I Became Dream’s Therapist

Hello it’s me mr therapist you may have never seen me with these glasses before and the reason you have it is because i’ve been reading lots of books on psychology therapy and just about all you anything you could think of and my only objective in life is to

Help my friends i’m ready to give some therapy to those who need it the most i’m in a call with dreams how about we hop on right now hello hello hey how you doing i’m doing good how are you i’m doing great hey listen so i’ve i’ve heard that you have so many

Built up issues within you is that is that correct did i hear that right we told you that i just found out no no no it’s not that’s not true there’s nothing bad listen okay i don’t know if i’ve told you this but i’ve been reading a lot of books

I’ve been learning to read people better and i think i have read you enough to to know that there’s some built-in issues within you all right so what this is is i’m going to be the dream smp’s official therapist that’s what i’m going to do today

No yeah okay okay no no no what was that what was it what was that no it seems like you’re undermining my work or something it was a cough i had a little bit of a cough i don’t think it was a god we’re gonna

Let it slide a few weeks ago we were discussing our ventures and and fast food places do you remember that oh yes i do you told everyone was that you have some awful memories with denny’s walk with me we’re going to go ahead and feel like a

Therapy room listen i am i am an action therapist i don’t have no office so let me tell you what we’re going to do today okay so recall that situation that happened at denny’s i was a young boy and my it was me and my family were there

Some guy came up and like stole this guy’s bike outside and he shot him no no no no then he got and he got mad and then like he tried to come in the denny’s and like he smashed the window or something i don’t know i don’t know

There’s a lot of stuff happening remember my parents were like get under the table no no that’s crazy you got shot i did not get shot did it hurt what does it feel like when you get shot when a bullet enters your flesh what does it feel like i wouldn’t know

Step number one of therapy the client will always do denial all right so here’s what we’re gonna do during we’re gonna grab a bunch of cobblestone and you and me are going to build the most accurate representation of that denny’s you were at okay we’re gonna remake the

Entire scenario and make you face your fear how does that sound oh that sounds terrible oh no that sounds great was your denny’s by any means in front of a target no it wasn’t i think it was i think it was all right so how big was this denny’s i’d say it’s

It’s very big it’s very big i’m gonna work with me here i don’t know it was super small it was a tiny denny’s why would your parents say you’re two small denny’s it’s like they hated you what did the criminal look like do you think i remember that if you got shot by

The dude i do assume so now i can tell a lot of things about you based on what we have talked so far i can tell you’re uh you’re gonna grow up to be a thief all right listen listen come outside now picture that denny’s in your head

Okay what did the denny’s look like you walk in what was the first thing you see all i know is that my table was like on the left like here right next to the window and then what was happening was right here right outside the window what some guy was getting mocked outside

The denny’s and your dad was like get under the table oh i don’t know it was something like that i don’t remember exactly what happened hey people get mugged outside my house all day and i’ll look at it and i won’t hide i mean i’m pretty far away from the violence you know

That’s not funny i remember like you walk in there’s like a little over here there’s like the guy standing behind it and then there’s like the tables that are all around here a place where they make the food is like back here in the back right

How do they fit all this in a different way i’m trying i’m trying to think of this situation because you don’t remember a lot i have to fill in the blanks for you sit right here like if you’re at your table no don’t eat were you eating now we gotta

Put your family this is this is dad this is mom dream what do you think it brings you back right it brings you back he brings me right back that’s beautiful can you say hi mom and dad hi hi mom and dad hold on hold on okay quackity

You’re not gonna role play as my parents you know what no parents you were actually alone at the denny’s is this correct yeah i was alone all right all right and i came in and mugged no not me how did this mugging person well there was like walking through like someone

Like had their bike tied up in front of the denny’s and someone oh it was a biker this is what happened somebody apparently had stolen this guy’s bike before and so he found the bike that’s his outside denny so he was like trying to fight the guy who stole it i’m gonna be

The biker ready okay okay can you give me the closest and most accurate representation of what this biker sounded like sounded just like you 100 like you no he didn’t there’s no biker that sounds like me a deeper voice a deeper voice was he a

Bike no he wasn’t in a bike no no he was on bike he wasn’t bike [Applause] eye contact this supposed to be how it happened like i’m not the one who’s getting mugged or something like this you gotta get out of that stage of denial that wasn’t assaulted

You don’t even remember it i remember better than you gemini would i got i got to make my bike all right so essentially i’m walking up in this bike and what you got to do is you gotta you gotta act the way you were acting which is really

Scary i have to dig like under here finally you’re getting into it i love this ready are you ready i’m getting my bike right i’m ready i’m ready i’m ready hey that’s the guy who stole my butt are you scared of bikers i wasn’t sure if you were going to say anything i

Thought you were just for staring yeah do it again do it again all right all right ready ready um now i have to move my bike man the other bike is here that’s like your bike he stole hey i’m very hungry no you’re killing the experience you’re

Giving me weird cues i don’t know what i’m supposed to go under i don’t even look like a scary biker this is costing my company a lot of money hey hey you what do you suggest in the menu you’re you’re the biker i’m dreamed you’re the

Biker oh my god you’re so bad at this you’re such a bad actor you’re gonna make the biking noises all right That’s my bike there’s no way it happened like that you are such a bad actor why are you in denial let’s say it was a friendly biker it comes in hey what’s the best item in the menu i’m a seven-year-old kid why are you asking me

Why did you kill the biker you actually killed a biker that’s incredible that’s a felony you’re the worst how am i the worst i look at you and you’re like well you said i should hide in there whenever i could say no no you gotta

Recreate it that’s what i did i i hid under the tape no i look at you and you hide immediately that’s not what happened all right bad bad bad you’re gonna be the denny’s guy all right ready this is her context dream got shot by someone all right

Let me in ah kill him but leave me alone that is a seven year old giant child you’re telling me that if you were working at a denny’s you would say kill him but not me you know i’m role playing as myself when i was seven

Oh oh okay i thought this was like the other day okay no yeah okay i don’t remember hey hi welcome to denny’s i’m looking for the [ __ ] who can serve me in this restaurant that would be me what can i do for you you’re gonna sit me in a table next to

That guy okay go on all right let me have a look at the menu there you go all right hey hey no no no no no no no no stop stop george said i was a normal customer thanks for serving me goodbye hey what what are you doing here in this

Restaurant alone i’m eating where’s your mom and dad they died there’s a bike outside that was stolen that was mine and then you can’t give kelly’s a biker that’s not how it happened dream we need we need an evaluation of of this whole situation okay how did you

Feel when we recreated the scenario um yeah scared okay okay um yeah no that was a mess if you have more problems than before i would i wouldn’t be surprised so you got under the table what happened after i think everything was resolved and then we just left we got to redo

This okay stop what is wrong with you george georgia george what okay so tell me how you recall dreams denny’s story he was at a denny’s he got shot you know what bad boy hello you’re gonna be the biker i’m gonna be the denny’s guy what if

Jordan is the biker two bikers right because one of them had an argument yeah they had an argument all right make the biker noises Hello this is george the biker welcome give me your money oh my god what’s going on what’s happening i’m gonna die i’m really scared that was like pretty much what happened perfect do you have any other daddy stories that we can reenact right now any other traumatic events in your life

I want a re-evaluation how did this reenactment you even know what happened look how thick i look with this skin it’s so epic look thick what is going on i just want to be his therapist no it’s not that simple i clarified i was not role-playing as my seven-year-old

Self while i was doing that thank you for clarifying that you single-handedly saved my entire career dream let’s get down to the nitty-gritty we know you have some very terrible awful friends isn’t that right yes yeah okay do these friends of yours give you bad memories sometimes

No no all the time i think it’s safe to say you’re a modern failure is that correct they say you are who you hang out with all right so let’s get it let’s get him in the room leave leave and join leaving like walking all right bring him in

Bring him in let’s go [Applause] all right you two need to start getting along he’s grieving are you gonna do fight me no no no no no okay clearly there’s a hunter and there’s a huntress you are the hunter in this situation you’re like making up like a term yeah

Hunter in the huntress you can just say he’s a bottom that’s fine is this true this is a little therapy session i like to call couples therapy george come in hang on she’s doing something no george come in please we know you go through a lot of

Pain being with dream is that correct yes sit next to each other please fellas please what are you looking at this is my show sorry i was on twitter all right sit next to each other give him a seat give him a seat get closer george jordan why why are you so annoying

I think we need i know no no no no dude so we know there’s an issue with both of you is that correct yeah there’s an issue all right so we’re all gonna let it all out we’re gonna let it all out okay dream look at george and tell him what

You hate most about him george he’s so argumentative oh my god no no no keep going let it all out that’s it i think i think that’s that’s his biggest flaw so george look at me he has one flaw about you i’m sure you have plenty flaws

About him george i want you to look at dream and tell him everything you hate about him you can drop some tears if you want look at them staring at me you’re not going to make fun of him don’t make fun of him tell him what makes him hurt your heart dream

George okay okay get the [ __ ] out of here bad bad bad you’re gonna complain about dreams this guy’s so funny oh my god jordan shut up i need you to tell him everything you hate about bad boy halo he doesn’t curse enough no way say more say more let it all out

Let it all out he won’t meet up with skeppy oh my god bad i’m a mom biased judge here but you have said skeppy’s a muffin head does this mean you what the [ __ ] did we hire security for what are you hiding for you’re a grown-ass man now

All right bad so why do you hate skeppy so much i don’t you call him a muffin hat is that what you’re calling him no that’s messed up bad that’s that’s messed up that’s messed up jesus christ i want you to look at dream right now tell dream everything you hate about skeppy

Don’t hate skeppy dream tell us for him what does he hate about skeppy said before that he hates everything about skipping you want me to expose what he said earlier he’s showing us in the table and tell us exactly what he said he says you hate how cute he is no he

Didn’t he said a skeppy short he said skeppy is very loud he said skeppy will he’s never come near to being his best friend ever and he says that he was gonna show scappy his muffins bad is this true i hate what do you hate i hate how about these

Muffin heads like to make stuff answer the question answer the question bad is your alt called good girl all right i’m not talking to either yeah just answer the question just say it just say there’s nothing bad with that just saying why is he shouting we got a man with

Serious anger issues right here so i’m thinking solitary confinement yeah yeah dad you’re gonna tell us everything you said about skeppy stop stop well dream dream before you go what do you think of this therapy session what would you rather do i completely forgot about my problems like all of them yeah

We did it