The state of wizard games…

There are four types of kids at my school growing up kids obsessed with Dinosaurs kids obsessed with sports kids obsessed with The Hunger Games and kids obsessed with Harry Potter I was obsessed with having no friends and also Harry Potter I guess when I first saw the Dumbledore versus

Voldemort fight at the end of the Order of the Phoenix my family had to take me to a hospital because I lost Consciousness after all the blood in my brain rushed straight to my penis I wonder if there’s a medical term for that holy [ __ ] there is both of them start by

Shooting the same boring laser beam that we see with every other fight in this series but Voldemort quickly realizes that the killing curse alone will not be enough to win so he’s forced to get creative the [ __ ] breathes fire and then warps it into a giant lava snake which lunges at Dumbledore who

Absorbs the flames and redirects them right back then before you even have time to comprehend what just happened Dumbledore says and Bam he’s water bending the fountain to trap Voldemort this is what a wizard battle is all about two genius Sorcerers creatively using everything at their disposal to

Overpower the other seeing this fight was the single greatest thing to ever happen to my 10 year old self and I have been chasing that high via wizard games ever since how’s it going [ __ ] my name is Estella Jay and the world is in desperate need of a good Wizard game it

Causes me immense physical pain to admit that Wizard101 is probably the most mainstream Wizard game ever released seriously why is that well if 19 years of watching shitty YouTube videos has taught me anything it’s that [ __ ] on a greedy Triple A studio is never a bad starting off point Skyrim set the bar

For Wizard combat unfathomably low the game features over 100 spells with a magic system as fast as an ocean and about as deep as a tweet from Jaden Smith not that I’m one to talk there is no utilizing your environment there are no spell interactions and there are no

Combos for Destruction spells you shoot fire ice or lightning in a straight line there are only two kinds of wizard games wizard games with purple lightning and wizard games with yellow lightning do not let yourself fall into the purple lightning pipeline yellow is clearly Superior shouts can be categorized into

The funny Ragdoll shout and the rest of them there are some interesting spells in this game but they’re all utility instead of combat Centric while the wizard games fall flat number one they need to have Variety in their combat think about what made that Harry Potter fight so cool they threw aside the

Formula and focus on something much more important enter Dragon’s Dogma I don’t know what the [ __ ] Dogma means but it sounds extremely sexual this game wins the [ __ ] Nobel Peace Prize for having the coolest looking magic in any video game ever just look at the way the sorcerer’s cast spells um I spent two years learning Japanese for that joke please subscribe unfortunately the Mage class doesn’t scale very well into the late game and it’s simply more worth your time to pick Ranger which is coincidentally exactly the same as in Skyrim where late game Wizards are about as useful to the kingdom as YouTubers

Are to Society number two wizards should be powerful and I should feel cool as [ __ ] for being one a wizard would destroy you in a fight it’s not an episode of anime [ __ ] wake the hell up this fight is the highest level wizard duel we see in all of Harry

Potter and the sheer scale of everything is a huge part of what makes it so enjoyable at first glance it seems like Terraria has everything going for it there’s over 70 unique spells a bunch of armor sets and hordes of items to change up builds it also scales extremely well

With the other classes check it out Chad I call this my gaydar [ __ ] I just killed the bird no I actually consider this to be one of the better magic games out there but it’s fatal flaws that there’s just not enough going on for every single spell in the

Entire game you just Mouse won the enemy until it dies wizard combat should be more complex than [ __ ] Cookie Clicker there’s very little incentive to switch to other weapons to create combos because of my least favorite part of any Wizard game Mana the problem with Mana bars is that they incentivize players to

Use only their most powerful spells over and over again unless they risk wasting mana on a worse weapon at most you might switch to a secondary weapon for like one second to apply Iker or some other debuff before going right back to your main I personally find cooldown based

Magic much more fun obviously you’re gonna have that one spell that hopelessly outclasses the rest and obviously you’re going to want to use that spell over and over and over but when it goes on cooldown you’re forced to adapt you’re forced to find creative ways to incorporate your other spells

Into a combo while you wait for your big cheese spell to refresh spellbreak decided to mix the two you can equip two of six goblets Each of which seriously only six this game is out for four years and he only thought of six spells no [ __ ] Wonder they’re shutting the

Servers down you idiots each gauntley you pick up has a primary attack and a special attack the special attack has a cooldown and your primary attack shows a Mana bar with your double jump the cooldown on special moves is definitely better than linking them to the Mana bar

But because you only get two spells there’s no real combos you can pull off you can combine elements to create special effects but most of them just equal extra damage I think this game could have been a lot more fun if you picked each individual spell instead of

Having them packaged together by element keep the delay on primary attacks as it is but lower their damage add some spells with medium length cooldowns and then keep the specials exactly how they are this would make fights significantly more complex and prevent people from getting bored also tap into people’s

Microphones and make the Wolfblood Rune last longer if I howl at it oh I see him I see him number three the magic system needs to be complex the laser beam duels in Harry Potter are the equivalent of holding Mouse one in your last prism in Terraria they’re boring because they’re

Too simple V versus D threw all of that out the window and for a wizard game to be fun the exact same thing needs to happen but is it possible for a wizard game to be too complex yes very much yes the amount of spells and spell interactions in a wizard game

Is directly proportional to the amount of crack cocaine ingested during the development process this is the universal law of wizard games and if it is to be believed then we’re going to need a [ __ ] SWAT raid on Nala games as soon as humanly possible because noita is [ __ ] insane this is the only

Wizard game that I’ve played that actually lets you create your own weapons by mixing spells together if I was the developers I would add an Among Us Spell appeal to younger audience check as you play the game you’ll find or buy ones that lets you equip different spells to them wait a minute

Joe your wand shoots and bursts a fourth a one second delay between them why okay well that’s because this particular one has a cast lay of 0.22 seconds but a recharge time of one full second you see the castle is the time it takes for the

One to go from one spell to the next it’s low here so it fires fast the reason for the delay between shots is the recharge time which is the time it takes for the one to cycle from the last spell on the stairs back to the beginning this wand also shuffles the

Order of your spells which makes your wand inconsistent because you won’t always be landing on your spell modifiers a spell modifier is a special spell that changes the effect of whatever spell you slot directly to the right of it it does not change the effect of the entire wand as you would

Be forgiven for assuming based in the incredibly vague descriptions there’s also regular spells with modifier spells hooked in that activate after a certain amount of time or hitting an enemy or wall now if that sounds overly complex convoluted and confusing that’s because it is but it’s okay because the game

Teaches you exactly none of that is this a [ __ ] joke I currently have about 10 hours in this game and I can say with confidence that at least half of that time was spent sitting in this dumbass Temple between levels just figuring out how to make my wand half

Decent and that’s just the spell system I haven’t even scratched the surface of how confusing this game is one time I spent literally 30 minutes figuring out a crazy luminous drill one and then I died in one shot because I stepped in some random [ __ ] puddle that turned

Me into a sheep are you kidding me I am not here to give you my entire uncensored thoughts anointed but I think it’s pretty hard to argue that this game couldn’t benefit from a little bit of simplification it is not a good sign when the first two YouTube results for

Noita beginner’s guide are an hour long here’s a [ __ ] flowchart that I found that explains the Alchemy system in noita what the [ __ ] am I even looking at unfortunately unlike Harry Potter I do not wish to spend eight years of my life learning how to cast magic like what if

[ __ ] Killian editorial number four the magic system needs to be accessible these Wizards didn’t spend 30 minutes in a Naruto Flashback theorizing by what spells to use they just did it ladies and gentlemen this is the source of my frustration it is so hard to find a game

That balances all of these elements I I will [ __ ] you up whoever threw that you ever been dive bomb before [ __ ] it is not a pretty sight the [ __ ] even is this oh yeah I forgot wizard of Legend exists holy [ __ ] he’s a [ __ ] Firebender look

At that Brock move dude I gotta try I gotta use that one wizard of Legend is the coolest [ __ ] Magic game of all time and one of the best roguelikes I’ve ever played you start by choosing four spells A Relic and one type of drip remember when I tried to change

Spellbreak’s magic well I was actually just describing this game’s magic system word for word and it was the greatest Bamboozle in history ain’t none of these spells clones of each other here’s one that turns your fists into dragons here’s one that makes you the Avatar here’s something that makes you a

Beyblade variety check Foreign check that one off too while I’m at it I remember the first time I thought of a cool build idea I unlocked this spell which lets you role play as everyone’s favorite Avatar character the drill and I realized hey this drill hits like 15

Times in one go and then I realized wait a minute dark Katana triples crit chance for melee attacks and then I realized hey wait a minute this robe increases my crit chance and damage there are so many synergies and ways to become overpowered as [ __ ] you always

Get to start with four really good spells that complement the rest of your kit perfectly but because of the randomized loot and cooldowns you are forced to get creative with how you tackle enemies and that level of unpredictability is also what makes it so satisfying when you do get a god run

Any spell that looks like dog [ __ ] can become broken as [ __ ] if you put enough thought into your build unless it’s a summon don’t ever use those [ __ ] you I’m putting two check marks in Wizard of Legend just casting a spell is enough to know exactly what it does the complexity

Comes from the player’s own ability to create combos avoid damage and make decisions not from the magic system itself which significantly lowers the skill floor while only slightly lowering the sale ceiling yatzi yes it is literally a perfect game okay perfect games don’t exist but basically what I’m saying with this

Video is that if you [ __ ] up Hogwarts Legacy I’m busting out the Chevy Silverado and I’m driving straight through your kitchen subscribe if you’re like Mills follow me on Twitter if you got a big ass see ya