Ben Shapiro Plays Minecraft

Yeah Oh oh god this is a terrible place what’s joe biden doing over there i hate this game so much alrighty folks so today apparently i am playing minecraft now i don’t normally play video games because i’m a grown ass man with three children in a job but

Apparently we can monetize this stuff so meme lord brian the producer who tortures me with the bulk tech talks he’s gonna be helping to guide me through this this video is sponsored by ring Here we go i’m going to hit single player i can name the new world we’re going to okay what should we call the new world shapiro stan create new world i feel like god during the first six days except incredibly crappy pixelation by the power of raw okay

We are in this amazing new world not as good as god guys just okay this is this pixelation is like very reminiscent of when i was a kid and i actually did play like quake so nothing has changed apparently in pixelation between 1996 and 2022. that’s where we are okay so i’m walking

Around i’m seeing uh going down some steps okay what do i see i see steps i see trees i see flowers of some sort i see more steps it’s a ziggurat there’ll be a human sacrifice up here later so your first objective is to get wood to make tools

With to get wood you’re gonna have to walk up to one of those trees and you’re gonna hold down left click to start punching it i’m gonna punch a tree down this game is not realistic i cannot punch a tree wow karate master You can hit the e key on your keyboard okay that opens up your crafting menu wow i don’t look so good here guys i’m going to take my oak log the last time that i held like a block of wood i was standing outside at home depot that

Turned into a meme too so i have a feeling this’ll this will be a thing click that and carry it over to those four squares up there and click in and then you’re going to want to click those four oak planks click and drag so that each one of those

Planks fills all four of those squares and now you can make a crafting table this is riveting i could spend fully seconds doing this remain interested i’m gonna put it right over i’m not there you know i have to it has to be a great spot like the best spot right here done

Next to the flowers the scenic view that is beautiful it is now you have a three by three square instead of a two by two wow that’s holy wow how do people do this for hours on end i don’t understand i don’t understand you people can i punch this

Part of the wood yep anything that looks like wood you can punch actually anything you can punch but the wood’s the important part right now can i punch the people who make me do this video okay cool now let’s go over back to your crafting table

That is not i don’t know what just happened like this magical crafting table get blanks okay let’s right-click two of those inside the crafting square one on top of the other The middle square and the square underneath it let’s put a stick in each one of those I’m sorry you should be this is Take the planks and put one of those in each of the top three squares that is your pickaxe that is the most important tool in the whole game because that lets you mine rock how do sticks and um blocks of wood make a pickaxe it’s a secret process that’s uh patented

I believe okay so now your next objective is the sun is going down monsters will soon be coming so you’re going to want to make a shelter how do i jump spacebar thank you Jennifer shrimpfell okay now you have stone which you can use to make better items but the sun is almost down so i think your bigger objective might be to seek shelter this world sucks And let’s uh block yourself in with the dirt all right you know what this is believe it or not actually getting a little boring so why don’t we uh get rid of that block and go venture out into the world a little bit i feel like it’s

Going to go poorly i’ve been told there are monsters out here so yeah but now you have a weapon so you can uh you can tip them or shorter i’m going to practice my whack them a little bit we’re going to practice our kung fu here

We can also find um animals to eat because you do have a hunger bar and that will run out eventually can i like get a job or something is there commerce in this world have they discovered comparative advantage there is commerce can i swim

Or do i just die if i sit down here so those bubbles that you can see are your air meter so i have to keep jumping okay so it’s basically like super mario boop boop Actually no it’s the wrong music if you’re in the water if we do find a village at some point there are villagers that you can trade with am i a colonialist or am i like am i in favor of trade or am i just like a full-scale murder all the villagers and

Like most of human history completely what you make of it you don’t have to jump can i keep jumping i’m i was enjoying that like do i get points for exercise do you become like in better shape jumping actually drains your hunger faster oh really yeah it’s not that’s

Bad look to your left a little bit you see that green thing yeah that is a creeper they will blow you up if they get too close let’s show biden doing over there why is he sniffing that other small creeper’s hair why don’t you go over and

Say hello that’s i feel like you’re just playing with me now i feel like you don’t have my best interests at heart i don’t know what you’re talking about back up die die oh well that that went badly that is okay because nothing is permanent in minecraft we can walk back

And find your stuff i can see the obsession well i i don’t feel very safe from these zombies and creepers but but here’s the thing you can feel safe at home with ring.com because summer is always busy i’ve been away from home quite a lot i

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Approach to learn more go to ring.com ben shapiro again that’s ring.com forward slash ben shapiro to get started with ring alarm a pro and make your life better not worse by playing minecraft it was a lonely existence in minecraft world There’s a spider you might want to start running can i hit it or you can hit it but it will hit you more oh no uh yeah okay i’m gonna run run away into this thing ah double tap w and then hold it down where is w okay run

Is it terrible world if i was the creator of this world why did i make it so crappy why do bad things happen to good people why the idea is you can mold the world to your liking i can’t though because if i had molded into my liking i would have

Made these terrible creatures was it to give me free will because i thought that there are cows over there ben you want to go where where is where is their cow oh but there’s a spider right next to me i gotta go get the hell out of here is

There a baby zombie oh zombies zombies are everywhere oh god this is a terrible place don’t like any of this oh okay you want to whack some pigs yeah that i can’t do that that’s not good i was like supposed to eat a pig while i’m being chased by a spider what is

This idiotic world it’s basically the story of charlotte’s web happening here that’s a sheep there’s no okay i’m gonna punch a sheep why not they don’t like being punched believe it or not See if you can get one of those cows because you can get meat from those okay can i tip it Up he’s running away he’s fast Come back here he’s very good at climbing this cow i’m in hot pursuit of this hamburger bill gates is very angry at me right now ah yes cal murder how many i don’t think that was a different cow okay if i how many times i have to hit these

cows before they die i understand are they that like nimble and look at this this cow’s like insane he’s like a ninja chicken chicken it should take like one punch to kill a chicken i don’t understand like people don’t use pickaxes to kill chickens you can just rip off its head and

Understand like this is the most unrealistic game i may not be a farmer like matt walsh but i know that it shouldn’t take you like five punches to kill a chicken the ideal weapon is a sword but that takes more wood there’s not like a machine gun in this game unfortunately no

It’s like a pre-industrial garbage society come back here ah there we go i killed a chicken you’re actually not hungry yet so let’s see so that was useless okay great i’m glad we engaged in that whole shenanigans that was that’s awesome i think it would be really fun to try to

Find a village but those are randomly generated so you’re just gonna have to keep walking around i just don’t know where my stuff is can i drown myself that is an option so far in this world i’ve been able to hit a cow get chased by a spider

Build a pickaxe out of only wood bury myself in a cave and kind of jumpy swim so i can see why people are so obsessed with this game i’m having the time of my life evol harare’s ideal world right here minecraft let’s keep going yeah why not

I mean you sound so enthusiastic about that let’s just keep going man i mean it might be amazing i’m gonna go with no i’m gonna go with this just all the way through minecraft is a game that is what you make of it there is limitless potential

I feel pretty limited in the potential i’ll be honest with you oh look a mountain oh happy day up on the hill it looks like a square pumpkin everything’s square ben well it’s hip to be square i’m coming to get you pumpkins i hate this game so much i really hate it

It’s really terrible it’s a terrible game it’s a terrible game like at least in quake you like killed things and you were killed by pixelated cows Ben i think you can go around no this world will conform to my desires of it here i am at the top of the mountains and what do i see more that i don’t care about that’s exciting that is full of angry villagers who do

Not want to talk to you they are not very friendly but i’ve been informed by rousseau that all the natives will be welcoming and kind thanks their lack of civilization how do people watch other people play this game this is the most boring shoot i’ve ever seen it’s like watching

Paint dry it’s like dinner with andre there’s challenges you can do there’s there’s you’re such a defender of the game i feel like you want stuck in it i’ve been playing this game for over 10 years and so far you’ve built three pickaxes in a house

In all that time you could have learned languages you could have made something of yourself and now here you are guiding me through playing it yeah it’s a little disappointing yeah exactly when you think about that for for longer about two seconds as a minecraft pro inform me

What magical things have you have you done what have you accomplished i’ve built giant temples i’ve dug giant holes in the ocean oh this is people [Laughter] okay whack them and back up okay you lift that’s good yeah i mean beats the alternative just gonna look at the moon

As minecraft man ever made it there was the minecraft moon landing reel Oh i have a neck ache this is a terrible game all right we’re going to have ryan come here and find a village fine with me first i’m going to make it hard for him by just digging myself into a hole here take over for me i have lots of snowballs so that’s

That’s actually the most important thing Yeah yeah see this is it it’s not just me all right do you ate raw chicken yeah it’s not a thing in here no there are people that play this game with the objective of finishing it as fast as possible because believe it or not it does have a plot a little bit

You can actually go into a different dimension and kill a dragon but i felt like that was probably a little advanced for day one i can’t even kill a cow so i feel like that’s probably accurate notice he said day one as if there are many more exactly there had best not be

Well you know pewdiepie is not in my future here you don’t want to make this a series do you have conversations with people in the village but they’re just yelling and trying to kill you they make noises that sound like huh and not much else we have found joe biden’s village

Somebody’s behind you oh that’s a zombie villager where are the living villagers Jump yes that is unfortunate i have no experience there are video games or weeds so i assume that weed is a major part of enjoying this video game i’m sure there’s some overlap okay yeah i’d have to imagine and i wasn’t asking you you’re an employee i’m not talking

About my personal experiences i’m speaking in general terms i swear uh-oh you’re the pro but somehow you fell down into a cave and crunched both your legs oh man you’ve died more in like two minutes doing more things but i got dolphin powers which make me this is a beautiful and idyllic spot

Yeah you could build a house here if you wanted to i can’t though i don’t have anything tell me more things i can’t do brian you can’t find a reason to keep me employed here oh anything over this anything please please god it’s a barren wasteland just like my

Heart looks like my heart right now oh awesome it’s exciting well done amazing all right guys yeah this village is not civilized it’s a bad village i mean i i hate to say this but it feels like there’s no running water i’m not seeing toilets or internet activity or anything that makes

This place great to me and that i don’t like that to be or not to be that is the question whether it is no blur in the mind’s eye no i don’t want to be here anymore goodbye cruel world goodbye just the most slow painful death imaginable you will be missed goodbye

All righty ben any final thoughts on your experience today that’s the worst video game i’ve ever seen in my entire life i don’t know what people like about it i don’t know why they like it i don’t know who these people are it gives me less hope for civilization i don’t i

Don’t understand there’s no plot there’s no excitement there’s no interest there’s no thought there’s no internal logic there’s nothing now this is when all the comments are like oh you just didn’t spend 40 000 hours playing it if you’d spent 40 000 hours playing it then you would know that’s true maybe

I’m not willing to make that investment of time because as i started off this video by saying i’m a grown ass man with three children i know i vow by the sword of hades i will never play this game again this is terrible it just everyone who uh put this video together

You are fired