Solving Minecraft’s Weirdest Lore

You probably have some big questions about  Minecraft. What are creepers made of?   Who built the strongholds? Why do endermen look  like that? When it comes to these important   questions about Minecraft’s lore, I don’t  give a darn! Instead, it’s that weird, niche,  

Utterly useless lore that excites me. Like – did  you know that crying obsidian tears taste sour   like a gummy worm? That’s so cool-I have a  problem. Speaking of taste: cake. What is this?   What am I covering my cuboid cake with?  Nothing in his crafting recipe is red,  

Could the player be sneaking  in another ingredient? Hmm… It’s time to play: What Am I Topping My Cake With?  Can our contestant guess what Minecraft cakes are   topped with, or will they guess wrong, and miss  out on an incredible prize? Is a cake topped with  

Apples, sweet berries, beetroots, nether warts,  or something else? Find out after these messages! Bread is a staple food in Minecraft, made with  just three pieces of wheat. Sounds good, but then,   right on top of a crafting table, the bread is  baked – instantly! How in the world can this  

Happen? Let’s analyze this step by step. Alright,  step one: crushing wheat into flour. Considering   the fact that the player has the strength to  mash two rocks into a new one, crushing wheat   should be a piece of cake. Step 2: add water.  The player doesn’t have any water on them,  

Or do they? Water is infinite and spit and  sweat are canon, so it works out, although I   do want to throw up now. Step 3: bake. Remember  how we instantaneously ground wheat into flour?   Yeah, the heat generated should be  enough to bake the bread instantaneously.  

Mystery solved. And we’re back! So, unnamed  villager, what are Minecraft cakes topped with? I see. That is… Correct! Here’s why: apples, sweet berries,  beetroots, and nether warts would make sense   at first, but these can’t just come from  out of nowhere. You might look back at  

The recipe for cake searching for a hint of  red somewhere in the ingredients. Found it?   Chicken wattles. Minecraft cakes are topped  with chicken wattles from chickens from eggs,   and wouldn’t you know it – eggs are exactly  what our contestant has guessed! It’s been  

An option this whole time, didn’t you  notice? Congratulations villager, you’ve   won a free trip to the breathtaking Shulker Shell  Shattered Savannah. Experience dramatic cliffs,   gorgeous waterfalls, relaxing hiking trails, and  plenty of tall grass – one of the rarest blocks in  

Minecraft (“rarest blocks in Minecraft” echoes)  Wait – you’re telling me that tall grass – the   stuff that gets in the way of your xp grinding  – is one of the rarest blocks in Minecraft?  

Give me a break! Ready for this: if you use shears  on grass you get grass. If you use sheers on   tall grass you get tall grass-no, just grass?  Wait, but I swear there’s a tall grass item,  

How does one get it? So it turns out that the only  way to get a hold of tall grass is to get it from   savannah villages, but why only from here? What  makes these guys so unique? Time for a stakeout!

Nope nothing. If only there was a way I  could get inside their oblong heads…   oh! It’s on their heads! Those leaves that  they’re wearing – the only way to get those leaves   in Minecraft is with shears, meaning that these  villagers must possess shears! Maybe the players,  

Swinging their arms around to break blocks,  are too violent to properly harvest tall grass,   but villagers, who can gently harvest crops,  could be more capable of getting the block!   And it’s not only savannah villages – in  taiga villages, villagers have large ferns,  

Meaning that they use shears too. There’s  a whole world of villagers with shears   that’s been hidden from us this whole time!  What else could they be hiding from us?   Uh-oh, I’ve been spotted. Time to get  out of here! What how did these get here?  

You know, I for one have never questioned  how these overworld mushrooms have ended up   in the nether! They always served as a last  resort food option, but I’m not starving so   let’s extract some lore! Perhaps the nether  environment itself could explain their origin?   Hmm… of course! That’s it! Take a listen…  

No doubt there are souls in  soul sand but whose souls?   A quirk of noteblocks could answer  this. A note on soul sand makes a cowbell sound, so soul sand  contains the souls of cows!   And what likes to hitch rides on the backs  of cows? That’s right, mushrooms! This is  

Fascinating. We learned that – who knows how long  ago – cows roamed the nether, spreading spores   all throughout the landscape! But wait – huge  mushrooms aren’t flammable, which is unusual as   every organic block in Minecraft can burn – except  nether fungi. This lore could need some adjusting!  

Maybe mushrooms aren’t from the overworld, but  are actually native to the nether? The cows then   brought the mushrooms to the overworld-no,  no – the cows must be from the nether also!   Oh dear, what about other mobs? Parrots, I  trust you guys! Let’s play a disc. How cute.

The song is over, you guys can stop dancing now.  Unless… they’re only celebrating the fact that   I inserted a disc into the jukebox! Are you guys  deaf? You know, maybe parrots don’t mimic mobs.   Instead the sounds of their  mocking are built into their DNA!  

And this must be the case for vindicators  as well! Vindicators named “Johnny” don’t   go crazy and kill everything as a nod  to a classic horror scene – no, the name   “Johnny” must be so cruel that it drives any  vindicator to insanity – but I’m not insane! Uh,  

Skeleton horses! How do they get struck by  lightning? Maybe it’s because bones are the best   electric conductor in Minecraft! Bone meal must be  a battery for plants! Um… shulkers! They have a   spiral on the bottom. Ancient debris has a spiral!  Clearly shulker shells are made of netherite,  

That’s why they’re so rigid! Foxes don’t get  hurt when they walk through sweet berry bushes,   yet everyone else does! The only way this  could be is if they’re actually ghosts! Water   disappears in the nether, not because it’s so hot  but because there’s endermen there, and they don’t  

Like it! Redstone power goes through walls because  – because it’s a ghost! Just like foxes. Chicken   wattles have to be a fruit, why else are they put  on cakes? I – I just need everything that makes   sense! I need everything to connect together into  one, ultimate, definitive piece of Minecraft lore!

No, no, no. I’m so wrong. Not everything needs  an explanation. Not everything needs a reason.   Minecraft is a fantasy game, it doesn’t have to  make sense. Minecraft is a game about creativity,   the lore is up to you. Wow you’ve made it to  the end! If you somehow don’t think I’m crazy,  

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