She Wants to Dine with Gym Buddy?! 😱 #redditupdate

my girlfriend insisted on going out to dinner with her gym friend alone I feel like she crossed a boundary and is acting extremely Shady am I overreacting M 35m GF 29f maybe had dinner with another man last night I’m not sure where to go from here we’ve been together for almost 3 years the only guy she’s ever hung out with during this time is a gay friend last Thursday GF returned from two weeks visiting her brother out of state while she was there we were constantly texting and chatting after her return we’d spent most of every day together we typically have a day or two each week for our own separate time yesterday we didn’t make plans for that reason I called her at 400 p.m. as we’re talking she mentioned she’s going to have dinner with a friend at 600 p.m. I asked oh she said no her friend from the gym we used to go to we changed gyms over a year ago I drew a blank so she says the friend who instructed the boot camp group she used to attend at that point I knew who she was talking about this is a guy the first never formally met she would go into the group room and do the boot camp while I lifted they would chat while everyone else was coming in I asked when did they connect she said he texted her last week while she was out of town then he reached back out yesterday to see if she could catch up over dinner I asked if he knew she was dating me she replied I’m sure he remembers you I know she talked about us back when they chatted during boot camp over a year ago this made me feel like she hadn’t mentioned that we’re still together she asked if I was okay with it I gave an honest no I said I don’t know the guy and I don’t really feel good about it she reminded me they were friends before she and I met I asked if I could be invited she said that would be weird I stuck with the no she said she would cancel I thanked her and we changed the subject around 5 she had to get off the phone to do some things and we’d talk later we texted a few times but around 600 p.m. my text started going unanswered I called her around 700 p.m. and she didn’t pick up that’s on brand for her if she’s doing housework or something she doesn’t carry her phone she’ll usually pick up later I called again at 8 at this point I assumed she was feeling upset at me for not agreeing to her dinner with the friend I sent some texts saying we should talk about it to find Middle Ground she and I live about 5 miles apart and her house is nearby the local grocery store around 9:00 p.m. I went to the grocery store while I was leaving the store parking lot I saw her car pass by I saw her face from the side and was able to make out the first three numbers of the plate when she passed it’s unlike her to be out that late and Les were together when I got home I called her repeatedly until she picked up probably five calls in a row more than I should have but my feels were hitting hard when she answered I asked her if everything is okay I was worried since she hadn’t responded all night she complained that I had called her and texted her too much and she was getting pissed off about it then she hung up and started a text barrage that went back and forth for a while about how I don’t trust her and I’m trying to control her by not letting her hang out with her friend I asked if she had went anywhere and her replies were I don’t know maybe I don’t remember I asked if she went to dinner anyway and got the same replies I told her I’m hurt that she’s lying to me about going to dinner she said she didn’t lie I asked Where She Went she she asked what made me think she went out I told her I saw her driving she asked where I told her where I saw her car it’s been radio silence since I called today and left a voicemail asking to meet and talk about it when she feels up to it I sent a couple of texts I don’t know for sure if she went to dinner after saying she would cancel all I know is she went unresponsive at the 600 p.m. meet time and I saw her driving home just before 10: p.m. right now I’m not sure if I was right to say no to the dinner I also could be wrong for assuming she went after saying she wouldn’t I believe GF has always been faithful and honest I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but I also don’t want to be naive relevant comments this whole thing sounds like she’s testing the waters and wanted to tell Opie just enough so he wouldn’t get suspicious but she didn’t expect Opie saying no and holding a boundary from there it got Shady whether or not there was any intent action to cheat she still completely disregarded her BF and his feelings after asking that’s just disrespectful and would be a breach of trust for me Opie I’m almost certain she expected me to agree I typically go with the flow and give her space edit if she had invited me I would have told her to go on without me and enjoy herself comment personally I find the boundaries you said very extreme others in this chat don’t but if me or my partner weren’t allowed to have close friends of the opposite gender who we can hang out with alone get lunch dinner with we would have broken up with each other years ago that said everyone has different boundaries Opie thanks for providing a perspective different from my own what you’ve said is the dilemma I’m feeling there’s a couple of reasons I felt uncomfortable agreeing to this first in are three years together she’s never hung out with any guys other than her gay friend it felt off that suddenly she was meeting up with an old friend and only told me two hours ahead she meets girlfriends every couple of weeks and tells me a few days ahead second she hadn’t told him she’s in a relationship she assumed he remembers from a year ago that she’s with someone do these circumstances move your perspective at all comment sorry I think you’re being unreasonable she went for dinner with a friend does he remember that she’s in a relationship I have no idea but in her shoes I can see it being weird to be like thanks for inviting me to dinner by the way you know I have a boyfriend right it makes it sound like you assume the invite is a date it would be weird your girlfriend told you in advance she was going for dinner with this friend if she was up to something sneaky why would she have told you beforehand your behavior on the other hand is totally unreasonable and honestly pretty controlling blowing up her phone driving by her house to go to the grocery store you wanted to see if her car was there no she shouldn’t have lied but you had no business forbidding her from getting dinner with an old friend and I understand why she didn’t know how to react and faced with you being unreasonable and controlling decided to lie no she shouldn’t have done that but you shouldn’t have been an obsessive controlling weirdo op okay I hadn’t thought about it feeling weird if she had mentioned she had a boyfriend you’re probably right during this relationship I’ve had one old work friend who had changed jobs reach out to me asking to hang out GF was not okay with it at all so I declined I go to the grocery store three times a week between 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. that’s my Norm she knows that also I wouldn’t learn anything if I had ridden by her house her car is always parked in a garage around the side in the front has blackout curtains I wouldn’t know if anyone was home I do feel your point though I was reluctant to tell her that I saw her because of the Optics also I didn’t forbid her to go she asked if I was okay with it I told her I wasn’t comfortable she offered to cancel you’ve got me on blowing up the phone though it was probably too much in hindsight I am feeling in agreement with you I probably should have told her it’s fine to go then just see what happens comment so because she hangs up with one person once and she tells you about it it’s suddenly a red flag did any of your previous GF have male friends or did you always consider women having male friends suspicious Opie I don’t take issue with a GF having male friends I can’t remember any time in the past when a GF didn’t introduce me to her friends at least the ones they hang out with current GF has had male friends acquaintances stop and talk to her in public and not introduce me this is the first time she’s went to dinner with any friend during the relationship she always plans breakfast or lunch when meeting friends she usually treats these things as a burden and wants to be done with them she’s never invited me to those and I’ve never asked to go I definitely upset her comment I’ll probably get down voted to hell but here I go I’ll be Devil’s Advocate and ask this if the roles were reversed and you made the same replies and took the same actions how would she feel Opie I did ask her how she would feel in my shoes that’s when she offered to cancel comment I’m sorry you’re going through the this personally I would ask to go through her phone if she has nothing to hide this shouldn’t be a problem also ask if you can speak to the guy if she flips out or says no something is wrong set clear boundaries tell her what you are and aren’t okay with and if she can’t respect it then it’s honestly best to just leave Opie we handle use each other’s phones like our own this past week something has been off though I was looking through her pictures from her trip she was over my shoulder the whole time and acted a bit nervous a few days later we’re in bed she asked me to adjust the comforter on her side of the bed I moved her phone to my side so it wouldn’t slide off the bed once she got comfortable she asked where’s her phone I pointed to it she grabbed it and said I like to keep my phone close I was like okay since when then she accused me of hiding my phone so she couldn’t see it that was completely untrue and I told her so my phone was where I always leave it and she can unlock it anytime update after giving it some thought I do feel wrong for being against her going to dinner I have no reason to doubt her loyalty regardless of the guy’s reason for reaching out if she wanted to date him she would have done that instead of pursuing me she called me yesterday morning I gave her the apology I owed for blowing up her phone and opposing her going to dinner she went off about how I shouldn’t be jealous and she doesn’t have romantic feelings for the guy then she said she doesn’t want to have any more conflict about it or she’ll be pissed meaning it’s now off limits for me to discuss any further and she’s not going to address whether or not she went out then the subject changed to a few other things going on she also mentioned how me getting angry prevented is from going on a two night trip we had planned starting Wednesday when she said that I checked out told her I’m over it and said goodbye she called me two more times during the day while she was driving most likely just to pass the time we haven’t spoken since there were a couple of texts today about borrowing my truck for her sister nothing else relevant there are many comments asking what if it were a woman friend of mine reaching out to me xgf isolated me from those friends early in the relationship I have a lesbian friend from college that she tolerates as for me only allowing her to hang out with one guy because he’s gay I didn’t know he was gay for a long time I’m ending the relationship regardless I read all of your comments slept on it and woke up today feeling absolutely nothing for her or this relationship she’s used the silent treatment to manipulate me for too long anytime there’s been conflict she immediately defaults to the silent treatment sometimes it lasts for weeks at a time we’ve never really been able to argue talk to find Middle Ground every conflict follows the same pattern she cuts contact until I’m ready to apologize and fully accommodate her she also doesn’t allow me to have friends of the opposite gender while it’s okay for her as you can see from all of this I have my own [ __ ] to work out she hasn’t shown any ability to self-reflect and make course corrections I can’t keep two trains on the rails update two she called a little while ago I answered because we still need to talk to settle a few obligations before we move on we talked about unrelated stuff for a while then I told her we have some things to talk about and should plan a day to meet she said she’s not ready to see me because of my behavior I said something along the lines that I had misunderstood what the friend ship boundaries are in the relationship because she doesn’t seem okay with me going out with women friends I’ll quote her response I barely even know him anyway I was floored I said then why the [ __ ] did you go to dinner with him to get to know him better then I cut the call relevant comments the sheer number of supposedly grown adults I see posting immature insecure and sexist behaviors they should have grown out of by the end of high school is flabbergasting you threw a tantrum and stocked and spammed her then have the G to call her giving you a much deserved timeout act like a spoiled kid get treated like one toxic Opie I [ __ ] up here there’s no doubt about that this one day is not why I’m ending the relationship though I reflected on the last three years and realized we’re worse together than we are apart excuses don’t seem to matter comment she’s deaf being shady then trying to Gaslight and throwing that canceled trip in your face as her trying to shift blame she may be a narcissist anyway good on you for showing her you won’t be a doormat Opie I read your comment and looked up narcissistic behaviors now I definitely think this is the case after 3 years I can remember the one time she’s given me an apology because it felt like such a huge deal for me anything she does to start conflict is immediately off limits for discussion or I’m blamed for it when I share my feelings with her she’ll argue with me that’s not what I’m feeling once I asked her what her insecurities are she said she has none I was like that’s not possible at the time I thought it may be a lack of self-reflection now I realize she actually believes that because she’s narcissistic