Becoming The King of Lifesteal SMP

It all started two weeks ago and bam i got a spontaneous message from a youtuber named parrot asking if i would like to join lifesteal smp you see lifesteal is infamously known as one of the most intense minecraft servers out there but man dude they get views i mean

Look at those numbers it makes hermit craft look irrelevant so i accepted the invite and logged into the store with the others for the first time lifesteal season 3 has begun the plan was simple become the most powerful person on the server so that everyone had to bow down to me obviously

I mean i am a businessman after all the problem is i literally had no reputation i was one of the new guys i had to prove my worthiness and reputation for the others first thing i did was grab an axe tail the local civilians and robbed them

It’s right at axe point i feel like you better hand some stuff over some goodies uh wood okay so the cost benefit analysis deemed robbing fresh spawns kind of not worth it at all i mean everyone out here was already mining for diamonds while i was scraping wood planks from peasants i

Couldn’t let that happen i gotta catch up so after a while i decided to get into voice chat with a guy called mapic and met up with him at a village to get stuff hello oh okay red but across the village we rise through three or four people gearing up collectively and we’re

Teaming to kill french spawns with nothing on them so basically i was a prime target because i didn’t want to die we decided to leave before it was too late and while on our travels we had a minor setback i got i got poison combine it for me

I’m dead i’m dead no i landed on drip stone that’s so unlucky not even close after respawning maybe noticed something different about the group from earlier apparently they had grown in numbers in fact they basically doubled if not tripled in size on top of that they’ve

Been taken over by ashwag who at some point commanded them to hunt down their former ally raycraft and kill him do you want to be main characters or not he’s behind me he was chasing me oh and they became communists communism on top oh god they are spreading the communists

That’s right lifesteal season three saw the rise of the proletarians since i’m a good samaritan i knew i had to stop this communist strife from taking over life cmp i mean what else was i gonna do let communism take over let everyone have an equal share in the profits nonsense i

Get all the profits so i decided to form the great business alliance the problem is i didn’t have any friends so i had to go around bribing a bunch of stragglers to join my coalition to fight the communists and after a bit of preparing we were ready to attack you guys at a

Different village oh different probably oh no here you go oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] run run run where the [ __ ] is the boat okay so tiny recap we were on our way to attack the communists when randomly we got ambushed by another team composed of clown pierced parrot red crab broshambo and

Spoke otherwise known as the cloud team but i mean even against great odds and like the most plot armor-based team on the server we still decided to attack i mean after all hearts are hearts why is it being chased by rutgers as well Oh my god there’s like four of them oh escaping to the nether we decided not to pursue them since we were thinking we may be walking into a trap turns out we were right later on i figured out the rest of their team was waiting on the

Other side with bed bombs preparing to kill us with us waiting on the other side they decide to leave seeking refuge in the nether not gonna lie didn’t think we’re gonna win that but easy dump we already took down the most clouded team on the server

So with our victory we decided to split the spoils of war evenly amongst ourselves but red doesn’t that sound like communist don’t worry about it we also end up claiming the spawn village naming a capital city after the capless victory there but i wasn’t finished no i still

Had a mission to gain even more power we just had quite a successful little battle there you know the great business alliance actually popped up you know we killed communism funny enough we didn’t actually kill the communists we just randomly on our way to kill the communists we encountered clown piers

Red crab parrot and killed those guys instead in fact but now the communists are scared of us they weren’t even online when this happened they didn’t even witness it no you know there’s something that i want that you guys have you know and that that is that is heart this is

I don’t i don’t love it wow that was easy oh wow that was actually hard oh i’m a great businessman what can i say there’s another man i want to take cars from but not not through gentle business ventures okay so they got their gold from the pope we

Need a new pope we need a new pope i’ll be your new players shut the [ __ ] up where did he come from you know what you know what i don’t know i wouldn’t mind being this is going all according to plan i can lead you guys down the

Right path you know i won’t be so glad you know and you know the greatest part i’m not gonna give you the commandments i’m just gonna tell you what to do what that’s so good you don’t have to remember anything you just gotta listen to me it’s perfect

It’s a win-win opportunity you don’t need to read a bible i am the bible i am the physical embodiment i am the bible and so i somehow became the pope of my very own faith i mean i wasn’t even sure how it happened but my worshipers were already building me a chapel

I’ve done my prayers yeah yeah all right i have to say ray dunes a lot more than all of you guys because i’ve committed some terrible terrible sins yeah you did but even with grand victory become the centerpiece of a new faith i still wasn’t satisfied you see during

The fight i actually never got to kill anyone while i was comboing roshambo zam shot him right before i got the killing blow stealing my kill but right it was a team effort i mean it doesn’t really matter who got the kill wrong no it does matter you seen lifesteals and pee when

You kill someone you steal their heart and i wanted it and thus my thirst for blood was still not quenched so it was time to look for another victim i mean an obvious choice was ashwing i mean ashwagang was the leader of the communist party and killing him would be

A blow to their morale however attacking ashwag while surrounded by his minions would be a suicide mission it was impossible so i had to devise a plan to lure him out but that required me to make deals with another group the people of pog okay don’t laugh the people of pogba

Were basically the embodiment of your neighborhood night patrol or the wannabe cops on the server i mean all they wanted to do was make sure nobody killed anyone else and then i don’t know kill people themselves but considering they were speedrunning the game for the first

24 hours i knew they had no prior conflicts so they were a perfect accomplice so i went over to their base to greet them and this was the first thing that happened there right now it’s ready i got a i got a secret gift this is something for my stash my personal collection

A pot weed i don’t need anything oh i shall take one of the pot and i shall take one of the weed okay i’m gonna be honest i’m pretty sure these aren’t the most morally obligated cops out there but hey that works out for me considering they

Were a bit crooked i decided to bribe them requesting the message ashwag to meet them at their base for something urgent and to my disbelief he actually showed up hello hi shrug hey what’s up what’s up what’s going on hello uh we wanted to show you our epic bass you wanted it

Space of course pretty dope actually oh cool yeah i’ll come meet you guys that spawn right now we have uh am i gonna am i gonna lose hearts legit i’m not gonna kill you no okay well someone else is gonna kill me though okay considering i’m sitting in the voice

Call with them ashwag was kind of suspicious of the entire situation but to be fair he was already on top of the mountain there wasn’t much he could do and then that’s when leo said this sometimes the pog takes a blind eye what that is the last sentence you want to hear

Who would have seen this coming the faster you let me kill you the faster i can get on with the video man i’m not gonna let you kill me dude that’s not oh no although ashrae was running away it didn’t really matter you see there’s a rule in life csmp that you cannot

Combat log under any circumstances so the two ways this was gonna end is either him dying or me giving up the chase but that wasn’t gonna happen i had hours but he didn’t so instead of making this take hours i offered ashley a little deal if he accepts his fate and

Let me kill him i would allow him to retrieve his heart and stuff however he would owe me a little favor in the future he accepted the deal and so with that okay fine whatever i had finally done it but the end of day one i’d rallied a force against great

Odds achieved victory built a kingdom became the pope and also killed my rival although that was a bit anticlimactic i finally left spawn ready to start a simple life in you at a village but that wouldn’t last for long what the hell you