to deal with that I’m realizing that I’ve spent a good chunk of this video talking about very

Very sad things and I actually you know contrary to to what many of you may believe I actually really don’t want these videos to be super sad um so I think it’s I think it’s about time I talk about some [ __ ] that makes me happy makes me smile in this world

The biggest thing among those right now uh that many of my viewers most of my viewers actually uh who are American are experiencing right now is that it’s uh it’s winter break very soon if if if not for you right now it will be very soon which cherish your winter breaks because

Good God can they go by fast um and I personally am very very excited for mine uh I’m going to get a lot done I know that for a fact and I’m not just saying that I’m pretty good at actually getting [ __ ] done when I say I’m

Actually going to get [ __ ] done um and among those things I’m getting I’m getting the [ __ ] I am getting the making sense of violence video out it’s happening even even if it you know takes me two times longer than expected which I don’t really think it will um I’m

Getting it out over the next two weeks at least before the new year and oh boy am I worried that you guys won’t like it um but you know what it it might it might just work it might just despite my my irrational fears and concerns um it might just be it might

Just be my best video essay yet who knows I’m always I’m always looking for things to make videos on but on the topic of winter break and free time uh I’m very very excited to just spend time with my loved ones because these last more these these last four months of

College and high school have just been uh exhausting uh a lot of the people who know me in my in my personal life who are watching this um will know what I’m talking about I haven’t really gotten a chance to too much of a chance to hang out with people

Or or talk or do much since College started um and now that the winter Corridor is finally over I I I’ll have at least a brief window to to kind of catch up on things and spend some time being around people that I that I

Love and care about and kind of you know catching up on things that I missed I hope the people watching this uh are able to enjoy a nice kind of relaxing Christmas break with your loved ones as well it’s a it’s it’s it’s it’s more important than you realize to give

To get as much of that time in as you can when you have the chance to get it uh cuz man will you start to regret it after a little while if you don’t if you if you don’t really focus on that at the end of the day I think all that really

Matters in life is how happy you feel and how happy you know your presence in the world makes others feel and if you don’t have if you’re not taking the time to spend you know evening and nights and mornings with the the people who love

You and they do love you uh even if you’re a person who thinks that you physically have nobody in this world left which I know there’s going to be [ __ ] one of you down in the comments um you’re full of [ __ ] I guarant [ __ ] tee you there is at least at least one

One person in your life who actually does really care about you and wants to see you be okay unless you are just the most horrendous piece of [ __ ] which I really I really don’t think anybody watching this video is if I’m being fully honest with myself there’s somebody who cares about

You and if there isn’t anyone who cares about you take some time and uh meet some of those people who would care about you if you knew them I think that’s I think that’s an important thing um I’m a little unfortunate I live in a in a very very small town

Um not a lot of people and uh my options as far as people who I can meet and make friends with in my age range and kind of general interest groups is very very very limited at least in comparison to a lot of people who are probably watching this so I hope that

You hearing this if you haven’t already really take the time out of your day to make someone else’s life better or meet someone else or just interact with people in a in a kind positive way I think I think that’s the thesis for today’s video If I had to pick a thesis

For today’s video it’s spending time with the people that are around you and that you love are and are important to you or even people who you don’t necessarily know but you know you could know them and you could you could there could be some spark of chemistry between

You two romantically or platonically or familiarly or however many other adjective type of ways make time for those people and make time for yourselves um with that ow trying to do an outro what that I’m going I need to get somewhere I need to get some

This this feels like a pretty good spot I’d say um thank you to everybody who watched this video I really appreciate it like it comment it subscribe what all the YouTube things go tell me what you liked about it in the comments um and remember to spend time with

People uh thank you all so much for watching I promise the next upload you see for me will be something different and not just another one of these long winded ramblings of mine but regardless I hope you enjoyed the video um and with that it’s late at

Night and I’ll see you guys next time is