Uncovering Minecraft’s Lost Castle! 😱

Previously, On the Hill. Brayden: We lads have sworn ourselves to hunt down the deadliest player on this server. Grill: Brew? He doesn’t even know how to open doors. Brew: I’m a homewrecker now, and I just can’t seem to help myself— Quiz: That’s not what you think it means.

Jack: Take as much as you need! My castle is your castle! 6:30 pm already? Wow, where does the night go, huh? I’m gonna head to bed IRL. The treasury is just at the end of the hall, take as much as you need! My castle is your castle! Quiz: Okay! Night, Jack!

Brew: Take care! Quiz: Thanks again! Jack: I can’t wait to hop on later and play more with you tomorrow! And every day after that! Quiz: Wow. No wonder we couldn’t find any emeralds! Just look at all this green! …Why are you out of breath IRL? Brew: Sprinting! Can’t get the hang of it!

I keep tapping W but‐ Quiz: Double tap! You only have to tap twice. Brew: I did that! Quiz: And hold it. Brew: Moving on… Emeralds? Quiz: TONS! Ghast Tear? Brew: Check! Sea Lantern? Quiz: Ooh got it! …Beacon? NO! YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT! UH! I mean… Huzzah, best friends!

Just wanted to log back in to say— Quiz: Lifehack? I love my friends! Brew: No, 100%, that’s Charles. LifeJack: Damnit. Brew: We talked about this, identity theft isn’t a joke. LifeJack: You two aren’t welcome here! Do you know what we do with bandits at this castle? Quiz: What? YOU’RE the bandit here!

You’re stealing Jack’s account! LifeJack: What!? I’m NOT stealing it! I’m just… you wouldn’t understand! I’m not explaining myself to murderers! Quiz: …Whaaat? Come on. Pshht, that’s wild. LifeJack: Oh my God it’s so wild, yeah hey real quick, how’d you get that golden apple? Brew: Charles, I know how this looks, but—

LifeJack: After I take care of you two, I’m going to seal up the tunnels, ALL OF THEM. FOREVER! And then it’ll go back to being just ME and AH— Jack: Huh? I thought I signed out? Brew: Oh thank goodness, Jack, it’s so good you’re here. It looks like you’re being hacked by—

Jack: Um, hey friends! Sorry but I just needed to let you know that I’m away for the weekend for “H2OMG!” The premiere water tasting convention! Brew: That’s great, you deserve a vacation, um, but I think it would be— Jack: Feel free to check out the dolphin sanctuary,

Or the roller coaster, just make yourselves at home! Brew: I just think it would be good to deal with this before— Jack: OH! I wish I could play, but It’s waaaay past my bedtime! Night! Brew: Welp, I think he got it, so we certainly don’t need to sprint any— Ah, that’s fair.

Squee_G99 says, “Hope all is okay, DD! You’ll bounce back, I know it!” Sascloud says, “LMAOO u had a fire pot why didn’t u use it?!?” Grill: We need to talk. DiedDeath: How’d you find me? Grillburns says, “Pro gamer tip: If you want to stay hidden? Don’t go on stream.”

No pro gamers out in these parts. Just shame, regret and spruce wood. Grill: Yeah? What about any lava traps, huh? It’s a JOKE! Don’t get all hot and bothered. Heheheh. DiedDeath: Came all the way out here just to roast me? Grill: Nah, pretty sure Brew already did that.

Which does bring me to why we’re actually here. DiedDeath: We? Grill: Look away for five seconds… CHILL? Did ya get lost again? Chill: I’m looking for Mortdecay! Mortdecay! Mortdecay! Grill: Ughh, he named it. Great. Super. Chill: …Oh! There you are, you rascal! Grill: We talked about this! Chill: Who’s my little guy!

My little stinker! Grill: Ughh. Chill: Did you ask DiedDeath to help us? Like you practiced in the mirror all night? DiedDeath: I’ll save you the trouble. My answer is no. Grill: Wait, what? Come on! You’re the best player on the server! I’ve watched your highlights, you’re like some kind of ninja or something!

Like, a real one, not that schmuck with the cookie monster hair and predisposition to dumb dental hygiene dances. DiedDeath: Would the best player on the server accidentally fall into their OWN lava trap? Would they panic, and forget all their items? …Would they be caught STANDING, when they should have been CROUCHING? Grill: Accidentally?

Wait, so Brew didn’t— DiedDeath: Brew bumped into me, I fell in, and the Manhunt ended before I could even get my blaze rods… Instead, I became the blaze itself. Grill: Yeah well, the manhunt never ended, they just changed targets… Brew needs our help, you and I both

Know the man has the gaming prowess of a scared pelican. Those trust fund chumps are going to annihilate him, and I can’t let that happen. Because he has my stuff… And he can be okay, sometimes. DiedDeath: Huh, so you are capable of making new friends. That’s touching.

But what does it have to do with me? Grill: Because you’ve got a stream full of nerds that are either feeling sorry for you, or making fun of you. You gotta prove to them that you still got it. Whaddaya say? New challenge. “Minecraft: Redemption%” DiedDeath: Fine. But first we need—uh.

Chill: Ow. Mordy, ow, sweetie, ow, I told you that we’re, Mordy I said— ow, stop it Mordy, I said stop— ow, I said stop it stop biting. No more biting. I said stop it. I said we’re going to try to use our words from on‐AH. Aww, like father like son!

Brett: My name is BRETT! Don’t you FORGET! I’m always cool, never UPSET! Take it Bryce! Bryce: My name is BRYCE! Here’s some ADVICE! Always be kind, Always be NICE! Go Brayden! Brayden: My name’s Brayden! And I’m not shaken, Come on lads let’s break this foundation! Bryce: Aw heck yeah, mess it up Brayden!

Brayden: Bring it home, Bradley! Brad: My name is BRAD! I love my DAD‐ Brayden: Deadbeat! I— I mean dead end, yes dead end. Brett: We’ve been down here for days! Maybe we should try another path? Brayden: Witnesses saw a ghastly pale man in a suit

Crawl into this cave, either they were talking about Brew, or Slenderman is down here digging tunnels. Either way, something has to be done. Bryce: Hey boss, look! LifeJack: Alright you two, this ends here. Get back in the pool! Hey, you can’t talk to me like that. Whatever, this room wasn’t my idea anyway.

Good luck with the murderers, idiots! Quiz: How long is he going to keep up? It’s been weeks! Brew: What? I feel like it’s only been a few hours. Quiz: Oh. Wow. I was thinking in terms of Minecraft days… Maybe we’ve been playing too much? Brew: You might have a point.

I haven’t marathoned a game like this since “A link to the past”… Heh. If Grill were here he’d say “You ARE a link to the past.” Quiz: Well, we tried waiting in one spot for several hours, we might have to resort to Plan B— take a

Break and come back when the real Jack comes back? Brew: That’s a good idea! I’ve got research to do! Quiz: I’m gonna go watch a movie! There’s nothing good on Notflix. Brew: I tried leaving my office but Chill and Grill are still out in the living room… Playing Minecraft

Probably still sorting through the ruins of the home I destroyed. I can’t face them… Not after everything I’ve done… Maybe I should just stop playing altogether, it might make the game more fun for everyone that way— Quiz: ENNH, Incorrect! Look, we started something when you accidentally

Set fire to our base, and we need to FINISH it. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, or because I have a fear of spontaneously exploding if I don’t finish a scavenger hunt, but because you’re getting better at the game, and we can actually do this!

Brew: You’re right…about most of that, but that second part? Wow, oh my gosh, Quiz, we really gotta figure that out‐ Quiz: HUAH! LifeJack: Hey, Lifehack! I need a life hack on how to track down a group of killers hiding inside my home? Well, excellent question! Thanks!

Tip number one, make sure your home is not a GIANT CASTLE. Jack: So? What do you think? Lifehack: It’s alright, but d’you know how easy it is to chew through wood? You don’t want squirrels to be stealing all your stuff, you need to cover your walls with something… Like I don’t

Know, sharpened pencils stuck to playdoh, oh or scrap metal. Jack: Let’s go find some iron! Lifehack: Yeah, that’ll do the trick! Jack: Here, do you want to play? Woah, have you been playing all night!? Lifehack: Got you an iron door, and put some stone around your “castle”… Heh, it was kinda fun!

Anyway, I should go, I gotta dip before the trucks arrive. Jack: Wait! You’re a natural crafter, buddy! Why don’t you keep the controller? As a thank you for helping me out! You can use it when you buy the game! Lifehack: Buy the game? With what, MONEY? Hard pass, homie. And keep it.

If I want something, I gotta get it my way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go dumpster diving for breakfast, like nature intended! Jack: Hold that thought! Well, I’m gonna head to bed, goodnight Lifehack! Lifehack: Dammit, he knows what I’m about. LifeJack: Wait, is this still the flashback? Who am I?

Dammit. Well, back to business. Brad: Just imagine how much mining this took! What a workout! I bet buddy’s index finger is TORQUED. Brayden: Stay alert, lads. If Brew IS behind this, then there’s a chance there could be traps. Brett: Do you think Brew built all of this?

Brayden: He might even know that we’re here… GRAVEL‐ANCHE! Bradley? BRADLEY! NO! No, say something Bradley! Come on! His name is Brad! His name is Brad! His name is Brad! He l-loves his— Brett: This was no accident. Brew’s here, and he’s ready for us. Bryce: Shh, save your strength.

Brett: You two sit tight, I’m going to go find Brew, and serve him up a hot cup of revenge. For Bradley!