EPIC 40th Birthday Q&A with Paul Spooner: Türkiye is Welcoming Us!

There going live awesome good morning everybody I’m Paul Spooner gelon to all my Turkish viewers uh uh this is my 40th birthday and so I thought I’d do something a little different and uh go through some of the stuff I’ve written about me so let’s see this is we do this maybe

Maybe pull it over here like this there we go that’s not too bad um thanks Aro 909 what is happening what is this this is uh a live stream you’re watching a live stream on YouTube uh so I have uh written quite a bit about myself I don’t talk about it

Much because that’s kind of um what arrogant um narcissistic it doesn’t seem appropriate most of the time but it’s my birthday so I think I’m going to I’m going to do it so I have um kind of an autobiography A little bit it’s 102 pages of just like

Memories that I have about things uh I started writing this when I was in university I believe uh back in let’s see do I have a thing about clonking my head in Bible school I don’t know if I do Mr Paul III actually that’s interesting because uh I’m Paul my uncle was Paul

And his dad his father was Paul so that’s three in my immediate family or my you know close family and so I am Paul the third in a sense uh check if a doll is busy yeah yeah I mean if he wants to come on uh I I’m

Sure we’d be able to figure out a way to to co- stream or something that would be fun um so when I was in Bible school I hurt my head skiing hit my head on a I went off a ski jump and landed bad didn’t have a helmet on that was stupid

She’d wear a helmet we going to go skiing or at least going to go off you know crazy jumps and stuff so hit my head got a mild concussion and um you know mild concussion you can’t remember things so well your brain doesn’t work so well while it’s healing

So uh when I got to University um I started writing this autobiography I was like I don’t really have a lot of time well here during the first few months of University before class class work and new friendships had really picked up I had some time to reflect and I began

Pondering my life up to that point and a flood of childhood memories prompted me to start the first draft of what would become this autobiography I recorded some dreams as well basically notes on everything I could could recall up to that point excepting the girls and Bible School

Uh yeah you did get it right it’s kind of yeah good job so I had uh I’d written down some stuff I and I still have a bunch of notes that aren’t filled out uh here with the double parentheses I Mark stuff like this so that I can find it more

Easily uh with a double parenthesis like that so that’s like just an outline a bullet point an item uh kind of a a placeholder for filling stuff out and uh just out of curiosity let’s see can I find in document how many of those do I have 64

We got 64 notes that haven’t been haven’t been fully fleshed out so thanks a normal guy I appreciate it so uh I think uh let’s see let’s just go over the the outline um I was born in 1984 obviously I’m 40 years old now so you know math

Works out and um um I was born into a middle class family which I’m still you know middle class over here in the US which is we’re fairly well off upper middle class um my father had married my mother when he was 40 and she was 31 I

Believe and so or a few years before that I was born when he was 40 so he’s 80 this year and he’s doing very well I’m his oldest and um my first memory is of the 1986 World Exposition held in Vancouver BC I was 2 and a half years old at the

Time my little brother was less than a year old he was very young he’s maybe 4 months old the memary is singular and still Burns vividly In My Memory the memory burns in my memory that’s not very well written the memory is singular and still Burns vividly let’s just cut out the In

My Memory part there we visited some concession stands and then looked out at an Endless Sea of cars parked for display I suspect we were at the Highway 86 sculpture the sculptors gathered many different modes of conveyance and formed them into a mock Highway the sculptures identifying characteristic was the all

Of the vehicles were painted matte gray my father and mother are standing in a sea of shiny gray cars oh it doesn’t like how I spelled gray huh he wants me to spell it like like that all right well fine they look as if they are diecast metal in my

Memory it’s this it’s like a parking lot it’s like a vast sea a parking lot but if you look up the Highway 86 sculpture in fact let’s look it up now um it was just a it was a pretty small was a pretty small kind of thing Highway 86 sculpture here we go

There we go there it is the Highway 86 sculpture it’s underwater I don’t remember it being underwater anyway my memory burns in my memory a perfect line yeah yeah poetry if I ever publish this I’ll I’ll go over it and re-edit and stuff so uh the Sun beats down it’s warm out

Dad speaks I learned to speak when I was a year old and I understand him he says we are standing by a classic car his tone is admiration and perhaps even awe I don’t know what a classic car is but I want to take part in this thing my

Father admires I want to touch it I lean over and my mother voice is concern this is something sacred not to be touched all these cars stretching as far as I can see in either direction are holy they set apart none may drive in them

None may sit in them none may even touch them now my childish lust is awakened my father’s policy at the time was to quote give kids whatever they want until they are 2 years old quote and I was not used to being refused somehow I prevailed on them and

I was lifted the joy of being a child to fly Wherever You Will into the front seat and eagerly grasp the steering wheel there I sat in the pose of control in the place of authority in a classic car revered by my father in the Holy parade

Held in awe by my mother in the last World’s Fair to be held in North America I mentioned these cars had been sitting in the sun for hours I did so of course one would expect them to be hot and they were and so perhaps I felt as if I was burning

Alive and I was oh the agony the Betrayal I recoiled from the wheel my tender hands stinging I’d been dressed in shorts so the backs of my thighs and calves burn too I flailed to escape but the SE was hot as well and burned my forearms I was burning alive a human

Sacrifice to the gods of the classic car the Holiness of the sight my mother’s trepidation it all became clear to me in that moment everything I touched seemed to be made of glowing metal and for a moment my Consciousness joined those innocence ulated in agony for mullock and Baal and numberless other Wicked

Spirits made their names burn like their victim’s bodies of course my father snatched me up again and I suffered no lasting damage well not physically I’ve always been good with machines but since then I’ve never been interested in cars especially classic ones later we rode the monreal which

Passed over the sculpture my mother pointed it out to me there’s the car you sat in so the memory is thus of a moment Frozen in time looking down from the sky on myself in a burning sea of solid metal cars with my parents and my brother besid

Me so that’s my my very first memory from when I was about 2 years old I learned to speak when I was about one as I said in there and uh yeah it’s a very early very formative memory um I’ve since become a mechanical engineer and

Uh like I said I I’ve always been interested in machines and how things work but whereas almost all the engineers I know are interested in cars uh I’ve never been been and I I can only assume that this uh this event was like a formative thing in my my subconscious so

That was an interesting that was an interesting memory to have yeah this is fine meme exactly yeah exactly ah so um I grew up I had some friends I had some other formative experiences um what else what are you guys interested in I graduated from high school a year

Early worked for my uncle for a summer the best memory so far yeah well I’ve only read one so I guess that’s it’s not too hard uh went to Bible school for a year uh wrode my journal a lot um went to University for 4 years to get my engineering degree had a

Girlfriend that I didn’t know that I had that was kind of a fun let’s see do I have uh Cara harler Ro um let’s see Cara if you’re watching this I’m sorry that I put you through all that I didn’t know what I was doing at the time

I thought I was being a friend Cara harod so uh when I was in university I don’t know if I’ve written too much about this let’s see let’s see if I’ve written something about it Cara 2013 1201 spring 2004 no two it couldn’t have been 2013

Got to be 20 2003 yeah it is 2003 2003 somebody’s calling not important so uh I went to I went to University freshman year I was in uh chemistry class um took chemistry 101 or whatever um I had actually taken chemistry in junior college so it might have been like the next the next year it might

Have been the spring year um but the teacher assistant was Cara hark Ro and she wore overalls in fact I think I’ve got a picture of her somewhere let me see if I can if I can dig up a picture of her ad doll loves doing this stuff but

He can’t do it if he’s busy also increase your camera opacity let you see your face okay let’s see face camera filters color correction opacity there you go how’s that that’s got to be better uh okay pictures um photos I might not have copied all my

Personal photos onto here oh I’ll bet I know I’ll bet I know Google will know Google will know where to find it ah there she is Cara hark Ro so she always wore overalls like this she was kind of a country girl redhead um and when was this let’s see when was

This May 20 2003 so yeah it must have been this is a spring I think it was a chemistry class and I had uh I’m using a Mac no this is a this is a Linux this is a Linux machine this is a Linux machine chill chill my

Bro uh let’s see I close that so anyway there’s Cara hark this is at the bonfire so this was this is even before I don’t know if I put this in the in the journal going on the bonfire uh let’s see yeah it was but this was spring 2003 change Max with Linux

Linux uh well I’ll just read what I’ve written here and then if if it doesn’t have details I’ll add some more details spring 2004 with Cara harler Ro I ended up at one of the chemistry ta sessions became infatuated with a young woman ta she was dressed modestly nearly always

In overalls as you saw in the picture I was resolved to forgo Romance until after graduating from University but I figured that we could be friends we were in different Majors so there wouldn’t be any competition that helps right uh so it helps to to add a little bit of

Context when I was in um before I went off to school when I was in high school my parents uh instructed me firmly that we can’t that I’m not supposed to get married until I’ve got uh got a job and I’ve graduated from college I don’t want

To get distracted you know they’re like don’t get distracted distracted from your getting your degree and all that stuff so you find you know find your pace and focus on your work and get your degree done and then you can think about getting married I was like okay I’m

Going to do that I was um well I was I’m still uh something of an autist I’m a little bit autistic he like H well you know I don’t really uh what is this Linux Paul is best Paul I can nuk my neighbor’s Wi-Fi with your Linux well don’t do

That don’t break things hey Cat welcome Happy Birthday yeah thank you very much um so when I was in when I was in Bible school they also had classes about taking relationships seriously and don’t play with people’s hearts and don’t uh you know don’t sleep around obviously uh

So I was very rigorous in my in my um thinking about relationships I like I’m not going to get married I’m not even going to date I’m not going to be interested in girls I’m not going to uh do any of that stuff I’m going to get my

Degree and then I can think about getting married uh so maybe a year later I got her aim username and we started chatting a few days later we went out and laid in the grass looking up at the stars this was like in the middle of the school in the

Middle of the grounds it wasn’t like off in the you know in the forest or something climbed a few trees sat on the branches marveled that people never looked up the me was just an excuse to talk I don’t know what I talked about whatever came to mind I suppose she

Talked a lot about her relatives or family members I wish I could remember any of what she said but there you have it she probably didn’t remember anything that I said either perhaps it’s best that way Cara was friends with sunny another girl that and they once invited

Me to accompany them as they ran around the trees after dark pretending to be fairies I walked a modest distance away I never touched her the whole time I knew her I never so much as held her hand the dorm I was hosted I was in

Hosted a bonfire and I invited Cara to come the guy running it prodded me to go sit next to her I don’t think he understood introverts but he probably understood how she felt about me much better than I did I eventually went over and struck up a conversation I think I

Offered her some Licorice and she she said that she preferred salty things in the evening because sweets made her mouth feel slimy in the morning she left me before the fire walking began which I was disappointed about because she missed me walk walking on the red hot coals with my bare

Feet uh and I don’t know if I talked about her more let’s see Cara I do fall 2004 we corresponded over the summer you guys are are goting each other on to Illegal acts in the in the comments here don’t don’t talk about anything illegal Google is listening to everything you

Say we corresponded over the summer I’ve never really been platonic friends with a girl and I think I’m not capable of it so I’m still a little infatuated but I write it off my summer intership internship is boring uh and interestingly the summer internship that

I was at was for a man who later became my father-in-law so he was my while I was infatuated with this girl at University I was working for my future father-in-law how things work out is kind of it’s kind of crazy uh my summer internship is boring

It doesn’t like how I spelled boring 1 o and boring all right fine sure Google and Cara is just about all I can think about so I write a long vaguely allegorical poem entitled Midnight Castle so let’s read it together Midnight Castle uh so this is the one without the the

Illustrations let’s see do I have one with with the illustrations here we go here’s the one with illustrations Midnight Castle this is a poem I wrote during the summer of 2005 for my then girlfriend now see it’s says Summer 2005 but my journal says it was summer 2004 yeah yeah it’s pretty

Long anyway uh it’s ostensibly romantic long form poem I wasn’t aware that we were dating so I I’m still oblivious to the fact that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend I think she thought that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I thought that we were just friends uh but

I wrote her this huge long romantic poem I don’t know what I was thinking I was like well you know this is just something you do for your female friends you write them long romantic poems it’s normal right totally totally normal crumbling craggy Granite overhangs the

Restless sea wet with mist and spray and F Oh Oh and before I get too far so these are all images generated with mid Journey uh let’s zoom in a little bit and maybe bring this over so that this fills up a little more of the screen just

So just so you guys have got a little more to to look at uh there we go all right Midnight Castle maybe a little bit out there we go crumbling craggy Granite overhangs the Restless sea wet with mist and spray and fog Desiring grass or tree somber

Black and slimy Stone offends the naked eye Sur surf assaults the lonely Rock seagulls wheel and cry grasping crooked fissures and its Towers leaping high shooting narrow Bridges cross the gorge Beneath The Sky woven in the midnight Grand it ruling stormy seas ston worked wathed in Shadow sprawls welling with

Disease gate of solid Mountain Oak and crossbars made of steel ever climbing buttresses with apogee surreal figures in the foggy Twilight Pace the lofty walls Windows glow with Crimson light from infernal Halls perched upon a balcony above the flying foam searching from the shadow of her frigid Dusky home Maiden sits with

Regal bearing looking to the waves tremble in her quiet breath sentiment betrays silver locket Sparkles as she holds it to her breast carrying a crimson lion as the only Crest out upon the swell approaching swiftly as the night sails boast the Ruddy Beast blazed on the white prow defeats the surging waves as

Storm clouds gather near wind flings back a wispy curtain formed of ocean tears Cries From far above her on the battlements declare more than just the princess sea all are now aware captains call for Archers as they spy the lonely craft Russell in each archers quiver lends a single shaft Now

The Mists infold the castle deadening the sight mist of Twilight hides the boat guarded by the night wind decries the Mad Affair and raindrops Sting the face C now Roars and hisses at the flinty Castle’s base flavoring the air the smell of salt ascends the wall soaked in slick the men’s still gaze

Peering through the PA many call for torches but the fog protects the night bathing all the battlements in Wan and jatis light every eyes fixed upon the ramp from dock to gate arrows knocked and archers shift long and anxious wait flash of lightning outlines figured armor on the grade just as soon as

Swallowed up by building Storm’s Cascade arrows whistle vainly as their marks concealed once more swordman clatter down the steps heading to the door now the shadow of a man grows cleaner through the spray clearer through the spray torches thrown upon the road make mockery of day for a moment in the dark

The clouds draw back to show Single figure clad in stone glinting in the glow arrows swarm like locusts in a black and buzzing Cloud glancing powerless upon The Shining Crystal shroud now he breaks into a run as arrows fall around roads Road grow tufted with the shafts driving in the

Ground but his path is now arrested by the oak doors standing firm against the ages of infernal Wars halting for a moment in the shadow of the stone silently considers this thoughts and plans unknown then with Mighty stroke that shiver Timbers all to shreds flaming sword assaults the portal

Splinters far he spreads waiting through the wreckage he advances toward the troops turning from his wrathful gaze fleeing him in groups entering the courtyard now the figure casts about lending no attention to the fearful fleeing route choosing his Direction he begins to run again pounding down the torchet Halls toward the sanguin

Den words cannot portray the horror of the Demon’s Lair language falters faced with bile and Bone and Gore and hair squatted ever learing on his selfmade throne of death principality of Doom steals away the breath shouting to implore the Mighty God who will not fail standing on the threshold

While the Demon’s light grows pale armored figure stretches out his blade toward Demon’s Heart fissures split the ston worked walls mortar melts apart demon flies to kill the man who would destroy his home caught mid-flight the demons crushed beneath the falling Dome feted Vapors rush out in a roaring

Sudden blast figure turns for M and Hall demon dead at last searching through the Dungeons and the towers high above seeking out the cell where he can find his mourning love weeping on her balcony she Suns the light of dawn fearing he has been destroyed by the Demon’s

Brawn now resounding in the corridor she hears a sound splintering boards and beams are clattering onto the ground closer comes the terror and she hazards what portend stand stand ing on the balcony bracing for the end flashing steel defeats the door and darkness greets her sight hidden in the

Corridor and shadows dark as night then a joyous voice Cries Out beckoning her name armored figure steps within gesturing the same tromping through the passages beneath the towers High Crossing narrow bridges over Gorge Beneath The Sky fleeing from the midnight Granite to the stormy seas Stone workor wreathed in Shadow

Falls crumbling to its knees crumbling craggy Granite overhangs the Restless sea wet with mist and spray and fog Desiring grass or tree somber black and slimy Stone offends the naked eye vessel fleas the lonely Rock seagulls we wheel and cry going for some bananas okay thanks murer thanks for letting me know you’re

Getting some bananas that’s good Dam on fire hey thanks I’m glad you like it he’s in De mood yeah yeah well you know uh I was certainly in the mood at the time I don’t know I okay so on rereading this here I’m just going to read my

Commentary and rereading this I’m torn between being really pleased with the Poetry in some places and rather disappointed in others I was 21 at the time there’s no excuse for youth but still I’m not sure how I would improve it save by punching up the pacing a bit

I’m also really happy for finally having illustrations for this poem courtesy of mid Journey the I took a lot of license with the scenes I don’t think it appreciates The Poetry I’m planning to do a rereading of this poem set to the images but we’ll see how long it

Takes uh I’d also like to do like a um what an animation maybe or or like a movie or something I don’t know I I still think it’s pretty good let me know what you think so anyway that was Midnight Castle that was the poem I wrote uh over that

Summer it didn’t have illustrations of course it was just you know the um just the text but uh yeah so I wrote that uh for Cara although I denied even to myself that I was writing it for her I think I just said I was like you know I

Wrote this poem and it reminds me of you oh dear so that was Cara harod uh let’s see let’s bring this over a little more so you can see the text bananas were toen good job Mur so we corresponded over the summer um I wrote her that poem in the fall she

Invites me to meet her family who are visiting the school it’s really awkward I think trying to I I think about trying to ask her father’s permission to date her no no I do I I’m pretty sure I do I ask so while I’m there I’m like hey I’d

Like to go out with your daughter and then her instead of her father answering her mother answers and she gives some sort of um I I forget what the answer was but she gives some sort of answer that that shocks me I’m like whoa um and so it’s

Like wait a minute she doesn’t have a strong father he can’t even answer a direct question um or he’s too socially inept to be aware of what’s happening I mean like I’m socially inept too but that’s okay right maybe that’s why she was attracted to me she I’m like her dad

Uh and her mom seems like a little too overbearing and so I decide I leave under the impression I leave the meeting I so I was meeting in the dorm room it wasn’t like we went out to dinner or something we like they were visiting and she’s like hey my parents are visiting

And uh it’s you know go to the dorm room and and meet her parents so I leave under the impression that I should keep the Rel relationship friendly which is what I resume doing as far as I can tell so I’m I’m like oh okay well we’re still

Friends and uh we’ll just keep being friends that’ll be fine uh at some point we go exploring the storm drains on two occasions and each time I ensure that there is a chaperon with us I forget who’s there the first time it’s some uh one of the

Guys from school one of the guys in the classes um the second time it’s Aaron Scott who is a phobic and dominates the evening being terrified because there are spiders in the in the storm drains and so uh I go in front and smash the spiders and then she goes in the back

And uh and so he can be in the middle so he’s not alone with the spiders and uh like I don’t know what I was thinking I like I like exploring storm drains it’s fun and later I do go exploring storm drains with my uh fiance then to be

Wife um later my roommate and I have a Dungeon Siege Marathon Cara comes over the next morning I haven’t slept for hours I basically I I played like throughout the night I played all the way through the night um I haven’t slept for hours and basically ignore her a day or two later

She tells me that we can’t go out anymore which I didn’t realize we were going out weren’t we just friends I never kissed her I never held her hand anything I say something like I guess this is my first time dating then to which she responds yeah the black mold

Kind of gave it away which kind of puzzled me for a long time until I reread Midnight Castle and made the connection except that it’s not there’s no black mold in Midnight Castle the black mold was the black mold on my pants my I had left my pants in the wash

And I hadn’t transferred them and they I left them in the wash for so long that they grew black mold on them and I don’t know why that would be I think maybe it was that like she was saying that I was so inept at taking care of myself and

Presenting myself that it was no surprise to her that this is the first time that i’ had been dating because there’s no way that anyone would be interested in me except that earlier there had been several girls who had been interested in me so anyway it doesn’t matter doesn’t matter I think I

I think she was um she was disappointed that she she that she thought that we were going out and she was disappointed that that her um affections and interests were not reciprocated and so she’s kinded to downplay my my um my desirability which I mean you know fair

Enough um anyway the connection see yeah so this is uh this needs to not true it was my pants there we go few weeks later she started dating someone else and we stopped being friends which I felt rather betrayed by because like uh let’s see she starts dating

Someone else yeah I felt kind of betrayed by that because it was like I thought we were friends I thought we were having a good time together we had some similar interests we you know we could hang out and do stuff uh if we’re if we can’t I don’t

Understand why I didn’t understand at the time why we couldn’t just be friends why we couldn’t be like why it had to be romantic um now I understand now that women can’t wait around for a guy to decide to be decide that it’s time like they’ve got to start having children as

Soon as possible so that they can have a family because if they wait too long they’re just going to not be able to have children uh so I just I didn’t understand what was going on um and I don’t know like if I could go over and do it again I think that

Probably I would have not been as uh as interested in friendship with young women I don’t know if anyone so this is some editorializing on my My Own Story here but I don’t think personally that it’s possible for young men and young women to be only friends I I don’t think

It’s possible I think it’s too the the young women are too attractive to young men and young young women are too interested in having a family um for it to for it to be sensible like it now I’ve seen people who are extroverted and I think maybe that helps if you’re extroverted you’re

Actually interested in people uh but I’m pretty introverted and car is pretty introverted so we weren’t actually interested in people people it was it was the interest in the relationship itself in the you know in the intimacy essentially uh it was the attraction of the intimacy

So man you don’t got to believe me but I’m literally in status like this so you have so nurplex you are in a relationship where you just want to be friends but the girl is like I need babies please marry me and Mur plus one you to my Bros so

This is my story I don’t think that it is possible for for men to be friends with girls at least young men and young women it might be possible if you get older um I don’t know I’m 40 now maybe it’s possible for me now but it certainly wasn’t possible for me then

And I think if I think if you’re a young man who’s like really a loser and is not any good anything then it’s possible to be friends with girls because the girls are going to be like oh he’s not husband material and I’m not really interested in him

Um but I don’t think it matters how well yeah I don’t know I suppose it would be possible if the if the woman if the young woman was extremely ugly sickly or in some way like crippled so that it she wasn’t attractive as a wife um but still had capability of being a

Friend if there was a common interest there or something I had friends in high school but we were part of a friend group it wasn’t like an individual friend it was part of like we were part of a group together so yeah murderer says I wonder why they

Want family you should watch Jordan Peterson it should be fun before family and the kids sorry for saying that but eh true kind of uh so I am of the opinion that it should not be fun before kids I think if you’re going to get

Married I think if if you want to have sex with a woman you should be you should either distance yourself from her so you’re not tempted to or marry her so that you can carry it out in the proper context I I believe that marriage is the proper context for sex and that

Attraction is driving us toward marriage and that was always my intention it was like I want to get married I I so I’ve never had sex with a woman except for my wife and uh and I’ve never even been alone I’ve never been alone with a woman

Except for my wife in you know in private I’ve been in a car like driven in a car with a woman or whatever but like I’ve never been alone together with a woman except for my wife so like and and that has worked out very

Well for me I’ve got nine kids like I’m I’m very happy in my relationship uh we have a great relationship and part of that is that I didn’t bring any baggage in and she hasn’t either right she was a virgin when we got married so like she

Didn’t bring any that baggage with her I didn’t bring any of that baggage with me and I think that that is people think men think about um sex as like oh it’s easy it’s cheap you know it doesn’t cost me anything but it does cost you something because there’s this psychic

Connection that gets that that gets established and um if you establish that connection with a woman outside of marriage you are allowing her into your psychic environment and because you have betrayed her in that way because it is a betrayal to not marry a woman before you

Sleep with her like that’s a that’s a very deep betrayal and if you betray a woman in that way she will make you miserable and crazy she will psychically sabotage your life so don’t do that that is it is such a stupid idea don’t do that don’t sleep with girls don’t sleep

Around you have to get married before you have sex it is it is so important it’s so important so uh I I had had not understood the drive for women at the time but and now I understand better you I watched Jordan Peterson about this he’s great he explains it very well but

Um women have to have children early they can’t wait very long to have kids they’re most fertile when they’re young when they’re you know 16 14 uh 17 18 19 20 you know and that that period so like if you’re 25 and you marry a a 16 or

17year old that’s ideal uh I married my wife when she was 20 um or yeah 20 and I was 25 so like that was pretty close to Ideal um a little earlier would have been better for her uh but it was you know it was good

Um so I think also that the idea of dating in University like going to University to find a wife I think it’s kind of foolish because the that age Gap is really it’s important for the man to be mature and well established and it’s important for the woman to be young

Enough that bearing children isn’t a burden and uh you know a real danger to her so uh I think the ideal is for a man to graduate University or whatever I mean I don’t actually think that University is that important I went to get my degree

Because you really need a degree to do engineering but for most things I don’t think it’s important and even nowadays it’s not that important anymore uh Elon Musk hires Guys Without degrees all the time so it’s kind of falling out of favor but you know be established be

Established in a career or something like that and then for the young woman to be just out of high school essentially I mean like that seems like the ideal for me so um this whole thing of like dating peers and people of your equal age and like

Both people having a job and not having kids I’m a Catholic so I don’t believe that birth control is is a viable option I don’t think it’s um morally acceptable morally justifiable so like using birth control and uh you know waiting to get married or waiting to well waiting to

Get married certainly like living together whatever and then waiting to have kids even after you’re married I think both are really bad ideas if you’re going to if you’re going to sleep with a woman you should have married her first and if you’re going to marry her

You need to be willing to give her the children that she wants I’m not saying that you have to have kids but if she wants children you should give them to her and she is probably going to want them because she’s not going to want to

Marry you unless she wants to have your babies unless she’s on birth control in which case you need to get her off of birth control before you get married because when she does go off birth control she will change and her desires will change and her ideas will change

And what she’s attracted to will change and it probably won’t be you so like be really careful about that too don’t marry someone who’s on birth control it’s it’s a very bad plan um anyway that’s my rant that’s my rant about all this stuff uh let’s see let’s read some

Comments I try to be only a friend but I slowly notice Noe it’s hard each time yeah I yeah totally agree nurplex I I don’t think it’s possible it’s certainly not possible for me I’ve seen other guys do it um I’ve seen a few of them succeed

But mostly they were extroverts so I think it if you’re an extrovert maybe it’s possible to just be like oh yeah we like being around people and some friends and stuff but then it won’t be an exclusive relationship right it’ll be you’ll be in a group of people so I

Think that is fine I think it’s fine for there to be men and women in a group of friends but I don’t think that it’s possible certainly not for me for individual men and women to be friends at least until their much older yellow dollar is coming I don’t

Know what that means win for loyal Paul thanks guys dub I’m back hey welcome back cat Candyman hey hello from Turkey hello Candyman skeleton so this is my 40th birthday stream we’re going over uh the story of my life and reading about stuff we’re just talking about

Girls love is greater than lust that’s right that’s right nplex engineering so what’s the strongest shape 5 Seconds congrats you got full marks the strongest shape uh the triangle or or in three dimensions the tetraedron which is why diamond is so hard uh let’s see so she started dating

Somebody else because she wanted to get married and have kids and she had to do that thanks Candyman uh let’s see is there anything else about Cara in here 2004 Cara’s still on my mind I can’t shake her spell too bad the timing is wrong for the kind of relationship that

Would unite our flesh so romantic I don’t even know who she is not really yeah not really uh more this is a journal entry about Cara you can read it on the VOD if you want to I’m not going to read it out journal entry all right Taylor oh yeah Taylor

Bozarth claps from Mur thanks man all right so anyway so that was my first girlfriend that I didn’t even know I had um before that there was a girl who was interested in me in in Ceramics class uh and I think she was only interested in

Me because I had my own car I was like I don’t know 15 or something and uh we were in surround class she was one of those low class um doxy types made up you know lots of makeup not dressed particularly modestly um I shot her down so hard I had no idea

What what was going on I was like what are you even talking about what are you even talking about and there was friends from high school and stuff we’ve got eight viewers now hey guys welcome this is my 40th birthday stream um I’m just going over a journal of uh my my

Autobiography so let’s see what else encountering Anna I talked about this earlier I’ve only ever had one sexual partner we’re married but I don’t want to talk about marriage uh let’s see exploring our first child was born in 2010 um shortly afterward I did the work on Minecraft there’s a whole stream

About that you can go watch if you like I was hoping to collaborate with Notch but he got overwhelmed with public attention shut down all his non-essential communication so he could focus on working on the game I went on to write a few scripts none that related repeated the popularity of the tree

Generator and some years later provided support for the tree code I wrote for the new developer Jeb I believe it was Jeb what do you think about Minecraft now uh I like I like Minecraft I like that it’s a a Sandbox that lets you do what you want

I like um the feeling of being immersed in something that’s real in the sense that you can change it and and touch it and work with it and modify it and play with it I don’t like how and I I talked about this in a stream called what’s

Wrong with Minecraft where uh I talked about I don’t think that Minecraft is particularly welld designed as a game um I don’t think it’s particularly welld designed as a voxal tool and I don’t think it’s particularly welld designed as a simulator or procedural generation engine and so it’s got flavors of all

Those things and it’s well integrated um but I think it all of those things could be done better and I I don’t know if Minecraft should be the thing that does those things or if it should be something else but um I uh I’m not I’m not particularly impressed with how well

It’s executed on any of the ideas that it implements um but it does implement a lot of good ideas and it implements them well enough so it’s like it’s a good game I mean obviously it’s a good game it’s one of the most popular uh I don’t

Know if it’s the popular most popular it’s certainly one of the most popular games in the world but um I think you could certainly do much better um the other thing I’m not happy about with Minecraft is that it never had modding support like the modding

Support was just never there for it and um even though it is incredibly modable it was never like it was never implemented well uh fun facts are 90% not fun and just facts okay I did I say fun facts I don’t think I did I think you said that mimer Salam hey

Salam cal cal o Candyman says new Minecraft yeah that would be sweet Al Salam maraba gon Salam Paul Spooner is it your birthday yes it’s my birthday I’m 40 years old today the big 40 here let’s uh no no that’s the wrong way there we go 40th birthday it’s my 40th birthday

Today Salam Ahmed UTM yeah greetings everybody uh so I was just going over some of my memories I’ve written 100 page Memoir and it’s not even done um so I was just going over that let’s see let go over here perfect um let’s let’s make this a little even more opaque there we

Go happy birthday thanks calup yeah thanks candy man so I did the Minecraft stuff Labor Day weekend 220 uh plan checking at SEC oh man yeah so many things my English is very bad sorry cips I’m afraid you won’t be able to understand this very well because I don’t speak Turkish

Uh so I worked at a couple companies I worked um before I I married my wife before I got married I worked at do I even have a thing on here mner filtration products I should put a thing in for Meer filtration products mner oh here we go yeah

Yeah getting a job at mner cat’s back hey welcome back uh let’s see so I got a job at a company um doing filtration then I got a different job oh so I got a job doing filtration then I left my job and uh worked with Ian Hubert oh let’s go look

At Ian Hubert’s Channel because he’s got so much cool stuff what’s going on in your game Paul says Candyman uh I’m not playing game at the moment I’m doing 40th birthday Memoir Stu stuff remembering remembering my 40th birthday remembering my life kind of going over my life and stuff uh let’s see

Subscriptions Ian Hubert is Ian Hubert there we go this is Ian Hubert so I worked with this guy on Project London uh he’s got so much really cool stuff you guys should check it out check out Ian Hubert’s stuff because he is he is amazing he’s an amazing CG artist and

Director uh visual he’s got an incredible visual imagination very very keen visual sense of like design and stuff um artist really artist type he’s a really cool guy anyway so I worked with Ian Hubert on Project London uh let’s go look at project London uh project London Ian

Hubert he’s got some stuff about it 10 years ago man it was a long time ago and that it was even longer ago than that World building by Ian Hubert uh it’s on here somewhere where is where is Project London project London clip Benny’s Fuel and repair project London here it

Is uh I don’t know if I can restream someone else’s video so I won’t do it but anyway project London I worked on this movie I made uh a few of the a few of the things in fact open the video of Duke and a doll

For you yeah yeah I will I will open that but not yet uh we haven’t gotten there yet that’s like way at the end cuz that was only a year ago anyway I worked on Project London um see if I can peripheral Arbor is it photo journals is in Project London in photo

Journals no project London here we go so if you go to this this is my project London thing and uh these are all the videos that I or the the things that I made and they’ve got time stamps so this is like each one of these has a time stamp on it

So like ISO container click on that and uh it’s this this ISO container right here in the corner so I modeled I 3D modeled that ISO container and you know a bunch of other stuff uh so that was that’s project London um so I I quit my job I quit my

Well-paying engineering job I started officially dating my 2B wife um I moved away moved up to Seattle and worked on this movie Project cuz I was like man I could make some money like if I could make my living doing 3D modeling and like CG stuff that would be amazing I

Would love to do that and uh so I moved up there hoping to make that work and uh I’ve been doing 3D modeling since I was like 13 um and so I moved up there hoping to make that work and that was exactly the time time that uh the the

Big crash happened so 2008 financial crisis hit and uh yeah everything fell apart Ian Hubert wasn’t making any money from the movie nobody had any money to spend on on movies and CG and stuff and so that dream kind of died uh moved back to California was unemployed for about a

Year got a job doing engineering then uh my wife found me a job up in Seattle again and so we moved up there uh together by this time we had two kids um worked in Seattle for a while and then uh we went to Japan I wrote a whole blog about

That here I’ll put the link in there cat says 3D modeling is hard yeah It’s Tricky I have a I have a very very high spatial sense like my brain um processes three-dimensional shapes really easily and so for me it’s not particularly hard but like it’s like I

Am talented in that way and so I want to I want to use all the talents that I have well I don’t want to waste them I don’t want to waste them by not using them or by using them for something that’s bad so like I’m extremely well um well tuned to

Three-dimensional shapes it’s just like I’m really good at that I’m very bad at like social stuff like my brain I think the parts of my brain that are supposed to be doing social stuff are just like doing 3D stuff all the time so I don’t know I don’t know what happened but yeah

Copyrights is going to take this stream down yeah well uh I think if it gets I I’m I’m not advertising I’m not a YouTube Partner or whatever so even if it gets stried I don’t think it’s just it just means that I don’t get ad revenue from any ads that

I run on it so and but I don’t get ad Revenue anyway so I don’t think it matters uh this is really interesting everyone was a Turk yeah so everyone uh so so n tth of my subscribers are Turkish roughly um so like nine out of

10 of the people on who are my subscribers are Turkish and so I do most of my streams early in the morning for me which is late in the evening for you guys so that you guys can participate in them uh come guys talk to Paul and a

Doll’s Discord server so here is staff may notice talk about Paul you know if uh I’m dudon d d o n if I can get a I have I joined his server I don’t know if I joined his server or not I should join his server at some

Point uh you have a son right I do yeah so when we were in um when we’re in Seattle my first son was born um I was working for an aerospace company called Electro impact and you can you can view all this stuff paul. trap.com is my professional

Resume I just put in the chat um so you can you can read about all my professional stuff so I won’t talk about it too much cuz it’s all documented there but um yeah I had my first son in there and then the company that I worked for was

Uh your nickname is heartless okay please open D doll’s video soon yeah yeah I will doin doin ad doll yeah I’m very curious I will I will open it up uh what time is it for you right now it is 9 12 a.m. 9:12 in the

Morning uh so I went to Japan uh because the company I worked for had a big um big machine over in Nagoya at uh Kawasaki heavy Industries now they’ve got or they had two at the time and they were installing a third now I think they have like four or

Five installed over there but um they had a contract for support which meant that they had to provide one engineer who would be on site during business hours at all times uh but the company I worked for didn’t want to get didn’t want to hire someone who is Japanese uh

They wanted some of the engineers from the company itself to go over there uh and they didn’t want to get a work visa because that was complicated and stuff and so they just sent us over there on Travelers visas and you can only stay in the country for a maximum

Of 6 months and uh and you had to leave the country and come back after 3 months so is like go over for 6 months or go over for 3 months and then someone will come and and swap you out so they’re like hey we’re taking volunteers uh does

Anyone want to go and live in Japan you get room and board uh well I mean they don’t they they pay you a stipend uh it was it was a generous stipend per day plus they pay for your rent plus they pay for a rental car that you get to use

Whenever you’re not at work and um and they’ll send your family over so I had three kids at the time my two daughters and then my my son my oldest son and my wife was pregnant uh and I think we found out that she was pregnant

After we had committed to go but before we went over and we found out that she was going to have the baby while we were in Japan so I was like do we really want to do this and we decided yes we’re going to and that turned out uh very

Traumatic for my wife um it was okay for me like I I got real riled up the the in short um the Japanese we had our baby in the hospital and the Japanese took our our baby away to the incubator and wouldn’t give him back even though there

Was nothing wrong with him so that made me um unhappy but it all turned out well in the end and uh anyway that was that was a whole thing and I’ve got a Blog about it spooning japan. blogspot.com here I’ll just copy this into the

Chat um and so I wrote All about that you can read about that if you want um while I was okay so I I mentioned there’s these three months stins where you go over for 3 months then you have to leave the country and come back and

Then you’re there for another 3 months and so when I left the country and then came back it was uh it was actually the second time I left the country and came back I went to Singapore because the country the company was like well pay for your flight to wherever you want to

Go uh you just you know you have to be back to work in a week or whatever and so I was like I’ve always wanted to go to Singapore I love the um the like very strict moral authoritarian monarchical kind of government they have um I love their culture um they’re they’re

Like they’re lawful organized but also like lots of personal Liberty and lots of personal responsibility and I wanted to go there and see if it was everything that people said it was a lot of people were like oh it’s so terrible they don’t let people be gay there whatever and I

Was like I don’t care about that I’m not gay and I don’t think that you should be so like that’s fine uh you don’t have to you don’t have to agree with the politics of government but I happened to so he like yeah that’s fine with me uh

They’re not super big on Free Speech but it’s like yeah that’s like they’re they’re enough you can say whatever you want as long as you don’t like try to take down the government more or less so I like yeah that’s fine with me I don’t want to take down the government like I

Love the place I think it’s great so I wanted to go there and uh yeah I wanted want to see what was like so I went to Japan or I went to Japan and then while I was in Japan I had to go out of the

Country so I went to Singapore for a week um and it was just me it wasn’t my wife my wife had just had the baby um like a week before beforehand or something like that so the baby was born and then I left and she was in Japan she

Went to Osaka to get the baby’s passport I think um anyway so I was there by myself and while I was there I had I had studied Singapore somewhat because I wanted to move there and live there um my wife’s not big on on on moving away from family and stuff which is

Understandable but I was like man I really want to live in Singapore I think it’s a great place uh and so I had studied it and I noticed that there was this tiny little island out on the Bay it’s like there’s a bunch of islands but

I think the smallest I think it is the smallest island in Singapore is this island called Pula Jang and uh so I I thought about it over the years I like oh this is cool place it’d be neat to go there someday and uh I was in Singapore

I was like and uh I had a couple days left where i’ had seen all the things I wanted to see it’s a pretty small country and you know I’d been to um some of the I’d seen some sites and I I wasn’t really there for like the museums

Or anything but I’d been to some museums and i’ gone kind of around the country a little bit uh seen some stuff rode the the tram you know rode around on the on the light light rail and uh so I was like man I should just go oh no I I went

To okay so I was at a museum and there was an Art Exhibit there I think or something and in the exhibit there was a picture of Pula Jong and it had on there like no one’s been there um it’s a protected area you can’t go there it’s

Surrounded by impassible reefs uh it’s basically impossible to get there and um I was like man I should go there like you say it’s impossible and like I want to I want to go there I want to do an expedition I’m going to like cuz it said

Like no one knows what lives there no one knows what’s on the island it’s just like no one’s been there and and like nothing is known about it and so I was like man I should go there I should go and take a video I had a little uh

Waterproof camera with me um or it was a it was like a GoPro kind of thing it was a Samsung I think it was a Samsung or a Sony little GoPro style camera and uh so I I was like man I should go there and

So I did I over the course of a couple days I sought out the government officials that were in charge of the park I said hey I want to go there and they’re like yeah sure um you know don’t break anything don’t get hurt and uh

Don’t take anything with you or or like don’t take anything from the island like everything has to say there I was like fine yeah I can do that it’s just going to be me and maybe uh there were some friends I was sing in a hostel and there

Was one of the guys there I thought maybe he would go with me but he he didn’t end up going he was kind of like a um I don’t know how do you put it he’s like a trust fun kid where he was just traveling around seeing the world didn’t

Really have any um any Drive of his own and uh so he hung out with me for a little bit but he was just like whoa you’re too you’re too intense man I can’t I can’t handle this or whatever I don’t know I I don’t know what’s going

On with him trust fun kids who can understand him uh I’ll turn off the computer and come back okay see you later cips do it do it for me enter Duke Duke at all server what are you guys saying I’m back social anxiety I try to get a

Few people here from the server yeah yeah there’s a bunch of people now thanks you did good thanks guys a doll yes Paul please watch this this a doll’s video guys yes I I know is he streaming right now is he is he live streaming H YouTube Duke and a

Doll Duke and AD doll TVO uh I don’t think he’s live streaming at the moment five months ago no two weeks ago last stream two weeks ago uh let’s see live yeah two months ago was his last live stream he doesn’t live stream too much let’s see um about play this community

Um he also has his own personal his own personal channel right that he does his personal stuff on at Lance’s yeah anyway he’s probably on Twitch right now okay yeah yeah live streaming on Twitch that makes sense um so I went to to Pula Jang and uh got permission went over there

There’s a video about that I can I can show my own videos right in fact let’s see if it’s still there pul Jong means junk Island and for a while Wikipedia ecology yeah here it is in July 2014 a private expedition was conducted with a permission of the Singapore government an individual swam

Destroy climbed the island recorded video footage of the Island’s interior found no evidence of terrestrial animals of any kind suggested the island was inhabited exclusively by insects spiders and occasional bird link to Paul Spooner’s video of exploration of the island and so here it is uh I’ll put a link in

Here but uh yeah I made a little video about it and then I also made um a bunch of other videos I took a bunch of footage this is like the edited version it’s edited down to just like the interesting Parts but then I also uploaded all the footage that I had from

The island as well as uh a bunch of the footage I had going to and from the island so it’s all on there on YouTube if you’re interested somebody’s got a comment on my thing when do you usually live oh yeah I that already so anyway

Paul is this your book yes uh this is well I mean it’s it’s one of my books uh this is my autobiography it’s uh a book that I’ve written I started writing it when I was in university um so anyway I went to this

Island I swam so I I I tried to rent a kayak I tried to rent a boat with a kayak so that I could take the kayak to the island um I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to do that so then I was just like standing on the

Seashore watching this old guy like fixing a crab trap or something and uh this this guy comes up and he’s like hey what’s up and I was like Hey I want to go to this island I want to go to Pula Jang I’ve got the papers I’ve got

Permission and uh I just can’t find anyone who has a boat who can take me and he’s like I’ve got a boat how much money got and I was like here here’s I think I paid him like $400 Singapore dollars and I was like here’s the money

I got is that enough he’s like yeah that’d be that’d be fine let’s do it and I was like I don’t I need a kayak he’s like you don’t need a kayak you can just swim I’ll give you my life preserver I was like okay sure let’s do it so we

Went out there he gave me a life ring you know like one of those big orange rings and I just like swam Over The Reef to the island uh walked around climbed up onto the top walked around on the top climbed back down walked the rest of way

Of round swam back to the boat and uh and went back went directly back to the hostel picked up my stuff and then went directly to the airport it was that close cut it was like if I don’t find someone in the next like hour I will

Have to just give up on this but it worked worked out it was awesome so anyway yeah yeah it’s an awesome little island I would love to at some point I would love to go and build a castle on that island and like build a a really cool

Like Island House Castle Fortress base thing I think that would be incredibly cool um I am pretty sure it will never happen but you know who knows it’s it’s possible anything’s possible tried to download Astron my brother’s PC I’m so evil oh well I mean like as long as you you have your

Brother’s permission you do have his permission don’t you murer hello lold welcome so that’s the story of Pula Jong uh you can watch the video if you want uh what were we talking about we’re talking about Pula Jong then we went back to um back to the boat I went back

To the boat I went back to Japan I went back to uh Seattle um oh I went to Kashi the Akashi kayoko Bridge oh that was so that was such an amazing experience I don’t know let me know if you guys want to hear the story about

Going to the yashi kioko bridge I’ll read it and uh talk about that if not that’s fine um then I was kicked off the project I was working on at EI when I got back from Japan and then I went uh I was like well I don’t know how long this is going

To last it turns out it didn’t last very long EI was like at its peak there and shortly after I left the whole company crater they like had to lay off two-thirds of their people or something crazy like that it was it was very rough for them but it’s was fine for me

Because I moved back to Southern California and worked for my buddy kind of Switched careers worked in um in construction for a while uh doing engineering for construction then I worked for company doing uh fabrication but the interesting thing to me need to go Candyman all right see you

Candyman um the interesting thing to me was I became a Catholic I had been a Lutheran before and so I became a Catholic I was still Christian but I was a Catholic now and uh we had all five of our kids at the time baptized and then um what we took a

Family vacation oh yeah that was fun and then I found out about Jordan Peterson and that’s the last thing in my journal because Jordan Peterson uh has a self-authoring program um which I encourage you to go look at you know get a get a copy of it and do

It it’s a great exercise I really enjoyed it and doing the self-authoring program was one of the things that got me back to writing on my autobiography and so the last thing in my autobiography is about Jordan Peterson because it kind of comes for Full Circle

That closes that all up and that brings us this up to like maybe four years ago uh roughly four years ago and um I’m not going to get a seven-year-olds permission your your seven-year-old brother has his own computer that’s amazing all the computers that at our house are owned by me they’re my

Computers they’re not like they don’t belong to anyone well I mean cuz like we don’t have nine computers actually we might we might have nine computers but we don’t have like one for each kid it’s just like whichever one of you needs to use a computer at the time you can use

One of the computers he destroyed my rocket League items oh no sorry to hear that Mur hi elmech hey come back hey welcome back KS Cales kpes um so yeah Jordan Peterson that brings us up to the present so that is uh my autobiography so far so after that

Um I well there’s the pandemic and which I always kind of thought of Jordan Peterson talks about being ready for like um the flood like preparing for the flood and I’ve in that context I’ve always thought of the pandemic as being kind of like a flood right like everyone is in their little

Arc they were in their family they were just with their family they were like kind of isolated and it’s like were you ready for that cuz if you were ready for it like it was a time of purification and if you weren’t ready for it uh you

Were drowned in the flood like you were drowned in the sea so anyway uh we weathered the the flood of the pandemic not too badly um I worked from home for a bit I got a couple jobs that that were um very lucrative we made some money

Saved up some money and then we moved away from Southern California up to North Idaho which is where I am now uh with my brother and my father and uh yeah we’re we’re very happy you want me to call you heartless kpis wants me to call him or

Her heartless okay I’ll try to remember is there a way to like add let’s see add a uh nickname I can’t add a nickname to you sorry I’ll try to remember to call you heartless even though it’s not true clearly cuz you would be dead uh so that’s the story of my life

So far and uh I also have a dream journal so this is like I don’t know how many pages how many pages is this 102 pages of my autobiography I used to keep my dream journal in the same document but they got too long so here’s my dream

Journal and it is 137 pages of dreams that I’ve recorded over my over the course of My Life um the first ones are not dated and like the uh like the other one I will read the very first dream that I can recall I was in the car with Dad and the

Family we’re on a relatively flat plane there was Green Grass and Hills there windmills along the way studying the hilltops and turning slowly then we drove from the hills into the mountains as we drive further and further into the huge mountains the road Narrows on the right it falls off precipitously and on

The left the Stone Face Rises sheer like a wall but craggy we reach a huge Dam we’re either at the top of the dam looking down or at the bottom looking up and either way the structure is enormous it blocks our path and we have to turn

Around I recall This Place full of huge mountain sloping down to the Sea and Greenery clinging to the crevices between the great facets of stone flying over the scene and driving up to the Lakes through the great arches and back down to the plains where the cities are and the Nexus

Yeah so anyway I’ve got a lot of Dreams in here there’s just dreams on dreams on dreams the later ones are dated um a few of them I’ve Illustrated with mid journey I don’t know dream journal dreams are seem like the kind of thing that only the person who has had them

Are interested in so I won’t bore you unless you’re interested in any of that um but there’s something I skipped over do we have Sheamus young finishing fall from the sky all right so this is my book fall from the sky let’s go look at fall from the

Sky there’s Midnight Castle uh back to author fall from the sky so this is a book where the first one two three four five sections maybe were written by uh my best friend Sheamus young he passed away a year and some change ago but let’s see nurplex says high levels

Of AD dolls Community isn’t really happy about talking about this stream and saying that I’m advertising yeah well I mean you are advertising a bit um I don’t know why there never friendly and kind they’re literally the reverse version of a doll yeah a doll seems to be like a a friendly kind

Person but you know so so there’s something about communities a community forms for a reason um and if you try to oppose the reason that the community is formed in the community the community is going to push back against you so like a doll’s Community is is for a doll it’s

Not for me it’s not for you it’s not for you know like some other reason um and so like certainly you can draw attention to like hey this guy that doll talked about is doing a live stream talking about his life and uh you know that’s fine but if you’re just spamming

About like hey everyone who’s interested in Duke and a doll you should be interested in this other guy it’s like well no that’s not the purpose of this community like the purpose of the community of a doll’s Discord is for a doll and his work and and the stuff that

He makes and the stuff that he does and stuff that he’s interested in it’s not for me and like I don’t own him just cuz he made a video about me doesn’t mean that like everyone need that that is interested in him needs to be interested

In me like you are and I appreciate that and that’s great and you know that’s great I you know I’m glad you’re here um but if you’re going and like spamming people and trying to like co-opt his community to come over and join my community like that’s not going to work

And people are going to be mad at you and like you can’t uh you can’t violently grab someone and tell them they have to do something without a really good reason and like me doing a live stream for my birthday is not a good reason so yeah don’t don’t spam his

Discord server about it yeah no you just said it once okay that’s fine yeah like it’s totally appropriate to be like hey there’s this guy that he made a video about and you know you know he’s talking about duken um oh I should I should talk about that

I said I would so let’s do that so uh before we go back to talk about the book well so anyway I can talk about it briefly uh there’s a book I wrote it was started by Sheamus young he wrote about 40,000 words of it I expanded it to

120,000 words you can read it uh it’s I think it’s fft ts. tri.com nope I don’t have a subdomain for it that’s okay um you can find it on my author page author. tri.com that’s one there we go I was like hey Paul wants a doll we want

Him to give him an yes because of my social anxiety yeah that’s okay you didn’t spam either thanks guys yeah thanks for not spamming him man it is really snowing out this is great it’s been snowing the last few days this is beautiful I can turn this around so you guys can

See it is beautiful snowy out oh no now my camera’s all all woned there we go is that all right that’s all right kelp means heartless and English oh that’s why I’m call it heartless I see I want now to you want some snow oh yeah yeah yeah it’s really fun it’s one

Of the nice things about living up here in the north it’s it snows snows during the winter it’s fun it’s rainy there oh fun good well I’m glad you guys are getting some rain uh so anyway so yeah this is a a book that I wrote um it’s the first

Novel that like full length novel that I’ve written but you can go to author. tri.com and read some of the other stuff that I wrote here’s my author page there’s that Midnight Castle that I read earlier here’s a hunar story I wrote when I was 10 fall from the sky that was

With Sheamus young um there’s really short poem some short stories some other stuff uh I’ve got some blogs and I’ve done some Audi books yeah bunch of stuff anyway so let’s go look at Duke and AD doll’s Channel because that’s why most of you guys are here you’re not here for

Me you’re here for a Duke and a doll so uh let’s see let’s search his channel for Paul Spooner is it is it Paul Spooner yep here we go8 minutes long 200,000 views it’s me oh yeah so that was uh that’s from that picture is from a reading of

The ballot of the White Horse which I did uh The Ballad of the White Horse is a epic poem much longer than one that I read um written by GK Chesterton and uh I memorized The Ballad of the White Horse and then I’ve done a

Reading of it and it’s on YouTube so you can look up ballot of the White Horse Paul Spooner whatever and I’ve got a whole reading of the poem um it’s 8:36 at night yeah it’s day and night in Turkey right now no no oh yeah I see yeah it’s

Night in Turkey it’s like 8:00 at night right now it’s 9:30 in the morning for me so it works out pretty well this time of day works out well for you guys and well for me uh anyway so this is the video that Duke and AD doll made about

The work that I did on Minecraft and um let’s see in the credits of Minecraft there is Paul Spooner there’s there’s my name and the credits of Minecraft and so anyway this video uh let go let’s go look at my my YouTube subscriber uh let’s see here YouTube Studio there we go okay

So um analytics audience um let’s see subscribers C more subscribers by content new viewers by content monthly no yearly uh why is this such a bad subscription status I want to have it I want to have it like weekly here we go uh views by sub no this isn’t this is

What I want I want number of subscribers Paul Spooner content oh I see lifetime let’s just do it over Lifetime and they don’t keep don’t keep track over that long um okay well you can kind of see the spike here um there’s this huge Spike so before here I had about 300 2300

Subscribers um and I’ve been doing this for like 10 years I had about 300 subscribers and then uh what was his name sagus random sagus made a video about me and that got me about 100 subscribers and then Duke and a doll made a video

About me and that got me almost 2 th000 subscribers so this is the video that Duke and AD doll made about me and this is what this is the reason that you’re all here basically yeah so there I am that’s me uh and this is uh this is about so

This is Du andad doll’s video about me and uh you probably already know this but some of you were asking me to show it and so here it is IP did you mean invite oh yeah so he has a he has a a server um if you go to his channel and you

Click on about you’ve got his um ad lanis is his server Duke andad doll.com is his website and on here I believe is uh a link to so this is his merch and on here I think is a link to his his Minecraft server uh don’t think

You need an invite you can just you can just go and join it anyway it’s at lances is his his Minecraft server um where is the there should be a link to it somewhere anyway if you’re interested you can go join his Minecraft server I’ve been on there I was on there a

Little bit ago and I made a live stream of it it was really fun uh so anyway that is the reason that you are all here and now we’ve G up to the present you’re all here I’m here uh if there’s no more questions I’m going

To end the stream and have a nice birthday maybe I’ll come back and do a little bit of um of uh star whatever um space uh whatever the thing is astroneer maybe we’ll play some aser later today um but yeah thanks all for joining me it’s been pretty it’s been a pretty good

Crowd here yeah see you guys around thanks for joining me