danny teaches me how to play minecraft

Never played minecraft before man i’m really nervous i’m really nervous but uh i think we’re gonna they’re gonna have a good time we’re gonna live forever okay curtis are are you there i’m here are you here i’m yes all right we’re nice all right i’m gonna join the server

Right now and switch over to my game it says i’m pinging yo get pinged on epic pinging moment do you get a hype train going right now on your stream or what i’m at yeah you don’t even got to ask i do have one yeah i don’t even know what that is i

Think it’s going great mine’s a level four so oh i think mine’s over now because we kind of crushed it oh man guys you’re [ __ ] you’re embarrassing me i’m in damn where are you oh wait no i see you hold on hold on nice do you see me that’s you yeah that’s me

All right we’re in the world dude this is minecraft what do you think that’s awesome how do you look how do you look like that um oh someone made me a oh [ __ ] you’re getting attacked by a spider tell him to stop don’t worry dude i got

This i know that you’re new to this so so just to clarify for my stream you have never played minecraft before is that great yeah i’ve never i’ve never played it i’ve never even thought of it really i’ve sort of just uh just sort of heard murmurs about this

Game and okay well don’t worry i just got killed by a spider i think that uh you’re in good hands here why are all these guys hey so nighttime is sort of like hell in minecraft it’s just like monsters come out of nowhere and start attacking just like your life

I can’t go anywhere at night how do you leave my house past sunset how do i uh punch you oh just a regular old click regular right click oh watch out what the hell is that okay first lesson of minecraft creeper oh man oh that’s what i mean how do you run

Control oh i died oh no all right so let’s go on to up up this hill if you will okay this big hill up here uh you just ran past a hill i don’t know if you’re still i’m sort of just okay oh i see some

I see some houses over there yeah i think we want to go over there they’ll probably have beds and we can sleep in them and then we can go to sleep and this nightmare will be over what the hell bro i’m in the water get me out

You pack a [ __ ] bathing suit bro how do i put that on how do i put on babysitter uh i think you get i think you have to make one later you can make like an iron bathing suit no way which is also just doubles as

Like a chastity belt so which is really helpful in this game a diamond bathing suit you just sink to the bottom of the ocean why are these guys so [ __ ] thirsty man they keep running at me [ __ ] off running i’m running how do i open door

[ __ ] off oh uh i think right click oh my god i’m gonna die again i’m gonna die i’m dead did you die i’m dead i’m in a cave with a with a man you got arrows in you you’d be nice all right i don’t know if you know that

I don’t need that all right i’m gonna i think i’m gonna die again one time and then and then this time this time for sure i’m getting to that village uh you can press e to see like your inventory and stuff and i’ll show you what you look like oh what the

Hell why do i look like that i hate the game just kind of guesses what you look like in real life and that’s what it thinks you look like i hate i hate the way i look yeah just like real life so every time you sleep in a bed it sets

Your respawn point to that bed so i just since no no no he’s nice oh no who is that so that’s that’s a villager he lives in this village that oh bad guy oh so he was just saying hi to me and i beat the [ __ ] out of him

Yeah i think this might be his house oh he went to his house and started trying to kill him well you didn’t tell me that danny you didn’t tell me people live here well i mean what what do you think these houses just come out of nowhere

Yeah absolutely okay i’m can i go up where’s the apologize button cause i almost killed this man uh i don’t know if they i think they got rid of that feature actually you can’t apologize imagine walking into your own house and beating you in the face

And saying get out i need a diamond pickaxe yeah maybe there will be a diamond pickaxe in this hay yeah so maybe let’s go up to the top of this hill because i think i saw trees up here yeah i was going to say that

Yeah i think i saw it i think you saw trees up here so basically what you do in this game is you just smack things until you get the blocks so you can smack a tree okay i found a tree i’m gonna smack the black and you’ll get a bunch of wood

As in like a boner or like just or just yeah this is all euphemism for jerking off you just smack your tree until you get wood so if you go on the crafting table and you right click it you don’t need to be standing on the crafting table

Damn he’s twerking on the crafting table somebody come gear she’s on the crafting table okay so now i have bread yep yeah yeah because i threw a bunch of money at you i’m saying you made that bread so now if you shift click on the bread

On the right it’ll turn all of your wheat into bread oh uh is everything okay did you put your bread in your hot bar what the [ __ ] are you talking about your hot bar you know smack your tree until you get a hot bar

No i did not put my bread in my off bar okay it has put it like in the bottom row in your inventory and then it’ll be in your hot bar oh it’s in my hotbar yeah okay it was already in my hotbar okay can i uh well you’re torquing on the villager

Dude this is an epic twerking moment oh no i turn on sticky keys i press shift too many times oh no you made the villager sticky i said i’ve been used to work on someone for too long get them all okay so it’s morning now yeah it’s morning now you might see

Zombies on fire skeletons on fire whoa kurt is kind of a baddie right now he’s going he’s going yeah okay i think oh he’s kind of having a he’s sliding down yeah so let’s just mine a bunch of uh stone and then you’re really going to

Like what we do with it i think tv we’re going to make what we’re going to make a tv and we’re going to watch everybody loves raymond yeah that’s one of the advancements you can make in this case tv and then you can just spend the rest of the game watching tv

In some villagers house i think this will be a real baddie test if you if you can do this on your own this is going to be a baddie moment whoa now that was the baddest thing i’ve ever done i’ve been told to be very careful uh digging straight down

And then shut up uh well you need like a block in your hand but then hold right click you’ll like you’ll place a block under you can use that to get back up epic style parkour style almost yeah almost in a sense i mean i i don’t know if i can but

Did you huh did you play you placed blocks above me no i what’s going on here buddy i couldn’t have done that oh my god oh my god okay uh what’s going on over there man no i’m having i’m just chilling everyone in my chat saying kill kill danny yeah that’s just that’s

Just not cool i mean that whatever that what is the opposite of a pog curtis what would you say is the opposite of a pog probably like a obstacle probably a gop right hog backwards yeah gob that’s like that’s a gop guys i mean really really that’s you you’re giving danny

That sloppy guppy right now dude hey hey [Laughter] okay i’m running i do be running why are you running someone’s got to make a freaking edit of that of us of me and dan running and then it goes why are you running [Applause] why are you running why are you running

Someone said bestie the portal what is that the portal someone said besties portal did we pass a portal chat i didn’t see one but maybe we did [ __ ] i don’t know or maybe or maybe their besties name is portal maybe that’s what they were saying best important [ __ ] all right someone

Just told me to toot in the chat guys now is not the time i i’m trying to teach curtis how to play minecraft i’m not gonna you see i got chris i don’t know if you know this but my my chat keeps telling trying to get me to fart on stream ah that’s

[ __ ] disgusting i know there’s a bunch of stickers yeah i’ve i’ve been trying to get danny to far for years and he’s never done it yeah it’s something i really only do around family and friends ass hassle oh [ __ ] i mean something i i only do it in private curtis i swear okay

Oh okay i believe you yeah no question and then take some of your take planks and you need to put a plank on each square in the crafting section i made it and i threw it at you ow what the hell i’m sorry i didn’t mean i

I didn’t mean to do that get this guy out of here yeah what is this [ __ ] doing what does he think it’s his house let’s kill him yeah he’s dead for that you’re dead for that that’s punishable by death i’m gonna make a big tall pillar on the top of the house

That way we can see it better from what hey what are you doing nothing what did you just do oh it said curtis has made the advancement diamonds where the [ __ ] did you get diamonds you ass i think i just kind of i think it’s like a beginner’s

Luck type no no no you swiped my gems put them back i know the game is gonna [ __ ] rat me out like that uh do you have any coal by chance um yeah four coal oh okay four coal that’s what i call my mouth i’m kind of

Thinking that’s what you call what my mouth forkhole oh because it’s the hole you put a fork yeah you’ve erected this uh huge uh yeah yeah i’m erect right now actually yeah that’s pretty crazy disgusting you pervert all right oh you fell okay hold on don’t take my stuff all

Right i know you see the thing is i know you want to i know you’re going to try to take my stuff up there i i can see you don’t take my [ __ ] i i get away from there i think i i think i may have taken something you

Tell me if you’re you tell me is it the diamonds from the chest oops okay i’m missing a stone picky thank you i don’t know if that was mine or yours but minecraft streamers kind of just uh shorten pickaxe to just be called a picky

So if you just say like yeah give me just go ahead and give me my picky back so that’ll okay so that’ll translate if i ever play with any other like minecraft people yeah yeah just give me my picky that’s pretty much what people say okay i’ll i’ll remember that fork over

My little picky baby hey islam is gonna kill me is that because you started attacking yeah oh god i died oh no oh god hot or not i do not love it oh [ __ ] whoa hold up i didn’t know it was right there god damn i almost got burned

Easy i put some logs on the lava some lava logs if you will I’m making a little bridge and you can set on fire if they’re touching the lava i think no uh okay you might want to use uh do you have any stone instead because i think that the wood planks might set on fire yeah yeah in fact look behind you

Oh i just put it on or uh okay uh okay yeah i’m gonna make myself a little stone bridge take it take it okay i want you to look behind you real quick at your bridge what’d you do to it okay you can okay just stay oh oh no i’m dead i’m

Dead i’m dead oh dude that’s not good oh there you are you see me oh there you are okay cool hey i looked at him you looked him in the eyes you didn’t mean to oh no oh no okay i think come get me now there he goes okay i don’t maybe you’re

Safe in there i don’t know if uh i don’t know if they really [ __ ] with water he’s just kind of vibrating on the shore you should see him right now he looks pissed yeah suck it [ __ ] i’ll look at you right in the [ __ ] eyes right now dude

Wow people are saying you’re so smart big brain no that was an iq play right now pete pogba for sure yeah that was a pog can we get some pogs in the chat maybe a couple epic emotes yeah let’s get some friggin hype pogs in my ass or in the chat

Fun gamer style sorry i didn’t i’ve seen that yeah what was that i said oh that’s dude i don’t even want to say it again no it’s gone well i thought it would be kind of fun like a funny goof if i just said well do you remember the 2012 hit

Gangnam style by sai i’m just trying to play if like a game trying to have a good time hey what there’s a little zombie in the water oh yeah those are apparently called drowns yeah right you know what i’m gonna go i’m gonna build a little

House you’re gonna build a house on the island well i’ll uh yeah for god’s sakes like my health huh well i’m eating this is the uh basement if you want to check it out oh dude [ __ ] there’s like a little zombie [Laughter] yo epic house hey new house check

Curtis you gotta understand i don’t say this a lot but this house is kinda epic whoa i mean if you don’t say that often it must mean a lot yeah it means a lot when i say it because i really i try to say it um basically never actually i never i don’t

I never said it before yeah so the first time i say it i’m gonna think of it i’ve never heard you say epic i’ve never heard you fart those are the two things i’ve yet well i just heard you say epics on our mind yeah

And do you know what it sounds like when i fart is it you saying is your [ __ ] saying epic yeah it’s going that’s what my parts sound like that’s why that’s why i’m so protective of them that sounds like epic they’re just oh yeah i’m gonna make a door okay okay

That way we can get in and out because right now we’re just kind of trapped in here you know what honestly you know i like you but being trapped in this house with you i don’t know if it’s a good idea yeah that seems like a [ __ ] nightmare

I feel like we’re going to get ourselves into trouble what did you mean by nightmare huh what was that what did you mean by nightmare when you said that you said it was going to be a nightmare i just want to know what the [ __ ] you meant

Zombies can’t hurt us now baby we’re cruising let’s rob someone all right now pick up pick out a spot for your bed dibs on over here okay dibs on over here too All right oops i put a block in the [Laughter] i’ll just get rid of that hold on just let me get rid of that real quick i’ll get rid of it too yeah i’ll just get rid of that real quick yeah listen here let’s get rid of it

Real quick yeah let’s just get rid of it might as well just get rid of it get rid of it all right how many iron do you have i have five iron ingots do you know what that means i can wait i can beat the game

Yeah off you go go fight the ender dragon dude i what can we make now so you can make so i actually don’t have any iron because i think you took all of it no that doesn’t sound like me well we did have i i do recall putting one iron in there actually

And i recall now not uh having iron now all right i got an iron pickaxe all right he’s ready to mine like there’s no tomorrow i can drop some of the rest of my eye okay because you didn’t see how much that is okay so that’s two irons i can’t

Do much that should be good that should be good okay so this is super annoying there’s monsters outside our house so we can’t sleep right now and the monster in question is a creeper and he will blow up our entire base if we go out there

So i don’t i honestly don’t know what to do what if we make a bee line for the boat and we sort of launch it he’s right there can i can i get him to follow me if i act as bait oh maybe yeah go

Go for it well i i just hope that he doesn’t blow up no no no no string comes from little spider guys the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] why’d you say i i put string right here okay okay this will be the string zone yeah strings

Okay so i put some more here yeah i guess i got a string section here here here all right i got my x i got an a well yo yo yo yo yo i’m gonna let me let me uh save you from embarrassment real quick dog

Do not do not go around do not go around axing trees with a pickaxe yeah you do not want to do that dude your chat is probably going to rail you for that you’re never going to hear the end of it dude switch to an axe dude i don’t have one

I’m in with these villagers you’re in a villa you’re in the village i’m in the house they won’t let me leave i literally can’t get out okay nevermind i was gonna see if they had a chest in there i could rob them [ __ ] blind but yeah dude rob them so hard they can’t

See anymore all right curtis parker oh my god dude cam i’m looking for like animals to kill and i’m not really finding i’m freeing these pigs you’re gonna free the pigs oh do they have a pig farm yeah i’m killing these piggies dude we are we are just traveling across the land slaughtering

Innocent creatures this is what the game is all about just like we did on tour i’m feeling pretty confident now i’m never going to die look cause you got a lot of piggy there’s a little zombie riding a chicken you’re [ __ ] with me oh my god i see him wait

Is that a chicken is that a chicken oh dude i’ve never seen anything like that it really makes you think maybe these zombies aren’t so bad after all you know we have our differences but you know they’re they’re people just like us they’re like chickens and died he died

He was on fire riding the chicken and man he died the same way he lived this llama do be spitting though spitting facts or what uh spitting something hey i’m gonna die i’m gonna die oh my god i’m dead i’m done run where are you are you in the village i’m underwater

Go up go up i’m dead i’m dead i’m dead were you getting shot up by skeletons oh curtis drowned um i’m gonna climb up i’m going to make it’s a cross This is where jesus died we dig to find jesus he’s got to be here somewhere jesus oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dude there’s okay i found an epic cave but it’s an epic creeper cave oh no no i died [ __ ] [ __ ] what the [ __ ] man oh no oh no this is not good

So the yeah the weird thing about this game is that there literally is like no tutorial there’s it’s just like okay play go ahead and it’s like you have to figure out how to make [ __ ] you don’t even know what you’re doing i mean like

If i wasn’t here you would be you’d be hopeless wouldn’t you i’d be i’d be had caked had to tell my own [ __ ] and piss hope on minor style i’m gonna die danny oh no okay i’m sorry to hear it my man die oh my god get inside

We have to talk she said let me in the house okay all right man what the [ __ ] happened back there what was that huh what was that all about oh no oh [ __ ] he’s besting me oh no battle royale oh [ __ ] why am i hitting you with a turkey or something

Chicken i guess we didn’t kill any turkeys i’m yeah yeah okay so that’s that’s basically the lesson is don’t don’t ever mess with me again okay okay all right uh okay do you want to hop off yeah i’ll probably hop hop off yeah just go ahead and hop off i’ll probably play

For another three or four hours but you can go ahead oh [ __ ] probably by the time you get back on i’ll have a diamond palace honestly well um i’ll say bye to you goodbye danny okay goodbye curtis that was fun nah that was fun thanks for hanging out i’m gonna head out

Yeah i’ll see you around thanks for chilling oh i’m sweating okay goodbye bye-bye bye thanks for hanging out thank you